Toddler scared of room? Leave him or rescue him??

[SleepingStandingUp]

Because obv it's shitty to leave him Screaming but then how do I know it's not just because he knows he'll get brought back down if he does it? If you even walk him near his room he gets screamy, afternoon naps I can just about get with a quick settle but evenings are shit. He ends up downstairs all night as we sit silently in a dark room trying to get him to sleep only to then risk waking him when we put him in his cot and be up and down all night. Last night he fell asleep in 0ir bed after an hour of trying, went back to his own cot about 2 am and was back in with is by 5 but he was so hysterical.

And to top it off it sets off his twin brother who would otherwise generally settle ok so I can end up with two of them downstairs until late.

I just don't know what to do. Obv I can't leave him Screaming, for his and his brothers sake but then his bro gets upset because he's left upstairs and he's past the calm but when he would have slept.

I just see years and years of this ahead of us, older DS didn't go down easily until he was gone 4 and at 6 it still takes stories and bed cuddles

What are we doing wrong?

@boydy99 T2 just won't be cuddled to sleep. Fine when he went by himself easily, utter pita now

Think we'll try sides off.

@twinmum86 I do try leaving for bits, depending on needy attention cry or hysterical scream but we might have to try something more solid and structures. He's still wide awake

I'll call the dentist,they do drink a lot of water overnight too

Maybe a cd player is a good idea , D's certainly fell asleep to music for years

I'm not a parent so feel free to ignore this advise completely but my brother's eldest was like this. He and his wife were at their wits end with exhaustion and couldn't see a way forward. My sister in law was pregnant and couldn't lift him in and out of the cot constantly so they took the side off and his sleep improved almost immediately. Could you try that with your sons?

@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag I have 3 and am clueless so always happy to take advice from people with good ideas! I think side off is going to have to be the next option

YouTube... Supernanny... Stay strong. Sorry I can't suggest more detailed plan.

Can you fit one travel cot in your room? Even awkwardly right next to your side of the bed temporarily? Some are narrower than others. I think to break the resistance you need to stop and change things up rather than try and force it.

With mine I just let them sleep in our bed as long as they wanted, but one of them didn't like to be cuddled or sleep in our bed at that age (did when older) and when they had a sleep regression at the same age as your twin, I found a toddler sized swaddle (stopped him trying to climb out the cot/stand up in the cot) and I'd play obnoxious white noise and just be in the same room but not making eye contact and this really did the trick. If that didn't work I would put him in his pram in the same room I was in, it meant there wasn't any separation anxiety as he was in the same room, but he knew he couldn't get out so he would just fall asleep. If I carried him up to bed within 20 minutes of him falling asleep he would stay asleep. If he didn't fall asleep-it would give me enough time for older siblings to fall asleep and me to do things like clean up dinner/do washing.

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@LadyFidgetAndHerHandbag I have 3 and am clueless so always happy to take advice from people with good ideas! I think side off is going to have to be the next option[/quote]
There's a reason sleep deprivation is used a torture device!

Mines 2 and is in bed with me and her dad every night she won't even go to her own bed anymore, I'm just hoping she will grow put of it one day x

My two had dropped their naps completely before 18 months. Even a ten minute doze in the car at lunchtime would have them swinging from the lights until 10.30pm. They’re now 6 and 4 and bedtimes are a nightmare. They just don’t have any desire to sleep whatsoever.

Cot mattresses on the floor would free up room to play at non sleep times. Stair gate on door if there isn't one already. Lots of nice cuddles and stories in bed and then 'back in 5 mins to check on you both' and increase the time.

There is an 18 month sleep regression. My son went through it for about a week.

He's 23 months now and when he is tired I put him in his cot with his milk. He'll be falling asleep then all of a sudden will get up and try and get out by putting his leg over. If I put his leg back in he'll just cry and get himself in a state. At this point I just get him out and see what he wants to do. Sometimes he just wants to sit with me or sometimes I let him have a five minute play. For us, it's catching his peak of tiredness. Once I see him yawn and rub his eyes I put him back in and he goes to sleep. It's catching the peak of their tiredness which helped for us.

