To ask if a teacher can teach their child at school?

[Tylila]

Do some schools/councils have policies against it?

How are situations handled when the child is involved and the teacher has to look at both sides without favouring?

Are there other considerations to be aware of?

@Tylila
personal care will be handed over when I feel confident in 1:1’s abilities.
It’s not you to judge that, the 1:1 is employed by the school, they will make that decision. If you’re not happy with it, be prepared to be hone educating.

Employed by people at the school who haven’t met my child and are going from the paperwork.

Are there other times I should be allowing my child to be changed and wiped by a stranger, on the say so of other strangers? Great if so, would make my job a lot easier!

Parents stay in the room with doctors for examinations, how is me needed to be reassured that DC is comfortable before handing over the responsibility anything other than responsible parenting?

Remember DC is mostly non verbal and would struggle to make clear their emotions at a later point. So if I just left them to it and DC wasn’t comfortable, who do they tell when there is no one at the school they know or has met them?

There is no one on this planet that fits their job role better than me

I mean this kindly, but apart from the fact that you already know your DS you are probably the worst person for this job. There are huge boundary issues with having a child's parent as his 1 to 1 - for your DS, for the other children, for the teachers.

You may think you are "questioning" school but the way you are going about it is all wrong - in applying for this job you would be completely undermining them. That's not ideal for any employee.

Your DS is getting older - by the time he leaves secondary he will be 16 or 18 - and part of schools responsibilities is to help him become as independent as he can be. Having his mum present every hour of every day does not allow this. You ask who he would be able to raise it with if he was uncomfortable with the 1 to 1. But who would he raise it with if he was uncomfortable with you being his 1 to 1 - especially as he gets older? Your presence is also going to impact on his friendships. Is that something you would want for him.

I'm assuming you wanted him in mainstream because you wanted him to have as many "nornal"/usual/typical (sorry - I hate all those words but couldn't think of another) teenage experiences as possible - he can't have those with his mum there 24/7.

Please read @BackforGood's excellent reply.

I completely understand your worries but you need to address these with the school in a different way, and you also need to accept that secondary is very different to primary and that there WILL be some bumps in the transition. You describe your DS as resilient, so you need to let him be resilient to some of the changes.

You may not have intended it to be but your initial post was somewhat disingenuous- being a teacher is very different to being a 1 to 1 - but even then if you look back through the initial replies you will see that most said that although it can work OK, the parent teaching their own child is avoided wherever possible.

DC’s in mainstream almost solely for the social aspect. The academic stuff is important but not my main concern as we have a plan in place for the future.

I take on board what everyone has said, I don’t entirely agree with some points as posters don’t know me, DC or the situation completely so they can’t comment with full understanding (but that’s AIBU).

I have a list of people to talk to today and will be making it clear that I want a clear plan for transition in place.

If a teaching assistant etc requires particular experience or qualifications that should be in the ehcp. If you end up not being happy with the appointed TA the school is very unlikely to change them. The school may suggest a transition period in September if you do not want full care straight away.

No, I think that sounds like a bad situation OP, and in the nicest possible way, you are not doing the right thing by closing down the opportunities for alternative viewpoints on your child's needs. I can't honestly think of a situation where this would not have a serious hidden agenda, especially with the way you worded the OP and the slow drip feed.

It’s is in the EHCP that DC uses Makaton and certain resources to access learning and communication. That’s why I’m not sure why there is no mention of experience of those being necessary to the role.

I haven’t got any preconceived ideas around not liking the new INA, I’m
sure I will. I’m just going to be clear on what I feel is and isn’t acceptable in terms of how the transition is done. Immediately taking on personal care being one of them.

@Tylila

It's clear that you love your DC with a passion and want what's best for them. But it's also clear that you aren't letting your child have any independence from you. With mum there the whole time they get absolutely zero time to grow any skills independent from you.

I think it's unlikely that you are going to listen to the school or posters in here so I imagine that you'll end up homeschooling. Which totally takes away from the whole point (which you said) of giving your DC the ability to socialise. Best of luck

@Thatsjustwhatithink

Honestly, you really are wrong. I’ve been the biggest advocate for DC’s independence possible. As agreed by all professionals involved. That’s how we’re at the point of them attending secondary. Because I pushed for independence.

I see why you would think otherwise based on the information available. But this isn’t about me denying independence, this is about me wanti;g to make sure this transition is done right so the long term plan which includes further independence is possible.

And of course HE doesn’t take away socialisation. Biggest myth out there.

