AIBU to insist going home

[Tismyson]

Covid has caused havoc on our finances like many.
We moved overseas 3.5 years ago and had a kid 2 years ago in September.
My husband has expensive habits and hasnt earned anything much in 3 years.
We have money from my inheritance, what's left that we haven't spent.
My 21 month old son has not met anyone except his grandparents. My sister is having a baby in September and the other about to go thru a divorce. My brother van afford to visit in December and dad in February.
I'm desperate to put the flights on a credit card and just go. Its expensive when you add in looking after our house and dogs plus quarantine process and testing etc.
It might not be any better next year
We had originally said we would go back twice a year which got too expensive and we quickly changed that to 1 time a year for a month. Then we had kinda agreed to do 2 months next year coz of covid meaning we havent been back since May 2019

Now that we got both our covid vaccinations and this island is on the green list theres nothing stopping us, right?

[expatinspain]

Why are you living abroad? Is it his country? For work?

[Roxy69]

This is not love. It's simply not good enough either that you are subjecting the poor child to this kind of skewed relationship, not learning the real love of parents.

[NutellaEllaElla]

I've often wondered how people manage to move abroad without pissing their life savings up the wall. Turns out, they don't. Amazing that he's got the balls to not work too. Living off your nest egg. Terrible idea.

[Mummabug18]

I understand that people will see your DH as a good for nothing but at the end of the day, it's YOUR marriage and you will leave only IF and WHEN you are ready. You, unfortunately, opened yourself for these comments in making it part of the post but I think the questions should be....

Can you hold off?
Can you come home alone or with just your 'kid' to reduce costs?
Can you get help with costs?

Personally, if it is a case of your MH vs finances, then go. If it's simply that circumstances are making you feel you should go when actually others should understand you're not in a position to, don't.

[Tigger1895]

Hate to say it, but you are enabling his habits. A few weeks away might be the best thing you can do.

[Fluffmum]

Life is short. Just do it

[QueenBee52]

This Thread is a Windup surely 🤔

[TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine]

@lastqueenofscotland

A good man? The father of your child who barely provides and spends all the families money on drugs and booze… presumably meaning your DC miss out on certain things?
Jesus Christ your bar is so low it’s a tavern in hades.

I flipping love this quote about the bar being so low it’s a tavern in hades - brilliant!

[PickAChew]

You need to insist on losing the good for nothing husband.

[ExPatTenerife]

@Tismyson

You’re me, 12 months ago but without the child. And I’m fortunate that he earns.
I’ve been there, and it’s really tough. Moving abroad and keeping a ‘normal’ routine is so hard.
I got sick of his lifestyle. I used my credit card and I went to see my parents for a visit. He went on a week long bender, fell apart and blamed me, and begged me to come back. I stayed in the U.K. until we made some rules and agreements and then I came back.
It took for me to be out of the situation to be able to say exactly what was needed.

12 months on, I’m pregnant and due my first baby in December. And that’s only after some big discussions. Life hasn’t been perfect, but it’s good and I’m genuinely happy. He knows I’ll leave him if he goes back to drinking etc and that was enough for him to want to change. He hasn’t just changed because he needed to, he got to the point where he’s actually wanted to change for himself. It took some really difficult discussions and a lot of arguments. But it was worth it.

[choli]

[quote ExPatTenerife]@Tismyson

You’re me, 12 months ago but without the child. And I’m fortunate that he earns.
I’ve been there, and it’s really tough. Moving abroad and keeping a ‘normal’ routine is so hard.
I got sick of his lifestyle. I used my credit card and I went to see my parents for a visit. He went on a week long bender, fell apart and blamed me, and begged me to come back. I stayed in the U.K. until we made some rules and agreements and then I came back.
It took for me to be out of the situation to be able to say exactly what was needed.

12 months on, I’m pregnant and due my first baby in December. And that’s only after some big discussions. Life hasn’t been perfect, but it’s good and I’m genuinely happy. He knows I’ll leave him if he goes back to drinking etc and that was enough for him to want to change. He hasn’t just changed because he needed to, he got to the point where he’s actually wanted to change for himself. It took some really difficult discussions and a lot of arguments. But it was worth it.[/quote]
Good luck after the baby is born and he has you trapped.

[ScrollingLeaves]

ExPatTenerife, what you said is interesting.
It is difficult to move to a holiday island and not degenerate by ending up with a permanent holiday lifestyle, lack of will, and fecklessness.

It is good you turned it around. Congratulations.

[1Endeavour2]

Watch out he doesn't try and put you on the game after your money runs out or stops. Lots of men have done this before him.

[Littlemissmagnet]

@Tismyson

I earn 98%
I dont want to move home
Expensive habits weed and booze

He's hasn't habits he has expensive addictions! And I am afraid your enabling them. Make one of his expensive habits an addiction councillor best money you will have ever spent. Use the money 💰he spends on his addictions to take you and your children home to visit while he is sorting his addictions out. Good luck OP be strong 💪💛 don't fund his addiction to the detriment of you and your children.

[AlexaShutUp]

Whether or not to visit your family really isn't the problem here. You're both being utterly irresponsible with the weed, and you know it. Your DH is a shit dad, and he is taking the piss. You don't have enough money to start planning trips. You both need to focus on sorting yourselves out and being better parents to your ds. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

[Hertsgirl10]

Can you go back home for a month or 2 with out him just to save some money on house & dog sitters?

[pitujones]

I just can't understand women that decide to have babies with that kind if man. Can you really leave your kid with someone that's as high as a kite? So many people are so delusional trying to sort a bad relationship with having a baby.... who then pays the price because they have shitty parents.

Come on it's 2021 we know addicts will always be addicts and most are never going to be good parents.

[ScrollingLeaves]

He might be a free-spirited, sensitive, bad boy type. They can be very attractive and look attractive like rock stars.

It is odd that the ‘selfish gene’ does seem to want babies from these. I have often wondered about it.

[Exhausted4ever]

He's a good man is he fuck. He's a lazy lay about spending your money on alcohol and drugs. He shouldn't be anywhere near your kid. And nor should you after you've been smoking it too! Bloody hell

[Tismyson]

It's only after baby is sleeping for me.
I prefer it than a glass of wine.
Each to their own.
I have to give hubby a shock somehow because he asked for money for weed today when I told him a week ago he has to earn it himself.
Thanks for your support.

[Hertsgirl10]

@Exhausted4ever

He's a good man is he fuck. He's a lazy lay about spending your money on alcohol and drugs. He shouldn't be anywhere near your kid. And nor should you after you've been smoking it too! Bloody hell

She’s not injecting smack calm down.

[thelonghaul]

I think you'll find its "what's yours is mine, what's his......or hang on, there is nothing"!
Get over it. He's not such a great guy. He's a waster. Of course he might be nice to you, but then you're the cash cow and he may be smart enough to keep you sweet.
Cut off his funds for booze and weed. He can get a job and contribute.
What exactly do you love about him?
What exactly do you not love about you?