To feel so traumatised?

[TwinkleToeMatilda]

So earlier today was driving home. Up the slip road I went and there was a pigeon slap bang in middle of my lane. I seriously thought it would move but it didn’t budge. I slammed on but I just knew there was no way that I would have managed to stop in time not to hit it... unless I swerved into the the grass verge so I over it I went. I thought there could be a chance it would be ok and not get hurt because the poor thing was directly underneath my car so not like I would of got it with my tyres but as I looked into my rear view mirror there was feathers flying EVERYWHERE. I could see it tumbling about to the side afterwards which I seriously hope was due to the gust of wind from my vehicle and not because it was half alive. But I just couldn’t believe I hit it. I cried and felt so sick. Told my partner and he thought it wasn’t not a big deal at all and that you kill thousands of flies etc when driving. I have never hit anything before and I just keep having flashbacks of seeing the feathers everywhere. I was close to going back to check to see if it was dead or not but due to where it happened there would be no safe place for me to pull over.

Before anyone says I know there’s worse that’s going on in the world and there loads of road kill on the roads but I seriously feel AWFUL.

AIBU or do I just get over it?

My father was a police officer. He told me he was at the scene of many fatal accidents where the driver swerved to avoid hitting a bird or animal. It's sad the bird was hit but more importantly you are ok.

I hit a deer once too, it ran across a busy dual carriageway en route to a motorway.

It was AWFUL - such a shock, guilt, everything, poor creature. We got home and called the police to report it in case it was found somewhere injured.

I feel ya.
I hit a squirrel a couple of years ago. I saw it fun under my front wheels and thought it made it but then felt the “think” under my back wheels. I was mortified and crying- I had to turn back to make sure it was dead and I was panicking at the thought of having to deliberately run it over again so it wouldn’t suffer. I was full of home it was ok and I’d just but it’s paw or something and could take it to a vet.

Rang my best mate mid crisis and she couldn’t stop laughing. Choked out “but you’re a paramedic!” Before dissolving into laughter again. No bloody use.

I mean, yes I am a paramedic this is true, but that is for PEOPLE! Nor woodland creatures!!! And I don’t tend to be the one that ran them over. It was gross and traumatic. I’m not over it. Not aided by said best friend leaving me voice notes as “the squirrel”

I’ve also been subsequently informed by DP and others that squirrels are considered vermin and if I’d taken it to a vet they would laugh at me.

Anyway. It was dead. Alas. RIP squirrel.

This has been thereputic. Thank you OP and I hope you are OOm. YANBU by the way.

Ahem. Run under my back wheels. Felt the thunk.
Autocorrect, why do you hate me?

Wow ok far too many autocorrects for me to even address 😳

I had a female pheasant flutter into the side of my car, spooked by me passing a high verge. I understand your reaction as I got out and found myself apologising to her. Couldn’t bear it when her two young pheasants ran towards me. Awful 25 year old memory, that one.

It happens all the time round here - narrow country lanes. I beep my horn when there is an animal up ahead. The pheasants are the worst, even though they are said to have good hearing. Now and again an animal or bird will get run over and you cannot beat yourself up every time. I just do my best and slow down (as long as no-one is driving up my arse) and beep.

DF hit a pheasant on the road to his village. He stopped, picked it up and put it in his boot. Waste not want not, he knew it was fresh so he was planning to cook it.
He was very alarmed a few hundred yards down the road when he heard banging from his boot. As soon as he stopped and opened up it flew off. Turned out it was just stunned. Lucky thing.

It's horrible. There were lots of suicidal pheasants where I used to live. Just used to briefly close my eyes and go eek. Main issue was they could do loads of damage to a car

@Pigeonorcoot

I don't blame you for being upset but you did the right thing - far better a squashed pigeon than swerve and put other humans at risk. And as pp says - it was likely sick or injured anyway if it didn't move. Would wine help? Or distraction? Or donate £10 to a bird charity if it will make you feel better?

Apt name. Is that you, benevolent ghost of the recently departed pigeon?

It is healthy to be upset, OP. Rather that than getting pleasure from killing a creature, just as people like Phil Spencer do.