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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a nice gift idea

45 replies

Lirogiro · 26/06/2021 08:40

A lot of my friends have big birthdays this year and I thought I would buy a trip to a spa for one of them so we could have a nice day out together.
My DP thinks this is really arrogant as I'm buying something for us to do together and something I would enjoy.
I could get a voucher for two so she could choose who to take although DP says she'll feel pressured into taking me.
DP also says it's lots of pressure to give her something to do rather than just a gift she can do what she wants with but I can't think of any object gifts that I think she'd like.
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is a nice gift? Help me get the right gift!

OP posts:

Imcatmum · 26/06/2021 08:42

Perfect give because not only is it a spa day but you're giving her your time too.

RainRainGoAway12 · 26/06/2021 08:46

My friendship group have done similar for big birthdays. We’ve bought birthday girl a voucher and then booked as a group together. It’s not just a gift, it’s about spending time together to celebrate. I know which of my friends like spa days though so I know it’s a gift they’ll enjoy.

We do have one friend who prefers to do things like this with her husband so we got her a voucher for two and made it clear it was for the two of them and not any of us.

Anyway, you know your friends best!

ILoveAnOwl · 26/06/2021 08:54

My friend and I bought a spa day for each other as a big birthday gift. It was lush. If you know 100% she loves spas, I think it's a great gift.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 26/06/2021 08:57

Could he be calling you names because it would mean you spending a day out, leaving him to take care of the children, by any chance?

Lj8893 · 26/06/2021 09:01

If my friend did that for me I would love it!!

Shelddd · 26/06/2021 09:01

It's not arrogant. I assume you know your friend better than your DP does.

I think it's a great idea and going together is quite normal when you buy for a friend.

Personally I prefer paying for an event, show, or even restaurant/whatever for someone vs a physical gift...

NerrSnerr · 26/06/2021 09:03

Depends if it's what she really wants. I wouldn't enjoy that as a gift and would find it stressful to try and fit it in as we work irregular hours don't have anyone to help with childcare so I'd feel under a bit of pressure.

If you know she'd like it I'd go for it but if you're not sure I wouldn't bother.

BarbaraofSeville · 26/06/2021 09:05

For a joint spa day, you need to collectively arrange it, or else you'll come accross availability problems, but as a gift, it's a nice thing to do as a group celebration.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/06/2021 09:29

Im with your DH, you get the treat of the day out and the company so I’d not feel it was a gift for me but something you wanted to do.

Disfordarkchocolate · 26/06/2021 09:32

My idea of hell but for a lot of people this would be a great present. Ignore your husband, you know your friends.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/06/2021 09:34

I think the question is does she like spa days? If so it's a perfect gift. If not then he has a point. I hate them but I'm probably in the minority

Moonface123 · 26/06/2021 09:34

I would absolutely love it, my friend has arranged for us both to have a Spa day together and l can't wait.

Thingsthatgo · 26/06/2021 09:35

If I loved spa days, then I would love this gift. (I dislike them and would feel under pressure to go). If you know she enjoys them, then I think it’s a good idea.

Erictheavocado · 26/06/2021 09:35

As long as you know your friend would like it, it's fine. Personally, I cannot imagine anything worse than a spa day, and if I was gifted this, I am afraid I would be 'unable' to find a date that worked for me.

JustKeep · 26/06/2021 09:36

Depends on your friend really. I don’t have any interest in spas so would not be thrilled, but presumably you know she would enjoy it? You should definitely give her two tickets so she can choose who to take though.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 26/06/2021 09:39

If you know she enjoys a spa day and she enjoys your company then this would be a great gift. Ignore him, you know your friend best.

iklboo · 26/06/2021 09:50

I would love it - a day with my friend doing nice, relaxing stuff, maybe lunch or a meal afterwards, a few drinks. Lovely day out for me.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 26/06/2021 10:05

I would love that as a gift

Womencanlift · 26/06/2021 10:08

What about a Virgin experience voucher instead? Then she could use it for a spa break but also 100 other things

There is also less pressure on the receiver to include the gift giver in the experience

I have bought these for big birthdays before and they went down well

dontgobaconmyheart · 26/06/2021 10:33

Your DP sound a bit over the top about it, bordering unkind, why is he so bothered?

Whether it's a good gift or not ultimately depends on whether it's something she enjoys. I wouldn't want to do it at all, wouldn't go, and would be even less comfortable being asked while we are still in the midst of covid. I think it's best to avoid putting pressure on people to arrange things but you could ask her if she likes the idea of a spa day together, on you, first and see what she says.

What your DP thinks of it is irrelevant really.

luckylavender · 26/06/2021 10:38

As long as she'd enjoy it then it's good. My idea of hell.

NormanStangerson · 26/06/2021 10:41

It’s a great gift, assuming you know your friend and what she’d like.

Quick question, how is your partner when it comes to giving gifts?!

Clarich007 · 26/06/2021 10:45

Sorry this would be my worst nightmare and I can see ypur husband's point of view, but you know your friend best

00100001 · 26/06/2021 10:45

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Im with your DH, you get the treat of the day out and the company so I’d not feel it was a gift for me but something you wanted to do.

But it's the same as buying a theatre ticket for your friend as their present and you both going.

If you know Alex has always wanted to Les Miserables (for example) it's still a gift to buy them a ticket. If you're going as well, then you aren't being selfish or arrogant. You get to enjoy their gift with them,and be with them to see them enjoy it and have a shared experience.

Doesn't make it less of a gift

KimmyAndMe · 26/06/2021 10:54

My friend bought a spa break for me for a special birthday. I would have preferred she bought one for me and one for her. I had never been to a spa, had no idea what it entailed and didn’t relish the thought of hanging around all day, on my own, with nobody to talk to.

So I ended up buying another voucher for my dd to come with me. So I, effectively, bought my own present. A cost I could have done without really.

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