To be annoyed that the class parents' Xmas party is 'Mums Only' as one of the Dads has been having an affair with one of the Mums!

[quandry]

So.... because two parents are behaving badly, 40 other Dads are not invited to the Xmas bash?

The PTA organiser said she thought it would be a bit 'insensitive' - WTF?

I can sympathise as DH's office Christmas do used to include partners and was a bloody good night out. Then the boss started an affair with someone in the office and didn't want his wife at the Christmas party so it's been no partners ever since.

Quandry - most of the Dads who want to see each other do - there is a school Dad's group - the BFG (Budapest Father's Group) and they have regular curry nights. To be honest the ones who tend to bring husbands are non-English (actually so am I but there you go!) and it can be a bit strained. The mums all know each other from school, well most of them.

Sounds a very different situation to our school, Buda... our lot are one large homogenous happy group, whic don't normally split into mums/ dads events.

Oops, perhaps should say were "one large homogenous happy group"

I agree with the premise of the OP that this was a bad way to handle the fall out from an affair...it draws attention to the whole sorry matter

But digressing a little, those of you who prefer to go to these things as couples please explain to me (am genuinely curious) why you prefer this to a cracking girls night out with your friends from school? Genuine question

My ds is not at school yet, so am extrapolating from toddler groups - I MUCH prefer weekend affairs with both mums and dads at the park, than the mums only coffee-mornings in the week. They are just more fun and less competitive.

HMC - think it depends on the nature of the friendships?

We don't live where I (or DH) grew up, so our friends around here are as much equal acquaintences for both of us - but not the sort of friends who you get rip-roaringly drunk with and pass out at 2 am in the morning on their sofa

In fact, thinking about it, we don't really go in for the 'boys night out'/ 'girls night out' thing? DH has been on the occasional sport weekend with some male weekends, and I have the occasional night out with some female friends, but mostly we socialise as a couple.

Oranges - you prefer weekend affairs with both Mums AND Dads eh ? Wow that was honest of you to admit that??!

the teddy bears play too!

"DH has been on the occasional sport weekend with some male weekends"

WTF am I typing?? Clearly I meant friends

The PTA should invite all parents with a child at the school regardless of their personal circumstances. About a third of marriages end in divorce and even more partners will see their relationships break down. The school is there to educate the child, regardless of parental relationship circs, and the PTA exists to support the school in so doing. Does my love of the PTA come across?

mummydoit - Are you certain your DH's boss didn't make it mistresses only instead of partners and spouses?

So potentially, the mistress and the wronged wife can be at the Christmas do together, but not the Toad? [boggle]

Do they think that without this delicious stud muffin to overwhelm the senses, the girlies will play nicely?

1 wife + 1 mistress + alcohol = holy hell.

Just to clarify:
I think the 'affair' is supposedly over, and the philandering 'Dad' has been taken back by his wife, and they are trying to make it work

BUT

the 'mistress' cas split up from her husband, and they are now separating/ he is moving out.

I think the idea of not inviting Dads was so that the 'getting back together' couple wouldn't be in the 'spotlight' together, but it all sounds bizarre to me.

Forget the PTA do and gather up all the parents at the pub instead.

But if its 'mums only' then the adultering mum can come along and be in the same room as the 'wronged' mum?

Thats hardly being sensitive is it?
Unless I missed something wizzing through the threads?

Oh, Hekate put it so much better than me.

Makes you wonder who it's being sensitive to - the wronged wife who now cannot present a united front, or the ex-mistress who now doesn't have to see the Toad back with his wife.

Oh, and the Toad avoids having to face the 2 women together. Lucky him. They ought to take a testicle each and play conkers.

HMC - lol at "wry smile" - why "wry"?

In my dd's class, the parties are open to mums or any other female who does regular school drop offs/helps in the classroom.

I've never thought about it tbh as my dd's father is long gone from the scene and I wouldn't take my dp with me. It's nice to get time out on your own .

We don't invite the Mums from other class though as they're a bit of a rough lot - drunken rows, storming out, bickering over restaurant bills . Sounds like we could be missing a trick there . Free entertainment.

Like HeKate's suggestion .

So you can slag off the parents from the other classes/exchange birth details/boast about our dc's reading ages.

Oh and circumcisions were on the discussion 'menu' once .

I found it highly amusing as two mums vied to up their birth horror stories - 5/6 years after the events!

I would rather have an affair than go to a PTA Christmas do.

this is madness, madness!

and very very nineteen-seventies. Mike Leigh?

Did the affair start at a PTA do where husbands were allowed?