To be upset that none of my friends wished me a happy birthday

[Chocolatemountain7]

It's my birthday today and whilst I've had a lovely day with family, I feel quite upset that none of my friends have wished me a happy birthday, not even just a quick text (I don't expect cards or a gift btw). I don't have a huge friendship circle, 3 very close friends who I'm friends with individually. I don't give to receive but maybe this is why I'm feeling upset as I've always made an effort for their birthdays.

Friend 1 - back in April, took her away to a nice hotel and for a meal/drinks. Also bought her an item for her kitchen that she'd wanted for ages but couldn't afford. I can't see how she could of forgotten as she messaged on Friday to ask me what I was doing for my birthday. We'd also made plans last weekend for it but she cancelled at the last minute and never rearranged.

Friend 2 - In all fairness, this friend has been going through a rough time as he's recently split up with his long term partner, however I've really been there for him and supported him a lot through this shitty time. He even stayed with me for 2 weeks last month as he had no where to go after she kicked him out of their flat.
Again, I can't really see how he could of forgotten as I booked the week off work (we also work together) and we only spoke on Thursday about our plans for the weekend.

Now this is the kicker...

Friend 3 - long term friend, spanning over 10 years. We don't see each other often as we're both busy with work, kids etc, but we've always kept in touch. I've always made an effort to drop something off when it's been her or the kids birthday (her sons birthday in May, dropped a voucher off for him). She doesn't drive so I appreciate it's a bit harder for her to do the same for us, not that I'd expect it anyway although it would be nice for my kids. Out of all 3 friends I really can't see how this one could of forgotten... HER SISTERS BIRTHDAY IS ON THE SAME DAY!!! Seriously??

I've been feeling quite shitty in general over the last couple of months (which they all know about) and have questioned what I get out of these friendships a few times, as it seems like I'm the one who is always putting in the effort and after today, I feel like I'm ready to just cut them all off. I'm more than happy to be told I'm being unreasonable or a self centred drama queen, but AIBU to at least expect a message, which normally takes 2 seconds to do??

@Chocolatemountain7

Feeling a bit better today - still nothing but as I said before I'm not holding my breath. I've promised myself I won't be putting in any more effort with any of them in the future, unless they do first.

Don't be too hasty to cut them off as friends. We are all guilty of thinking that our way is "the right way". However, it's worth bearing in mind that your way isn't necessarily "the right way". Maybe your friends place less emphasis on birthdays than you do. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care about you at all

Ignore Chunky it's irrelevant what they expect/think. This is about how you are feeling
I think it hurts when you put the effort in and they just haven't bothered. Glad they didn't spoil your day though
I think you should make it your birthday week and do something lovely everyday

They've all shown you're not a priority OP.
Make absolutely no effort at all with them.
Earlier this year I went to a lot of effort for a friends Birthday with presents and messages on the day. I Felt a fool a couple of weeks later when she didn't even wish me a Happy Birthday and even more of a fool when I still gave her DD the gift I'd bought for her 18th one week later and I didn't get a thanks.
I now think very differently about them and will make no effort whatsoever.

I'd be inclined to put a message on social media (if they're on it), thanking those who remembered your birthday. It will give you an inclination whether they genuinely forgot of not if they fall over themselves to apologise for missing it.

@Chocolatemountain7 The point I was making is that some people just don't have a head for dates.
I couldn't tell you off the top of my head what some of my friends' birthdays are...I might remember the month/time of year but not the exact date. If they haven't organised something and invited me to it then I won't necessarily remember to send them a text. It's the same the other way round too.
It doesn't mean we don't like each other and I'd hope they aren't sitting at home feeling miserable and keeping score of presents they'd given me vs what I've done for them.
Life is busy and people have a million things to remember on any given day,

@SmellThat The OP asked a question and I answered, why ask if you just want people to agree with you.

some people just don't have a head for dates.
Who does? It's a poor excuse. Either you care enough to wish someone happy birthday or you don't.
Apart from my children's birthdays I don't memorise dates, that's what calendars are for. I have all the dates I want to remember from car insurance to friends birthdays in a calendar.

@Hax

some people just don't have a head for dates. Who does? It's a poor excuse. Either you care enough to wish someone happy birthday or you don't. Apart from my children's birthdays I don't memorise dates, that's what calendars are for. I have all the dates I want to remember from car insurance to friends birthdays in a calendar.

My sister has plenty of friends and is well liked, but most of them don't bother about birthdays, so they don't send texts, cards, gifts etc. And that's not wrong. It's just a different approach

So, whilst OP's friends have demonstrated that they don't care enough about the birthday to send a message, it doesn't necessarily follow that they don't care about the OP at all

@Hax Not everyone places the same importance on birthdays. Ridiculous to say you don't care about someone just because you haven't remembered to text them on a specific date. To me birthdays are mainly for children, if grown adults want people (beyond their DH, parents and siblings) to make an effort on their birthday then organise a party and invite people 🤷‍♀️

Not everyone places the same importance on birthdays
You are right of course, but a poster implied that she didn’t send birthday messages because she forgot, rather than because she chose not to.

Have you heard from anyone today OP?

Not nice op. Happy Birthday. My friends bit lax too. Always think of them. Oh I forgot date!!! I took a step back got sick it

YANBU and I hope you heard from them today. What rubbish friends. I hope when you next talk to them you manage to get in the hint that it was your birthday over the weekend.

Happy belated Birthday !! 🎂
YADNBU....Next year is the year you don't do all the thoughtful gifts for your friends and their kids.
Up to you whether you decide to send a card or even a Happy birthday text.

Chocolate, I don't know you but happy birthday for yesterday.

I can understand why your friends not sending a card or text would be upsetting. It's not about a gift - it's about the thought.

Birthdays mean more to some people than others. They mean a lot to me too and to be honest I'd be upset if friends forgot or chose not to send a text as well.

I hope you can find a way to reconnect with them and move on. It sounds like they were three close friends of yours. People have become more isolated over the past year or so and it'd be a shame to lose them as friends.

I don't know whether it would be best to gently try to raise it with them in a general way (that you were upset that people seemed to forget about your birthday) or to just try to arrange to meet them and move on.

Good luck whichever approach you choose.