To (still) be really upset over inaccurate due date

[FluffyDogStory]

My younger DC is now a toddler but when I was pregnant my due date was changed following my 12 week scan to a date almost 3 weeks earlier than my due date according to last period. I said to the midwife at the time I was sure this was wrong, particularly as it was impossible for DC to have been conceived at that time as DH was away from home with work so we hadn’t had sex any time near that date. Midwife told me scan is always more accurate than dates and not to worry about it.

Later in pregnancy I was sent for growth scans repeatedly as baby was measuring small. Again I suggested this might be because the due date was wrong. Staff said that’s not possible.

I ended up going into labour early. 37+2 by the official due date, and around 34+4 by last period date. I told staff on labour ward I was worried baby was much earlier than 37 weeks. They said the scan date was right and not to worry. Thankfully baby was born healthy, but small (especially compared to my first DC). I said I thought baby was earlier than 37 weeks, staff said that’s not possible, I’m just worrying unnecessarily etc. I asked about lots of signs of prematurity - eg covered in lots of vernix, much smaller than my first baby, extremely sleepy even for a newborn. Again was told I’m just being paranoid.

At HV clinic baby was always low on centile chart for weight. One HV even tried to get me to switch to formula as they wouldn’t entertain the idea baby might be small due to being early. Another HV and the GP at 6 week check were the only people who said they thought it was likely my due date was wrong but said it didn’t matter now anyway.

Fast forward to now. DC has some signs of medical issue that is more common in premature babies. GP has said they won’t refer us for help yet, partly because they think DC doesn’t have any risk factors as they are recorded as full term birth.

I feel like I’ve been saying over and over that I’m certain the due date was wrong. I even explained that according to their dates I would have been four weeks pregnant before DH and I had even had sex that month! And yet almost every time healthcare staff have told me I’m wrong and that it wouldn’t matter anyway. Except actually it does matter now if I’m right that DC was premature and possibly has some issues as a consequence.

AIBU to be really fed up that they’ve ignored my concerns about this?

I had similar with my DD. Numerous growth scans because she measured small. She was born at 37+0 healthily at 6lb.

Constantly told she was too small and I should formula supplement.

I ignored the advice, trusted my gut, and she’s now a healthy 16 year old (albeit still quite small!)

If your toddler is healthy, why let it bother you now? Easier surely to know you were right and move on.

It sounds really frustrating. But it would be very unusual for a foetus to look 3 weeks ahead on a scan at 12 weeks if they weren't. The difference in the development at that stage is huge.

I would maybe try to focus on the help you think your dd needs now and what might be causing it other than potentially being born 3 weeks premature.

Sorry you had a similar experience minfilia but glad your DD didn’t have any ill effects from it. I also decided to go with my gut instinct about feeding and I’m happy I did as DC ended up gaining weight fine without supplementing.

I had pretty much put it all behind me, until this latest issue where it feels like the lack of recognition that DC might have been premature is being used by GP to say an issue we’re concerned about isn’t really likely as DC doesn’t have any risk factors since they’re recorded as being full term.

I was nearly 13 weeks by my dates with a due date of 3rd October, but the first scan put me at 11 weeks 2 days and 13th October. I gave birth on the evening of 2nd October, at "38 weeks". I think they are very much wedded to a few measurements taken on a particular day.

I had this - what was supposed to be 12 week scan said I was only 9 weeks. Which meant not only had I conceived while not in the same country as DH, I also got my positive pregnancy test before conception and on the same day I was referred for the scan by the GP! I could not get the date changed and I was terrified that I would be way overdue before anyone apart from me got worried. DC was born on the scan date, 3 weeks overdue by LMP, full head of hair, no vernix and loads of meconium.

Thanks pigeon. I obviously don’t know much about scans so I don’t know how easy it would be for the technician to have made a mistake. It seemed odd though that only 5 weeks after the 12 week scan I had my 20 week scan (the scans were closer together than normal because due date had been changed) and already they were saying baby was small for dates.

I guess part of my frustration is that we aren’t getting any support because the GP’s view is that DC doesn’t have any risk factors for the issue we’re concerned about and so we’re being told we have to just wait and see, rather than being offered any investigation or support.

Oh wow that sounds scary turnips, I hope your DC didn’t have any ill effects from being so overdue.

I had exactly the opposite worry, that I’d have to resist pressure to be induced based on the scan date. Turns out no need to worry since I didn’t get near 40 weeks by either date!

That's ridiculous and I had no idea they did it that way there. In the US where I live, your pregnancy and due date is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period. If you know that date they can't just change it because the baby is measuring big or small! I'm sure they use information from the scan to get a better estimate if the mother isn't sure of the date of her last period, but if it is known then that's the due date and it's not something that can change!

Are all you with two weeks different dates to your scans clear on how pregnancy is counted?? You know sex and conception happens at +2 weeks? So if you had sex and conceived, then were measured 10 weeks later, you are officially and correctly 12 weeks.

In the US where I live, your pregnancy and due date is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period.

Are you sure? That seems incredibly inaccurate given that a lot of women don't have 28 day cycles. Mine are around 42 days, so going by my lmp would put my due date 2 weeks out.

It's not just done by measurements. They use the measurements to get a number of days/weeks but they also verify that by looking at the development of the foetus. A 10 week old foetus is clearly different to a 12 week and 15 week old foetus.

