To not want to do EVERYTHING for him?

[statuera]

My partners half brother (18) lives with us. He can't seem to do anything for himself.

Partner usually makes him toast if he asks but this week partner was on nights so he was asleep, the first few days I made him toast with no problems but today id had enough and I told him he could make it himself and all he had to do was put bread in the toaster. He then said he ‘wouldnt have anything then’ and went back upstairs. He then told partner when he woke up that I was being horrible to him and I called him lazy(i didn't). Partner didnt say anything though.

.

This is a regular thing when DP is working nights and I've now had enough. He's always asking me to do things that's just an example.

Gosh, my son used to do this, but then he turned 8 and learned how to get his own toast. Just let him sulk, he won't starve.

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

Same time it would take the lazy git to do it, presumably.

Jeez I would have shrugged at the point he said right ‘well I won’t have anything then’. It’s no skin off your nose whether he eats or not.
If he’s brother I’d happy to skivvy after him, that’s his business, but you’re right to refuse to.

@Majorfluff

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

In that case why can’t he make his own damn toast?

How is he sourcing his other meals?

He was living with his grandparents but he had an argument and he's been living with us for a few months.

He does pay board. DP usually makes his own toast and the toast for his brother at the same time so it's not really an issue for him. But it has started to get annoying

This sounds utterly ridiculous

Basic laziness,so would not do anything for him. He needs to help around the house too. Years ago, when one of my Grandsons .aged 6 then,made me some cheese on toast,and brought it out into the garden,when I was just finishing off some weeding, he said I have just made this for you Nan, to give you some energy ha ha. He had cut the bread into triangles too,and it was lovely.

A NT 8 year old should be able to make toast for themselves. I’m assuming you have a toaster and you don’t have to use a blowtorch and a welding mask or dangle the bread over the mouth of a volcano?

@Majorfluff

Can't you just be kind? FFS how much time does it take to make some toast?

Probably about the same time as wiping the arse.

Should OP do this as well in a spirit of “be kind”?

Seriously?

If this man cannot make his own toast at age 18 then his upbringing has been severely deficient. Your partner is not doing him any favors by continuing to treat him like a small child. For his own sake, do not give in on this. If you are feeling extremely generous, you could teach him how to make some other meals. Learning to look after himself will improve his self-confidence, even if he hates it.

He's pathetic and your partner is an arse if he thinks you should be doing that for his brother.
Tell them both no more.

That is ridiculous. If he can’t make his own sodding toast he can just starve. My 9 year old can make toast.

You said he lived with his grandparents but fell out with them. Where are his parent(s)?.

My 7 year old can make toast. The 9 year old can make scrambled eggs to go on top of said toast. I cannot believe an 18 year old can’t or won’t perform a simple task like that.

Do you guys eat anything apart from toast?

In retrospect, it might have been better to begin as you meant to go on, OP, but how could you have known he was so helpless and resentful? Or is he one of those, "Woman, get in the kitchen and make me a sammitch!" types who imagine that's what you're there for?

I'd remind him that three adults and zero children are currently living in the house, and nobody is there as support-human for anyone else. At most you could offer to show him how the toaster works - once - and not by toasting anything.

When I show DSGC how to do something they've moaned about and clearly want done for them, I demonstrate and then immediately undo it and say, "Now you have a go yourself and I'll watch if you need me to."

DSGC is 10 years younger than your character!

Laughing at the thought that he thinks you'll worry and capitulate for fear he'll starve himself. Wonder what the issue with his DGPs was? 🤔😉

Had an argument with his grandparents - I wonder what it was about 🤔

It isn't kind to enable idleness. It doesn't help young people to become functioning, independent adults.

It certainly isn't kind to his future partners to allow him to the people he lives with as his staff.

What's the betting he fell out with his grandparents because they told him to make his own toast too?

@IAmAWomanNotACis

What's the betting he fell out with his grandparents because they told him to make his own toast too?

My thoughts too!

@Farwest

How is he sourcing his other meals?

He usually has a packet of crisps or something for lunch (or he could make something when me and DP are out but he only eats crisps or things like that when we're around). And for dinner he has whatever we cook or he orders McDonald's etc

I won’t get involved but you shoouldnt be so angry too.

It’s just toast. Show him how to do one and then watch him do the other toast.

No 18 year old needs showing how to do toast ffs..

He chose not to do it and then went and lied, that's the thing that needs addressing. Did your DP believe him ?

Is he intellectually challenged? I have never ever heard of this from an 18 year old 😂