To not want to do EVERYTHING for him?

[statuera]

My partners half brother (18) lives with us. He can't seem to do anything for himself.

Partner usually makes him toast if he asks but this week partner was on nights so he was asleep, the first few days I made him toast with no problems but today id had enough and I told him he could make it himself and all he had to do was put bread in the toaster. He then said he ‘wouldnt have anything then’ and went back upstairs. He then told partner when he woke up that I was being horrible to him and I called him lazy(i didn't). Partner didnt say anything though.

.

This is a regular thing when DP is working nights and I've now had enough. He's always asking me to do things that's just an example.

You need to tell him you're not his mum, you have no intention of being his maid and he needs to stop acting like a helpless child and get his shit sorted.

It is ridiculous that he can't do it but if he doesn't know how the toaster works he doesn't know. Rather than get angry just show him and then detach.

He needs to leave.

Is he ill?

Why does he think you're his mum?
Why is your DH ok with this situation?

I think you need to kick them both out if it's your home. Or leave if it's not. This is fucking ridiculous.

Even his mother shouldn't be making his toast for him. I was doing that at later primary school age without burning the place down. Your partner is the main problem though - why on earth is he expecting you to be happy with this bizarre arrangement? Would he make your sister or brother toast etc?

It's really odd!

@Majorfluff

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

DO WHAT? You do realize that having someone expect/demand unpaid service is not something that you are required to comply with? And sometimes making someone be responsible for themselves is the kindest thing you could possibly do for them.

Isn't your partner concerned about an 18 year old who doesn't feel any compulsion to develop the most basic level of independence? I thought my then 7 year old was lacking independence recently when she asked me to do her some toast. Now she's learned to do her own and she is much happier that way than relying on me to get her a snack. It's not normal that an 18 year old would want to rely on everyone that way.

ACan't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?
Exactly the same time it would take lazy arse to do it himself, I'd imagine?

@Majorfluff

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

Why do I keep seeing comments like this on threads when the OP is clearly not being unreasonable??

“Can’t you just be kind and do whatever it is the poor little man wants you to do? It’s not that hard, just be kind.”

If it’s not that hard they can do it themselves can’t they!

My God, tell your partner you aren't his mother and he comes when he is able to be with him.

@statuera

My partners half brother (18) lives with us. He can't seem to do anything for himself.

Partner usually makes him toast if he asks but this week partner was on nights so he was asleep, the first few days I made him toast with no problems but today id had enough and I told him he could make it himself and all he had to do was put bread in the toaster. He then said he ‘wouldnt have anything then’ and went back upstairs. He then told partner when he woke up that I was being horrible to him and I called him lazy(i didn't). Partner didnt say anything though.

.

This is a regular thing when DP is working nights and I've now had enough. He's always asking me to do things that's just an example.

He's a manipulative weasel that knows how to play people. Let him go hungry.

Him lying about being called lazy shows he knows he is being lazy. Why else would he suggest you think that of him?

I'm hoping that there's a good reason he's there rather than in his own little place; like between jobs, in school, or an expensive area. Our DS2 is home until he gets a better paying job (he's sincerely trying) and can move back out.

Room & board is all well and good but there's something called 'being a contributing member of the household'. DS2 pays us R & B but he also has home responsibilities just as DH and I do and we expect him to carry them out.

If I were you I'd start assigning 'duties' to your DH's brother and demanding he do them, be it vacuuming, dishes, yardwork, or changing everyone's damned sheets. Maybe he'll choose to 'move on'.

He is a cf.

OP do you have any end date to his residency?? I hope for your sake you do and it's soon.

Does this 18 year old have severe disabilities?

If not, what the fuck?! Seriously, just what the fuck?!

This can’t be a real thread.

I wonder why he fell out with his last servants? I would be really cheerful and nice to him but just look baffled when he asks you to do something for him 'why would I treat you like a child, you're a man' or 'why would you think I want to do that?'

@Majorfluff

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

But it’s not kind to infantilise a young adult. It is kinder to let them do things for themselves and become independent. It is not respectful to treat adults like they are children and consequently it is not good for their self-respect. This young man knows that he is lazy and incapable of performing basic tasks because he is immature but not witless.

Far better that he is greeted with a cheery “help yourself to toast if you want any” than that someone wet-nellies around after him like he’s a toddler.

Did I miss something? Is he intellectually challenged? If he's functioning at 7 year old level or below, my opinion would be different. Is he working in a non-sheltered environment? Can he dress himself? Is he reliably toilet trained? Is he able to leave the house independently?

Please tell me he’s got a birthday coming up and you can get him something like this?

So much I could say.....

but I'd get banned 😳🤣