I had a 12 week scan at 10 weeks due to lmp even though I knew it was only 10 weeks. Sonographer took one look at the screen and said you're not 12 weeks but I'll measure just to get a date.

Most of the issues you're describing can happen at 37 as well.
My daughter was born a few weeks ago at 37+2. She was small, absolutely covered in vernix. She had feeding issues. She had severe jaundice which required 2 readmissions for phototherapy.

No advice here sorry

But you aren't alone: my scan moved my edd forward 11 days to when I was on my period- I was tracking my ovulation so know they were wrong. I hadn't ovulated and we hadn't had sex in the time period needed for them to be right.

You could write to the practice manager outlining what you've said here and asking specifically for the support/investigations you'd get if you were correct

For a few different reasons I had two scans at 12 weeks, a private one and an NHS one. One put me a week ahead the other a week behind. When I asked about it I was told that the parts they measure to determine EDD are so small even less than q mm can change the EDD quite a lot.

pigeon, you seem pretty knowledgeable about this stuff so would you mind if I ask if you if the following dates are possible or if there’s a mistake somewhere.

So according to the due date I was given at my 12 week scan, I would have been 2 weeks, 5 days pregnant on the first day of my last period. I would have been 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant at the time DH and I had sex - DH was away with work so that’s the earliest time DC could have been conceived. I can’t see any way that this makes sense, which is why I find it hard to believe the scan was accurate.

Both of my babies had the issues you've raised and they were born at 41 weeks and 38 weeks. Both by csection.

In my experience, doctors are reluctant to diagnose any kind of long term medical condition in toddlers. My eldest has asthma which has been obvious to DH and I who both have asthma since he was nine months old. He finally got diagnosed at 3.5 years old. My youngest had speech problems apparent from 2 years old and again, it wasn't until he started school (nursery at 3) that he got fast track referred to speech therapy by school.

You need to push and push and push constantly.

Well that sounds incredibly infuriating. My anxiety levels just picked up from just reading that!! Sympathies!

@Imcatmum

Are all you with two weeks different dates to your scans clear on how pregnancy is counted?? You know sex and conception happens at +2 weeks? So if you had sex and conceived, then were measured 10 weeks later, you are officially and correctly 12 weeks.

Yes. I was nearly 13 weeks after my LMP and had sex/conceived 11 weeks earlier. Was told I was 11 weeks pregnant, i.e. had conceived 9 weeks earlier. Physically impossible.

Nope @FluffyDogStory, that is weird. First day of last period should have been day 0. Conception somewhere in and around day 14.

I hear you OP. We had IVF with a five day blastocyst, meaning we know the dates exactly. At the 12 week scan they put us a week ahead. They have used this date throughout, including at one point to put her on the 5% and also to plan the caesarean. I have tried until I’m blue in the face to explain that the correct due date is a week later, but they will not listen and keep telling me the 12 week scan is more accurate. We’ve managed to go late enough with the caesarean that it’s not a big issue, but it still strikes me as insane.

They have given her a conception date that literally couldn’t exist 🤷‍♀️

What annoyed me was that they were annoyed with me for coming at 11w2d as I had to come back a week later for the nuchal measurement!

Both my kids due dates were moved 2 weeks earlier at the 12wk scan. Both were born on my original self predicted dates (or 2wks late according to the professionals).
So sorry you have had such a tough time.

The arrogance of so many people saying you conceived whilst you were not having sex! YANBU to be pissed off.

If I were you I’d put everything in your OP into a letter to GP, including exact dates, and ask for your child’s adjusted age, by due date, fixed in the system.

As you are finding, being born premature is an important medical fact and it needs to be recorded.

I had exactly the same problem, and I thought I was going mad until I read your post. We had sex once, I knew the date but my scan but me 4+1 weeks ahead.
My first was born at 37 weeks and 10lb 2, so I knew mine were my big. I went in to labour at 31 weeks according to me and 35+1 according to the scan, baby behaved like a 31 weeker but no one would accept this

I just posted this in a similar thread, but I've had the same only my pregnancies are all IVF so I have concrete proof of when conception happened.

With my DS, they told me I was 10 days ahead of where I knew I was. He was born 8 days "late" but 2 days before the due date I knew I should have had. He was fine, just a long baby (still long now!)

This pregnancy (IVF again) is twins. Again, I know without a doubt when I got pregnant. First NHS scan they told me I was 2 weeks ahead and ignored me when I said that was impossible. At 20 week scan, they panicked because one of the babies was measuring 2 weeks behind and the other "right on track". I told them that they'd brought my due date forward 2 weeks in the first place and that it was IVF do undisputable dates, only to be told that baby B was worryingly small and I was sent for further testing. Second consultant at growth scan at 21 weeks actually listened to me and agreed with me that it wasn't a concern. However the closer I get to the end of the pregnancy the more I worry. They want to induce or C section at 37 weeks, but I know I'll only be 35 weeks, and nobody will listen to me. Midwives are worryingly uneducated about IVF it seems, even one of the consultants doesn't really seem to grasp it.

Sorry not much help but it happens and it's so wrong.

I had the opposite. Moved back two weeks which made it pretty impossible on my dates for similar reasons.
Then he was two weeks late and bloody massive.
I'm convinced he was nearer four weeks over.... which having now witnessed the excruciating pace at which he completes (or maybe thinks about starting) anything makes total sense