To (still) be really upset over inaccurate due date

[FluffyDogStory]

My younger DC is now a toddler but when I was pregnant my due date was changed following my 12 week scan to a date almost 3 weeks earlier than my due date according to last period. I said to the midwife at the time I was sure this was wrong, particularly as it was impossible for DC to have been conceived at that time as DH was away from home with work so we hadn’t had sex any time near that date. Midwife told me scan is always more accurate than dates and not to worry about it.

Later in pregnancy I was sent for growth scans repeatedly as baby was measuring small. Again I suggested this might be because the due date was wrong. Staff said that’s not possible.

I ended up going into labour early. 37+2 by the official due date, and around 34+4 by last period date. I told staff on labour ward I was worried baby was much earlier than 37 weeks. They said the scan date was right and not to worry. Thankfully baby was born healthy, but small (especially compared to my first DC). I said I thought baby was earlier than 37 weeks, staff said that’s not possible, I’m just worrying unnecessarily etc. I asked about lots of signs of prematurity - eg covered in lots of vernix, much smaller than my first baby, extremely sleepy even for a newborn. Again was told I’m just being paranoid.

At HV clinic baby was always low on centile chart for weight. One HV even tried to get me to switch to formula as they wouldn’t entertain the idea baby might be small due to being early. Another HV and the GP at 6 week check were the only people who said they thought it was likely my due date was wrong but said it didn’t matter now anyway.

Fast forward to now. DC has some signs of medical issue that is more common in premature babies. GP has said they won’t refer us for help yet, partly because they think DC doesn’t have any risk factors as they are recorded as full term birth.

I feel like I’ve been saying over and over that I’m certain the due date was wrong. I even explained that according to their dates I would have been four weeks pregnant before DH and I had even had sex that month! And yet almost every time healthcare staff have told me I’m wrong and that it wouldn’t matter anyway. Except actually it does matter now if I’m right that DC was premature and possibly has some issues as a consequence.

AIBU to be really fed up that they’ve ignored my concerns about this?

In the US where I live, your pregnancy and due date is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period.
This was also my experience of the 12 scan in the US. But they do also get you in early for an 8 week scan to confirm viable pregnancy so if something was off date wise presumably they’d pick it up then.

With my DD who I had in the U.K., they moved by due date back by 1 day, then the doctor doing by ELCS didn’t want to do it at the weekend so he booked it for 38+6, but then wrote 39 weeks all over my notes because they weren’t supposed do them before 39 weeks. I know it’s only a day so unlike poor OP it made no difference but the whole thing was really weird.

Last monthly period is a bad way of assessing pregnancy because it relies on a 28 day cycle.

I have a natural 20 - 22 day cycle. (I know! I’ve been on the pill all my adult life for that reason!) With Dd I wandered into the scan room at 12+4 and walked out at 13+5.

What annoyed me was not that they changed my due date - it made perfect sense once I investigated - but that it was implied that I was some kind of idiot who couldn’t count up my dates. I am an Oxbridge educated mathematician.

Not once when I queried the change did they say “do you have short cycles?” but they just kept muttering on about “it is hard to keep track of dates”. No it isn’t! It is maths! I am fucking awesome at it!

Once I investigated it for myself I discovered that my short cycles made the whole thing make sense. There is a perfectly reasonable biological reason why dates might move. But their attitude was to ignore biology and assume I made a mistake.

And breathe!

This is just one example of women being ignored by health professionals, I am 70 now and have noticed this more and more, before and through pregnancy and childbirth, and beyond. I think if you are pregnant it seems to make your voice or opinion even less likely to be listened to.

In the US where I live, your pregnancy and due date is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period

Is it not the same in the UK? It was 20 years ago when I had ds.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

In the US where I live, your pregnancy and due date is measured from the first day of your last menstrual period

Is it not the same in the UK? It was 20 years ago when I had ds.

They use first day of last period to date your pregnancy to decide when your 12 week scan should be. But when you have the 12 week scan then if the measurements don’t tally up with that then they change your original due date to match the due date suggested by your scan.

FluffyDogStory ah right , thanks.