AIBU to expect Ex to bathe the children?

[bathemydc1]

Ex lives with his partner and her 4 year old daughter. They stay with him 3 days and me 4 days. Sometimes they’ll stay longer if I’m doing something, or during lockdown it was one week on one week off. Anyways when they stay with for a full week, he barely bathes them. I’ll give them a bath before they leave my house, and the next time they have a bath will be at my house when they come back even though they’ve been staying at his house for a week.

For example, they had a bath at my house on Sunday and I did the school run on Monday, he picked them up and they’ve been at his house since. I just picked them up from school today, Friday. And they’ve not had a bath.

He’s a good dad in the sense that he loves his children, provides for them and sees them as much as me. They are very close, but he’s just very lazy. Which is why I left him. I know his partner does the majority of the housework and childcare. He often plays PS4 all night, and will sleep til 3-4pm. Life is the same, he’s just in a different house lol.

I’m currently doing training for my new job, so they’ve been staying at his house more.

I wanted to ask, AIBU to expect ex to bathe the children at least few times a week if they’re staying for a whole week? Or at least once in the 3 days they stay with him. He will if I remind him, but then he goes back to his old ways .

Not unreasonable at all. How old are the children?

Sorry I forgot to mention, they're 8,7 and 5.

Surly that means his girlfriends daughter is not getting bathed too unless her mum does it and leaves your children to your ex
They should be bathing at least twice a week if all week and omce if it’s 3 days
Does he work?

@Crazycakelady17

Surly that means his girlfriends daughter is not getting bathed too unless her mum does it and leaves your children to your ex They should be bathing at least twice a week if all week and omce if it’s 3 days Does he work?

It's not really her responsibility to bathe he partners kids though, he should be doing that

Yes but surely the step mum bathing her own DC would remind him or she'd put the younger ones in together? I couldn't live with someone who neglects their kids and whilst I know the step mum isn't responsible I think it's very unfair to not care that kids haven't washed for a week.

I wouldn’t wash or bathe someone else’s kids. This is on him he’s a lazy so and so.

@helpmewiththisnew how did a thread about Op's lazy all-night-xbox-playing ex become about the current woman in his life?!

That’s shocking
Have you brought it up with him.

@helpmewiththisnew

Yes but surely the step mum bathing her own DC would remind him or she'd put the younger ones in together? I couldn't live with someone who neglects their kids and whilst I know the step mum isn't responsible I think it's very unfair to not care that kids haven't washed for a week.

I don't think it's helpful putting any blame on another woman who isn't even responsible for the children

YANBU at all. At their ages I think at least the older two could also just be told to take showers (if there is one at the house) or left unsupervised in their baths. It's not like a one year old where you have to be very hands on.

Unfortunately I'm not sure what you can practically do.

YANBU I’ve found it’s often easier to prep dc to do things for themselves. The bigger ones should at least be able to run themselves a bath or jump into a shower without too much assistance.

Who is telling you this?
Him or dc?
Do they brush teeth clean anything?
Are they smelly or dirty?
At 8 and 7 they can say "dad can I have a bath"?
Do they change underwear each day?
Have school commented?

He might learn if school teacher pulls him aside
Says the kids are coming to school clearly unwashed
If indeed they actually look or smell unwashed , maybe not at that age
Rather than it coming from you

People have different standards of how often children should be washed. I wouldn't think it an issue for a child to go a week without a bath, unless there was some specific problem caused by it.

@Crazycakelady17

Surly that means his girlfriends daughter is not getting bathed too unless her mum does it and leaves your children to your ex They should be bathing at least twice a week if all week and omce if it’s 3 days Does he work?

His girlfriend has nothing to do with him being too lazy to clean his kids.

That’s grim not to bath them for a week and not on to not bath for 3 nights either; what does he say when challenged?

Do they wash or shower?. If they do then I don't see the problem. My kids stopped having baths after they were toddlers.

@Crazycakelady17

Surly that means his girlfriends daughter is not getting bathed too unless her mum does it and leaves your children to your ex They should be bathing at least twice a week if all week and omce if it’s 3 days Does he work?

Why does it surely mean that? . This has nothing whatsoever to do with her or her child.

Yes but surely the step mum bathing her own DC would remind him or she'd put the younger ones in together?

Perhaps she doesn’t want to put non related children in the bath with her child? I personally wouldn’t bath my children with someone they weren’t related to so maybe she feels the same

Do they clean their teeth? I'd be concerned if they're not being bathed that their teeth aren't being cleaned either. YANBU, but they'll survive not being washed whereas teeth not being cleaned would make me hit the roof.

Couldn’t they just shower if he is lazy? Seriously, just turn shower on and they can soap themselves. Maybe the five year old will need some help. My dc age 7 and 9 do this if they don’t want a bath. Of course I make sure they actually use soap or smell their hair after,’as my son tried to get away w not washing w shampoo. Just rinsing w water.

It wouldn't take much effort for lazy bones to start the shower for them and make sure they have soap, shampoo, and a towel then run them through one at a time.

Probably going to get flamed here but pre-covid my kids could quite often go a school week without at bath.

They wash and brush their teeth every morning, always have clean clothes and underwear and have never looked dirty or smelt.

We left the house at 7.30/7.35am and would be picked up from after school club at 4.30/5 and usually at least one of them had a club, add in homework and tea etc it was very quickly bedtime.

They are now 9 & 14 and both shower regularly as they are much quicker and are both at an age where they now 'smell' a little more.

Personally I think by the time this becomes an issue they will be old enough to sort it themselves by taking a quick shower without being asked.

YANBU to feel he should, but tbh my kids of around the same age only shower twice a week unless really sweaty. It’s the sort of thing that would irk me but in the grand scheme of things it’s probably not worth rocking the boat over.

They don't shower. I know his partner doesn't let her child go a week without a bath, cuz DD tells me she has a bath when she gets home from nursery at 6pm. I don't expect anything from his partner tbh. I know this is just him being lazy, when I ask him why he just says he forgets. It's funny cuz I've known him for over 10 years, and he's never not had a shower everyday, he showers everyday, sometimes twice depending on what he's doing. So you'd think he wouldn't let his kids go a whole week without showering.

This stuff would fall on me, I did everything for the kids when we lived together, he didn't do anything other than just being present and living his life.

His partner gets the kids ready for school, before she leaves for work and he gets up at 8am to take them to school.

I've spoken to my older two dcs about it, but honestly they won't remember to have a shower unless you tell them.

I'll just have to continue texting ex every other day to remind him about it I guess 🙄