Also, in the day we sometimes pretend to put his soft toys to bed and say things like 'ssh, dragon has to go to bed now.' Also he has the baby Little People figures with a cot and we also play and put them in their to go to bed. I think this helped. It might not have helped but it definitely went hand in hand!
I'll show a picture of them. You could get two of the baby little people and give one to each twin to put them to bed.

No doubt it's harder to put two to sleep for sure!

These are the sets we got DS. They're great little sets for teaching simple tasks like bath time, bed time and dinner time.

There*

@Dobbyafreeelf

Swap cots for toddler beds? Then they can cuddle up together if they want to and perhaps feel less trapped than in a cot?

I was going to suggest this. Make a big deal out of them buying new beds, choosing bedding and setting their room up for them. Make it a fun competition who can quickly jump into bed first. Maybe their own special light next to them. We stuck a couple of those stick on led lights on one of our DDs beds so she could push the button herself to put it on. We play games, setting up a guard of toys and stuffed animals around the bed. Sometimes I will set up a surprise scene with toys and pretend I’m not happy with it and the toys will have to come out, when my dd says no I will say ok but you have to go straight to sleep though. Things like this.

The only other alternative is separate rooms, the one that screams in with you until you get a more settled routine.

Unfortunately some children are just harder to settle than others. We had to lie with our 2nd until she was 4 1/2 and she’d always end up in our bed every night. She only stopped when I was pregnant with our 3rd and we told her mummy’s tummy was too big for her to sleep with us. It worked the first night we did it. Now she only comes in when she’s not feeling well.

I have 3 kids inc twins too and have had them all in the same room since twins were 2 as no one likes sleeping alone. I play a Moshi story (there is an app) for my kids when they are going to sleep, they like them so are willing to be quiet and lie down for it - if they don’t I say no story/I’m leaving. And follow through (I don’t need to anymore but at first I’d go for a few minutes at least - to get my point across). The Moshi story is very good at getting them to sleep. I then switch to pink noise from a glow dreaming which already has its red night light and oil/humidifier going. As a general rule these days I can leave the room within 10-15 minutes (while story still going), but this has taken time.

CC isn't for everyone, but if you do it then you just need to make sure you stick to it. There's no point going through an hour of crying to give in and go get them, then the hour was for nothing! Before you start, just make sure you're prepared to see it through.

Although as I say it was really a pleasant surprise for us!

What's your bedtime routine?

Dd (17 months) recently decided she hated being put to bed having been a good settler previously. We have always done a bath and story but I added a stage where I sit with her in the room after putting the night light and white noise on and we do 'goodnight room'.

Like in the book 'goodnight moon'. She points to things and I say goodnight to them. And she drinks water.

Not sure if it would work in a small room with two of them but it's really calmed her down, she will now go in her crib without crying again.

It also helps if I can get her to go to her room herself instead of carrying her there

Could you just read to them whilst in cots?

Take upstairs into cots. You sit on floor in between and read. After x2 short books, story tape on. You sit on floor in between cots ignoring as much as possible with your kindle. Soothing them with voice if needed but try not to pick up.

Only 1 here. But he’s been a bit of a nightmare sleeper first year. Recently better though, and I have found the more I pick him up the more he gets annoyed. I generally leave him alone to settle, but if he needs us , we sit on chair away from cot where he can see us and try and Ignore or just ‘shh shh’ as needed. If we have to pick up as too unsettled it’s a longer process.

Also.. mine doesn’t seem to need much sleep, what time are they going to bed? Maybe not tired? 14 month here does bed around 8pm, and is still awake at 6am happy as Larry, with a 1-2 hr nap midday. So 10-12 hrs sleep per day max. If bed at 7pm and he isn’t tired he takes ages

Also, do they get enough excessive per day? If they aren’t spending a good chunk of the day active then they won’t be tired until even later. Mins already like a dog needing several runs a day!