To be upset that none of my friends wished me a happy birthday

[Chocolatemountain7]

It's my birthday today and whilst I've had a lovely day with family, I feel quite upset that none of my friends have wished me a happy birthday, not even just a quick text (I don't expect cards or a gift btw). I don't have a huge friendship circle, 3 very close friends who I'm friends with individually. I don't give to receive but maybe this is why I'm feeling upset as I've always made an effort for their birthdays.

Friend 1 - back in April, took her away to a nice hotel and for a meal/drinks. Also bought her an item for her kitchen that she'd wanted for ages but couldn't afford. I can't see how she could of forgotten as she messaged on Friday to ask me what I was doing for my birthday. We'd also made plans last weekend for it but she cancelled at the last minute and never rearranged.

Friend 2 - In all fairness, this friend has been going through a rough time as he's recently split up with his long term partner, however I've really been there for him and supported him a lot through this shitty time. He even stayed with me for 2 weeks last month as he had no where to go after she kicked him out of their flat.
Again, I can't really see how he could of forgotten as I booked the week off work (we also work together) and we only spoke on Thursday about our plans for the weekend.

Now this is the kicker...

Friend 3 - long term friend, spanning over 10 years. We don't see each other often as we're both busy with work, kids etc, but we've always kept in touch. I've always made an effort to drop something off when it's been her or the kids birthday (her sons birthday in May, dropped a voucher off for him). She doesn't drive so I appreciate it's a bit harder for her to do the same for us, not that I'd expect it anyway although it would be nice for my kids. Out of all 3 friends I really can't see how this one could of forgotten... HER SISTERS BIRTHDAY IS ON THE SAME DAY!!! Seriously??

I've been feeling quite shitty in general over the last couple of months (which they all know about) and have questioned what I get out of these friendships a few times, as it seems like I'm the one who is always putting in the effort and after today, I feel like I'm ready to just cut them all off. I'm more than happy to be told I'm being unreasonable or a self centred drama queen, but AIBU to at least expect a message, which normally takes 2 seconds to do??

Happy birthday! I hope you've had a lovely day

Happy Birthday @Chocolatemountain7 💐🎉
It's my birthday as well. So sorry your friends didn't make the effort.

I've got to old to worry about it now but would be upset if my best friend didn't acknowledge it in some way.

YANBU, and even if you were to get a message or two tomorrow you would have nothing to feel guilty about. A text on the day is the bare minimum given the relationships you’ve described. And it would be highly unlikely that they’d all had crises today.

Take a step back from them in terms of gifts and your availability to help out. Really horrible for you though.

It’s my birthday too and I am similarly light on the greetings! Dd is with her dad and he couldn’t even bring himself to wish me a happy birthday when he picked her up this morning. I hope you’ve had a nice day :)

Happy birthday!!!

Forget the "friends".

Charitably, I'd say it's Sunday so maybe they posted a card and it didn't arrive by Saturday, but they don't realise? They think they've wished you happy birthday already

But they still should have texted, you're not wrong.

Happy birthday to both of you @Chocolatemountain7 @Ilearnitfromabook 🥳🥳🎁🎁💐💐🎂🎂🥂🥂

Thank you all - this thread has cheered me up. happy birthday to both of you @Mumski45 and @Ilearnitfromabook , I hope you've enjoyed your day

LOVE Melitza’s idea.
Happy Birthday, OP. You deserve better. 💐

if you DO hear from them., let us know 🌺🌸

@Melitza

On each of your friend's birthdays text them happy birthday and then treat yourself to the amount you would normally spend on them. Win,win.

Great idea!

Happy birthday OP

It's sad they didn't remember. But ... you did explain why two of them might not. One is having serious relationship issues; the other has a sister whose birthday falls on the same day. I can't imagine why you'd not just assume those take precedence?

I suspect your other friend is embarrassed that you bought her an expensive item and she can't reciprocate.

They are rubbish friends. I blame Facebook for all this kind of thing though. People are used to just clicking like or typing happy birthday on there when theyre reminded by the app that it's someone's bd. Real world birthdays seem too much hassle for aome people now.

Happy birthday!

YANBU. Good friends should remember. You don't need to get over yourself.

Happy birthday
Let us know if anything arrives on Monday, even a birthday message
You deserve better

You had been questioning anyhow, so just do it.

Happy Birthday OP but I have another perspective. I don't have any expectations that friends send messages/presents on my birthday. If they do that's lovely but if not that is fine too. If a friend wanted to pay for a trip away and buy a kitchen gadget I might back off as it is overwhelming and I would never wish to reciprocate to that extent. It is pressurising if there is someone always ' on it ', sending messages for every occasion etc. Maybe I am just a bad friend but I support people in a way I am comfortable with with no expectations of what will be returned and that seems to work OK.

Also I just don't want to get into present giving or receiving with friends. I don't need stuff, I have enough to do buying for my family. I might treat whoever to tea and cake or give garden produce etc at any time to show I value them . I am happier with this. I was so glad when we stopped buying fir friends children at christmas and so were the other family too. It all gets to be a chore and meaningless. So name some new rules for yourself.

Yanbu to be hurt xx

Ps i dont want to get in to present giving either but i want a card, or a message or a bd wish!

You sound caring and generous. Some people place more importance on birthdays than others. A quick text isn't too much to ask, but it's not friend A's fault that friend B also forgot

Going forward, I suggest you just send them cards. They can still be friends, but perhaps lower your expectations around birthdays

Feeling a bit better today - still nothing but as I said before I'm not holding my breath. I've promised myself I won't be putting in any more effort with any of them in the future, unless they do first.

Thank you for all the birthday messages

I never understand these threads. If you want to celebrate your birthday and have a fuss made then organise something and invite people to it.
I love my friends but I'm terrible at remembering birthdays. If I'm invited to a party then I'll bring a present and a card but otherwise I probably won't remember. Beyond close family (DH and DM) I don't expect anyone else to keep track of my birthday either. Some years I've had a party and received lots of cards/presents, other years I haven't bothered and it's just been another day.
That's how it works for everyone I know IRL.

@ChunkyKitKat123 having a party and wanting a fuss is hardly the same as hoping my closest friends would just wish me happy birthday, via text which is free and takes 2 seconds to do. I never have parties for my birthday and nor do I want one. I managed to remember all of their birthdays without a party invitation or facebook, it would of been nice if they could have done the same. But obviously I am asking too much of them.