To not want to sleep with DP

[80swinebar]

As in bed sharing not sex.

He snores. That’s obviously really problematic as when we do share a bed I am awake for hours.

But if I’m honest it’s not just that.

I toss and turn before settling and I don’t feel I can do that when bed sharing. I like having the quilt wrapped around me. I don’t like it when I have to cough or they do and you worry about waking them up (or fart!) or wake up to use the toilet …

Is it really unreasonable to just prefer your own space of a night? I don’t know any other adults who do this but by the same token I just can’t see how I can share a bed and get eight hours a night.

I think this question comes up twice a week. Yes it is fine to sleep in different rooms, lots do.

I wish I could have my own room for all the reasons you list, sadly there's no space here.

I’m lucky to be able to fit two small doubles side by side in my room so DP and I sleep next to each other and it’s easy to get in for a cuddle but also don’t have to worry about waking each other up - I wear earplugs to deal with his snoring. Apparently I now snore too but he can’t wear earplugs so I’ve told him I’ve done my bit for years, if he can’t sleep he need to go downstairs!!

@Aprilx

I think this question comes up twice a week. Yes it is fine to sleep in different rooms, lots do.

Yeah but there is a difference between MN and RL. Shocking I know. Everyone in RL has a toilet brush as well

My parents did for 20 years and were happily married if that helps. My mum was a poor sleeper, hit menopause and co-incided with dad's knees getting bad and his snoring ramping up. My bro and I moved out, mum went into my room.

Me and husband haven't shared a bed in years as I'm an extremely light sleeper with insomnia and husband is a rock with the snoring of a whale! Lol. Our relationship is brill and our sex life is good, we just don't 'sleep' in the same room. 🤟

I could not and do not put up with irrational rage I feel for dh snoring. I have got myself some luxury bedding and sleep elsewhere.

If everyone is well rested I do t see any issue.

Maybe stop talking about it? Nobody’s else’s business.

We do it sometimes in the summer but it’s not like I go out my way to tell friends so I bet you do know people irl who do and don’t talk about it.

A lot of women stop bed sharing when the menopause night sweats start. In times gone by your children would have moved out, so a room was going spare. It's more usual than you think.

Dp sometimes goes in the spare room if he can't sleep or he's got a really early start for work.

He also dislikes the feel of one of the bottom sheets (god knows why; they all feel the same to me) but I like it because it's the same colour as one of our duvets. Occasionally, when I'm changing the beds, I'll use that particular sheet knowing full well that he'll get into bed, moan that it feels funny and go off to sleep in the spare room leaving me to have the bed to myself for a week so that I can have loads of space and can have the light on to read for as long as I like without dp telling me that he's trying to get to sleep. 😁

Me and my partner don't even live together and we have been together 11 years and we have a child. It's not the most conventional way of living but it works for us and I have never been happier.

Haven't slept in the same room as my husband in years, I wasn't getting any sleep and couldn't continue like that, we have spare rooms so I decorated one exactly as I like, treated my self to nice bedding and it's 'my' room now. The only problem is now I dread our caravan trips because there's no way to avoid his snoring, I hate earplugs. We stayed in a hotel a while ago and I ended up dragging all the spare bedding into a little private hallway attached to our room and sleeping on the floor!!! Once you get used to the comfort and silence of sleeping alone its hard to share again.

We have separate rooms, it's wonderful.
I am much happier when I get sleep so it's better for everyone!

My husband moved into the spare room when my snoring got really bad, I was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and got a CPAP machine so I no longer snore. This was 2 years agoand we still sleep separately I can’t see us sleeping together any time soon

There's a reason why most spare rooms have an excellent bed in it, they are being used!

DH and I have 1 bedroom, but various people (kids and us) sleep in various beds depending on circumstances
I think it started when I got pregnant and needed to sleep alone. Now if one is ill, one fancy a quiet night, one has 1 or 2 kids sharing the bed... we move around.

not a big deal, we all need sleep.

Well a few of the issues might be fixable? How about a king duvet on your double bed, so there's enough to wrap around? Or if you already have king bed, get two single duvets?
The feeling comfortable with tossing and turning /farting/coughing etc... just do it! The more you do it the more normal it will seem.
The snoring... Assuming it's not something he could do something about , such as getting checked for medical condition, weight loss, special pillow etc? If not, does he stop or roll over when you jab him, or is it literally all night? Big difference.

But if you can't resolve the issues, I can't see anything wrong with sleeping separately if you have the space. You might have to be more intentional about intimacy though.

I'll never sleep with anyone again, I have a CPAP machine for sleep apnoea and sleepwalk also talk loudly in my sleep.
My DS says it's not a good idea me getting married again - I have to agree.
I can't help feeling it's really sad when a married couple has to lose that intimacy of being in the same bed at night but needs must I guess.

I share with my DH, although when he's away or working shifts it's also bliss without him. We have two double duvets on a king sized bed (all linen matches) which works brilliantly and I'd recommend that to anyone...

My parents have had separate bedrooms for more than 50 years (and are very elderly now). This works for them.

Do what you need to do to sleep well - it is important that you are both ok with it though.

My mother doesn't sleep with her husband, they start off in the same bed but soon move around. He snores all night and she never sleeps so walks around on and off all night waking everyone up.

We don't share a bedroom, dh snores like a bear and is such a restless sleeper. We stopped sharing a bedroom in out mid 30s, we both get good nights sleeps and wouldn't share again. Doesn't worry or bother me in the slightest.

me and my partner havent stared a bed in nearly 2 years.

he is an extremely loud snorer - I think people thought I was exaggerating until BIL and his girlfriend stayed and heard for themselves!

better for us all round, I dont get disrupted by his snoring and ge doesnt get disrupted by me constantly nudging him!

@2brokegirls

Me and husband haven't shared a bed in years as I'm an extremely light sleeper with insomnia and husband is a rock with the snoring of a whale! Lol. Our relationship is brill and our sex life is good, we just don't 'sleep' in the same room. 🤟

Similar except we share a bed for half the week only. I love going to sleep with DH next to me, and waking up with him. It's the bit in the middle - actually sleeping - that's tricky (snorer). Sharing a bed for half the week works really well for us.

I know loads of people who sleep in separate rooms.

I am surprised you think it's so rare.

Have your own bedroom and bed.

Nothing wrong with it at all, myself and DP have our own bedroom.