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to refuse to commit to arrangements to meet up at various play groups etc with other mums!

39 replies

sunglasses · 22/11/2007 13:55

I am just not that organised!!!
I have 2 children of 2 and 6 months and I have no idea how long it is gonna take me to get us all ready and who is gonna be asleep or when they will wake up etc so no i cant say I will definitely be at such and such a place at 4.15 or whatever!
Truth be known this concerns one mother in particular who constantly boasts that she gave herself two activities to go to each day when her children were small to keep them occupied and out and about- I just dont have the time or energy some days. What with cooking, shopping, cleaning, feeding and sleeping ( kids not me) I am chuffed that I actually get out the door some days and when I do I am just trying to time it so I can get back in time for Lunch or tea or nap time etc. Trying to co ordinate this with someone else is just too much. SO STOP PESTERING ME
I am being unreasonable arent I?

OP posts:

uberalice · 22/11/2007 13:56

No, not at all.


belgo · 22/11/2007 13:56

maybe they just want to see you?


Flier · 22/11/2007 13:57

yanbu. i can't be bothered with all of that, some people i suppose need that sort of structure to their lives, but not me.
glad i'm not the only one


Tommy · 22/11/2007 13:59

no - YANBU - at all.
How old are her children? I think sometimes it's easy to forget how difficult it is to organise yourself when you have a young baby


Slubberdegullion · 22/11/2007 13:59

Well a little bit .

ime its perfectly possible to get 2 small children and yourself organised to get out of the house for a specific time....and at 4.15 you have had most of the day to get everything sorted!

However don't feel pressurised to attend meet ups if you don't want to go. They are for your and your childrens pleasure are they not? If you don't fancy it then don't go......but you know any sort of 'meet up' is going to need a start time isn't it?


oliveoil · 22/11/2007 14:02

well can you meet up somewhere to have lunch?

I had mine the same age diff as you and I got out every day FOR MY SANITY

up, breakfast, out

or up, breakfast, play, lunch, out


Carmenere · 22/11/2007 14:03

God no you are not being unreasonable. I used to stress and struggle to get dd out to tumble tots when she was tiny and she was bored and I was stressed. I realised that I spent most of my time blocking the doorways as dd was trying to get out so decided not to go anymore. also none of the adults spoke to each other.
I am not a huge fan of organised fun and your dc's are very young, leave it for a while until they are a bit more predictable.


PinkPussyCat · 22/11/2007 14:04

I feel a bit pressured with these things too, I go to my local Baby/toddler group with 17 week old ds once a week and that is a struggle and I really grudge having to go if he's asleep. I have met some nice people there, one of the Mums there gave me a huge printout of all the activities she goes to with her OTHER post-natal group, and invited me along. But I just know I will never make it I am so disorganised .
I just tell myself well, they must all have cleaners, chefs and gardeners in order to do all this!


ruddynorah · 22/11/2007 14:05

having things planned forces you to be organised. i like it like that. we do something out and about every day. if you don't want to leave the house so much maybe ask people to come to yours?


mustsleep · 22/11/2007 14:05

i wich people would invite me to do these things


charliecat · 22/11/2007 14:06

YANBU My kids are now 10 and 7...I am meeting a mum at half 7 tonight. That gives me just enough time to get us all sorted
If its stressful dont do it.


annwoo · 22/11/2007 14:07

I also have 2 young ones - 23 months and 5 months. We 'try' to get out every day but not twice a day. We do an activity at home in the afternoons. Trying to meet up with other mothers at a given time and then to give everyone attention is far to stressful for me! So no you are not being unreasonable!


francagoestohollywood · 22/11/2007 14:08

When my two dc were so little I'd have loved the possibility of meeting up regularly with friends, which, at that time I really didn't have in this country.
But I was overwhelmed by the organization needed with 2 small children with only 22 month gap in between them (so overwhelmed that my eldest was going t nursery twicve a week).
However if you like this people, if they make you feel good, I'd really advise you to go. It's nice to be around other adults (If you like them).


