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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is a nice gift idea

45 replies

Lirogiro · 26/06/2021 08:40

A lot of my friends have big birthdays this year and I thought I would buy a trip to a spa for one of them so we could have a nice day out together.
My DP thinks this is really arrogant as I'm buying something for us to do together and something I would enjoy.
I could get a voucher for two so she could choose who to take although DP says she'll feel pressured into taking me.
DP also says it's lots of pressure to give her something to do rather than just a gift she can do what she wants with but I can't think of any object gifts that I think she'd like.
So, am I being unreasonable to think this is a nice gift? Help me get the right gift!

OP posts:

amylou8 · 26/06/2021 11:00

You know you're friend best, and if you're 100% sure she'd like this it's a lovely idea. I was given a river cruise and meal once 100 miles away. I felt pressured to use it and it cost a fair bit extra in travel, and time I didn't really have spare. Ended up being a right pain.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 26/06/2021 11:00

It's a perfectly fine gift idea for someone who likes spa days. I can't imagine anything worse, but that's irrelevant as I'm not your friend If your friend enjoys spa days and enjoys your company, I can't see the harm in a shared experience gift. If she doesn't like your company, I'm not sure the gift is the issue!

Toddlerteaplease · 26/06/2021 12:06

I'd live it I'd someone bought me a spa day!

SamMil · 26/06/2021 12:08

I'd love this! A relaxing day out and a chance to spend time with my friends. Sounds good to me!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 26/06/2021 12:10

My friend did this. She kept the ticket and we were supposed to go together. It didn’t actually happen (and I don’t love spa days, not really my thing) but the idea was nice.

Blue4YOU · 26/06/2021 12:10

I really dislike spa days. I’d feel awful if someone got me one as a gift because I’d obliged to do it. But.. as everyone has said it depends on what your friend likes (just a side thought - would she like it with covid restrictions and so on?)

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 26/06/2021 12:14

I think it’s lovely but when I do things like that I make sure I still spend how much I would normally on their ticket and mine is extra if that makes sense. Having said that if a good friend bought me and her that to go together I would be happy to spend the day together and not bothered about the money side

Proudboomer · 26/06/2021 12:19

I have never been to a spa in my life and have no wish to so I am probably not going to add anything useful.
But on the whole I hate gifts which involve doing something whether it be spa days or hot air ballooning as they are a bit shit if you have no one to go with or if the gift giver is going to be part of the experience then it is usually something they want to do and will enjoy so more a gift to themselves.

Newestname001 · 26/06/2021 16:16

I would absolutely love it if someone bought me a spa day somewhere really nice.

There was a time I used to have vouchers for my favourite spa bought pretty regularly so I could have an overnight or weekend there. I've missed those... 🌹

Doghead · 26/06/2021 16:36

This would be my perfect gift. Your husband is an ass

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 26/06/2021 16:41

Oh well, now he has mansplained what women do and don't want for Birthday presents, the perils and pitfalls experience gifts and your egotism and friendship dynamic to you you should let his superior man brain choose a suitable gift, obviously. What an insufferable wanker.

Brefugee · 26/06/2021 16:42

i hate this kind of gift because it does put pressure on. And yes, if you buy it for two the assumption is that she'll take you. That's a bit naff, tbh

TwoLeftElbows · 26/06/2021 16:45

Depends on your friend. You know your friend better than your partner does.

Majorfluff · 26/06/2021 16:52

Just give her an Amazon gift voucher.

SupermanInk · 26/06/2021 17:02

Does she like ‘doing things’? Does she like spa days? Do you all get on? If so it’s fine and ignore your husband.

It would be my nightmare present to receive but everyone who knows me would know that. 😬

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 17:06

It's a great gift, if you think you're friend is the type who'd enjoy it. It's a treat and your time too.
Your DP is thinking of himself, I agree with the PP who asked if he is complaining as it means you won't be available for a day for childcare for your own DC! Bet he wouldn't say same if it was a gift of a golf, drinking/club or racing day out that he was taking his friend out on!

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 17:07

*your

drpet49 · 26/06/2021 17:12

** My DP thinks this is really arrogant as I'm buying something for us to do together and something I would enjoy.

I could get a voucher for two so she could choose who to take although DP says she'll feel pressured into taking me.**

^I agree with your husband

ViaRia · 26/06/2021 17:25

Putting some of the other practicalities aside for a second (e.g does she enjoy spa days, will it be ‘the same’ given COVID rules, will she incur any additional costs, etc), I think your DPs response is quite strange.
There is a huge market for giving gift experiences in various forms. It is not considered arrogant at all… if it were then there wouldn’t be so many spa days, afternoon tea, driving experiences, hot air balloon rides, etc sold. I think these packages are mostly bought as gifts for others, and only rarely purchased for oneself.

Agree with others, who have already said that if your friend enjoys spa days, then I’m sure she will find it a lovely gift. I personally prefer to give two tickets (and hope the recipient chooses to go with me) but in that case you sort of need to be prepared for the slim chance they may wish to use it with someone else. If you are not 100% ok with that, and want to ensure you get to go as well, then just present it that way. Either is perfectly fine.

Hope you both have a lovely time.

Aprilx · 26/06/2021 18:13

If she has mentioned enjoying spa breaks before or has never been but mentioned she would like to, then I think it is a lovely present and anybody that enjoys spas would be delighted.

If somebody gave me a voucher for two, I would not feel obliged to invite the giver, in fact I would probably think they don’t want to go to the spa with me otherwise they would have made it clear it was somewhere they were taking me.

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