AIBU to insist going home

[Tismyson]

Covid has caused havoc on our finances like many.
We moved overseas 3.5 years ago and had a kid 2 years ago in September.
My husband has expensive habits and hasnt earned anything much in 3 years.
We have money from my inheritance, what's left that we haven't spent.
My 21 month old son has not met anyone except his grandparents. My sister is having a baby in September and the other about to go thru a divorce. My brother van afford to visit in December and dad in February.
I'm desperate to put the flights on a credit card and just go. Its expensive when you add in looking after our house and dogs plus quarantine process and testing etc.
It might not be any better next year
We had originally said we would go back twice a year which got too expensive and we quickly changed that to 1 time a year for a month. Then we had kinda agreed to do 2 months next year coz of covid meaning we havent been back since May 2019

Now that we got both our covid vaccinations and this island is on the green list theres nothing stopping us, right?

Thanks. No more smoking his weed after baby sleeps!!!

So it's fine when the baby is awake... Neither of you should be taking drugs at all.

I'm out.

I missed that you are smoking weed too.

So it’s good you say you are stopping from today otherwise the ‘we’ in your relationship will be of two people who can’t swim drowning each other.

In your shoes I would ask family for help with tickets to come home without him. Then take that time to really take stock of your situation.

Poor kid.

He needs a kick up the arse to worse, and stop his bad habits, what’s his excuse?
Otherwise get he needs to a life and stop protecting him

@ZooKeeper19

Surely this is a wind up... surely. Two stoned parents with two year old? Living off inheritance on a holiday island? One of them just not bothered to even work? I mean...

The weed smoking was over egging a bit, classic rookie mistake.

I think for me it was the 'thanks, no more weed while the baby sleeps'

What was she even saying thanks for?

Thanks for those of you who were supportive and understanding. You all have no idea about all the other crap I've been thru.

You're right, we don't. But we do know that drugs are not the answer to this...

Get clean yourself. If he won't or can't clean up as well, then get you and your child out.

I realised that I cant get him to change so took lazy route and joined in for a while. I'm not smoking again as an example and he is not having more money for weed

Your poor child

I hope this is a clear wake up call. Your life sounds like a car crash, take some control and adult up. Ditching the pothead waster would be a good start

@Tismyson

I realised that I cant get him to change so took lazy route and joined in for a while. I'm not smoking again as an example and he is not having more money for weed

OP, Your poor child deserves better.

Heartbreaking to read.

Let this be a wake up call to you.

Lol ok.

Well done, OP! There's nothing a weed smoker likes more than drawing other people onto the habit.

Perhaps you needed to get to this point before you could say enough is enough. Expect him to be moody and resentful, but if he turns nasty please don't hesitate to call the police on him!

Maybe your longing to go home for a bit is an instinct to get away. If you go why not go alone so you can think about your future.

@Tismyson

Thanks... after almost so sleep last night I've mapped out what the new rules are. The problem has been the last few months I e been smoking weed with him

That's stopping today too.

So in actual fact you are both as bad as each other and baby has been breathing this crap in!!

Appalling.

Christ, here I am bringing up a child on my own and battling a debilitating chronic illness to boot. I actually felt slightly sorry for the OP when I read the first post. Fucked if I'm going to use any of my emotional energy trying to help anyone like this. Shocking.

Ridiculous moral outrage about weed. It's equivalent to booze.
Obviously this guy is overdoing both.

I'm glad you're getting a grip, OP.
Get your finances separate and only allow him an amount you're happy with.

People asked if he does a lot of the child work and house work but you haven't answered.
Does he do that?

Ridiculous moral outrage about weed. It's equivalent to booze.

Its almost like I predicted a comment like this.

Yes, weed is an issue. It's an issue in general for me. 2 parents getting stoned while in charge of a kid, is a also problem for me. Just like 2 parents getting drunk would be too.

And parents who are sinking themselves financially to get stoned would be an issue for most people.

Smoking and drinking away your inheritance is so sad!

@Ladylokidoki

Ridiculous moral outrage about weed. It's equivalent to booze.

Its almost like I predicted a comment like this.

Yes, weed is an issue. It's an issue in general for me. 2 parents getting stoned while in charge of a kid, is a also problem for me. Just like 2 parents getting drunk would be too.

And parents who are sinking themselves financially to get stoned would be an issue for most people.

Agree totally. It's quite obviously not ideal if they're both stoned at the same time in charge of a toddler and it stinks/pollutes the air in the house.

Sounds like you might have realised this, but in the nicest possible way OP, you need a kick up the arse more than him. You can’t blame him for smoking weed if you were buying it and smoking it with him. You both need to stop, the effects of drug taking on kids (direct and indirect) are dire. Long term cannabis users are generally terrible parents. You also need to model financial responsibility and a good work ethic for your son. So yes, YWBVU to pay for flights on a credit card and play happy families for a month. Get your DH into work, stop taking drugs and build your savings back up instead.

Just a note of caution, if you do decide to come home permanently with your child without your husband’s permission, you will be abducting the child and, depending where you live, he can apply for the child’s summary return. So get his consent in writing if that is what you want to do either now or in the future.