sunglasses · 22/11/2007 14:10

Oh I only said 4-15 as an example!!
It is this particular person I have a problem with!
She is a bit of a pest and I dont think for one minute she wants to meet up because she enjoys my company! She usually doesn't let me get a word in edgeways and just talks about herself so thats quite stressful too.
As for getting things done all i meant was I try and have a routine for feeding and nap time so it doesnt leave a lot of time in between if you factor in that my toddler and baby dont do all their eating and sleeping at the same time.
I do like to get out but sometimes a nice trip to the library leaving whenever we are ready and returning when we need to eat etc is relatively stress free!
And its not always possible to get two small children organised and out of the house if one of them is still asleep in their cot is it? So There!
Come on let me moan!

OP posts:

PinkPussyCat · 22/11/2007 14:10

I do get out every day for walks etc but anything with a start time just seems beyond me ATM . So not a prisoner in my own home or anything! And it's great when friends can just come to the house - much less pressure!


Barcelonababe · 22/11/2007 14:12

I am with Franca on that! If you like them you will make the effort if you don''s up to you!

Just be honest with the person that it is pestering you!

I am now a grown up woman and i don't do anything i don't think i am going to like or do it to please someone else!

Life is too short!!


PinkPussyCat · 22/11/2007 14:12

Go on get it off your chest sunglasses! I know how you feel!


Flibbertyjibbet · 22/11/2007 14:13

When I made mummy friends at playgroups etc we just turned up if we turned up. If I got to know anyone particularly well we would text each other in advance ('R U Goin 2 playgrp' ha ha no not really I despise texty speak!!) and sometimes it did me good and got me out the door, but other days you have other things to do or, in my case, the children used to get in the way of all my mummy plans


sunglasses · 22/11/2007 14:13

Oh loads more messages since I posted this. Thanks for the support! Yes Friends would be great to meet. They are always more forgiving of disorganisation eh! But alas they all work or are too far away.

OP posts:

frostythesnowmum · 22/11/2007 14:19

I have a friend with 3 who quite often doesn't manage to get them dressed in a day so pretends to her dh she has got them ready for bed before he has arrived home
I think so long as you have a good support network and your lo gets the chance to join in activities and bond with other children then you don't need to be out and about everyday. The mum who goes to 2 activities a day probably lives in a minging house and never has the energy for sex with her dh


PinkPussyCat · 22/11/2007 14:20

Nice one Frosty!


sandyballs · 22/11/2007 14:28

It depends on the type of person you are. I hated being stuck indoors with my twin DDs when they were tiny and tried to fit in at least one activity or meet up a day.


sunglasses · 22/11/2007 14:31

Oh Sex- Whats that? Havent factored that one in to the 'Routine" yet
I dont mind going to some groups dont get me wrong its just I dont want the pressure or the feeling like I must be failing a bit if I cant make it.
I do go out most days and if its fine I am always at the park, which I find quite easy, baby can sleep in buggy, toddler can play, we can eat in the cafe but toddler group I go to doesnt allow pushchairs inside so I would have to lift sleeping baby out, who immediately wakes up and then is overtired and I have to carry her around. You just think oh is it worth it for a bit of playdo and a few bikes

OP posts:

annwoo · 22/11/2007 14:31



MrsSlocomb · 22/11/2007 14:31

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable.
If you say you will be there on time you should organise things so that you will be.
I hate being late and I allow extra time into my planning for mishaps and unforseen stuff like a last minute feed, dirty bums, lost toys, etc. etc.
It's not such a big deal!!
It takes some organisation that's all.

In the mornings we are all ready to leave by 8.20 and actually get out by 8.30.

If you simply don't want to bother with that a do stuff without these epople then that's fine, there is o reason why you should go out with them, unless you want the company.

If you say you'll be there then you should be on time, definitely.

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