What do you feel your son benefits from in mainstream, that would be lacking in special education?

The social aspect. DC has a very strong friendship group that is going to the same school. Being around them and having their support is a very big part of what has got DC to the point of attending mainstream secondary.

"It’s is in the EHCP that DC uses Makaton and certain resources to access learning and communication. That’s why I’m not sure why there is no mention of experience of those being necessary to the role."

The ehcp would need to say " a TA with experience in..... or training in......."

I guess that’s where the problem lies then.

"What do you feel your son benefits from in mainstream, that would be lacking in special education?"

I don't think that is relevant here since the TA support aspect would have the same issues.

I completely agree with you btw, and would feel exactly the same.

I get that me being a 1:1 isn’t the right idea, I do get that, I don’t necessarily agree with it but that’s by the by. I do appreciate the opinions despite some of them not being quite relevant to our situation.

I have a plan in place and a list of people to talk to so I’m sure it’ll get sorted happily in the end. This is something DC is incredibly excited for.

Honestly OP I think you should have sent him to special school. I've taught kids with much lower levels of SEN and secondary teachers just don't have the required time or expertise. He's be so much better off in a special school with expert staff and smaller ratios. I assume he won't be attending all lessons either so the social side will be much more limited

DC is attending all classes and the decision for secondary has been supported by all professionals due to the success we’ve had in primary.

The choice to continue in mainstream has been well thought out and prepared for as much as possible for years. This has also been the plan.

OP, part of sending your child to school is handing over some control to others.

You don’t sound prepared to do that.

I imagine she’s happy to hand over some control. But intimate care and medical stuff is a bit more than someone else telling your child off, or someone expressing views you might not personally agree with, so I don’t think she’s just being awkward!

But intimate care and medical stuff is a bit more than someone else telling your child off

Fine. She’s not prepared to hand over this degree of control. But it’s the same problem. She has to. It isn’t appropriate for her to be hired for this job or have any say in the recruitment process.

Agreed, but I think it’s a bit unfair to make out she’s just an over involved parent. There’s more to it. Some of the things she’s asking are reasonable.

Some of the things she’s asking are reasonable.

And some of them really aren’t.

She needs to decide what she wants for him and what she’s prepared to give to get it. Her ideal scenario isn’t realistic.

@Tylila

It’s is in the EHCP that DC uses Makaton and certain resources to access learning and communication. That’s why I’m not sure why there is no mention of experience of those being necessary to the role.

I haven’t got any preconceived ideas around not liking the new INA, I’m
sure I will. I’m just going to be clear on what I feel is and isn’t acceptable in terms of how the transition is done. Immediately taking on personal care being one of them.

Am I understanding correctly from this that his current 1:1 translates the teachers instructions and lesson dialogue/class discussion into makaton in real time, so he can participate fully? Or has he hearing, so the makaton is purely the 1:1 reading his signing and translating back to the teacher/other class members? If the former situation (HI) I am a little surprised they wouldn't specify makaton knowledge in the recruitment. However, as people have been at pains to point out, secondary schools are very different to primaries, in myriad ways. Unfortunately we sometimes get very sparse information on children's needs from primary schools, from LA SEND dept etc, even for children that will need a great deal of support or assistance. We usually hold additional transition sessions for pupils with EHCP, so there's more time to familiarise themselves with the new environment, and so we can get to know a little more about them...but all transitions here have been cancelled at present, and our new pupils with ECHP will get a brief visit, which really isn't enough for either side to build a relationship ahead of September.

A 1:1 in this situation is someone that will be a learning resource, an advocate for your child, a guide to independence and transition to adulthood. It really has to be someone other than you. It is invaluable that children see other ways of doing things, other ways of life than their family home, it broadens their perspective, widens their experience, and is an important part of growing up and becoming independent.

I have assumed you are the mother, rather than father, of this child. Please be prepared for him to struggle emotionally with you providing personal care in the coming months/years. My son (Y7) was the cuddliest, snuggliest, puppy of a child, who was comfortable with nudity (he has sensory ishoos with clothing) until he began puberty this year. Obviously, we respect his privacy now, but I am not performing personal care for him. Your son may well find it far preferable to have someone neutral assisting him in the coming months.

I do wish you both the very best for transition, and hope all goes well with the recruitment on his 1:1. Secondary school is so much broader in terms of curriculum, extra-curricular activities, friendship pools etc, it is a very exciting time for your son, and I hope he enjoys every minute.