To avoid barbecue

[Clappingforjoy]

All because I'm still depressed by not been able to have my 2nd dc 14 years ago due to premature ovarian failure. I still long for a baby and feel like I would be better off dead than feeling like this.
There will be pregnant relatives at the barbecue and I can't face it.

I don’t think the BBQ is the issue here you need to speak to someone about your infertility I’m so sorry you are going through this
Have you thought of fostering/ adoption I know it’s not the answer but if you really want to extend your family it is an option

Its too late I'm now 50 and still feeling this way.

If you need to be kind and gentle to yourself by avoiding pregnant women, that is a completely reasonable thing to do. Very sorry you are so low.

God is it normal to still be like this now.
I feel rotten my son is meant to be going and I asked him if he minds going along because I may have to work a complete lie.

Don’t go if you feel so low, op. I agree with @StarlingsDarlings, be nice to yourself and maybe think of a bit of counselling.
It might help you come to terms with your sadness So sorry you are feeling like that.

I feel like a utter cow to be honest one of the pregnant ladies has had trouble conceiving and I can't feel any joy for her.

You’re not an utter cow - you’re grieving your own loss. Don’t be hard on yourself. Allow yourself to feel that way. Then gather your thoughts and work out a way forward, towards feeling better.

Op if you attend the barbeque hold your head up high, and don't answer any questions you don't feel comfortable with...nobody as a right to know your health situation.

Op I'm not sure what ovarian failure is, but is your womb ok and healthy?(you could use a donor egg or "adopt "an embryo..(embryos that are leftover from others IVF cycles ...with the owners consent they are donated and implanted in the womb...

Maybe those could still be options, as well as fostering and adoption (there are more than one route to motherhood )

Ilove I just can't afford it

Not unreasonable at all to not go if it will bring up painful memories and upset you. Is this something that comes up regularly for you? You said it happened 14 years ago, have you been able to talk or confide in someone about the pain you've been going though?

Its a horrid feeling that you can't produce a child I long so much to be pregnant but I'm way past it. I also feel sidelined I've seen these relatives get so much support financially and emotionally and I didn't get that.

I've tried to talk but I find it difficult to describe the pain

As someone who couldn't have children, not even one, I think YABU. Despite my infertility I always felt happy for family and friends who had children and loved playing a part in their young lives, whether as aunt or godmother or friend.

It appears 43% have voted YABU but haven't given their reason. The above is mine.

I can't being to imagine the pain you have and still are feeling. Have you thought of looking up or contacting any groups of women who have gone through similar experiences. With online forums and groups I am sure there are other people out there who could understand and relate to you.

It can be very hard to see others being treated in a wag that you weren't and I'm sorry your relatives did not give you the support you needed when you were younger. ❤️

If you are still struggling then you do need to try to get some form of counselling or help. DP and I never managed to have a child together (I had 2 young daughters when we met) due to multiple miscarriages. I found it difficult to be around pregnant women, but when I realised it was impacting my children I got help.

I'm truly sorry crankley that must be difficult for you.

In the nicest possible way, YABU because you can’t let this define your entire life. It’s stopping you from enjoying what you do have which is a family and a son.

I know I have one already grown up now though some people have none but my feelings are there and despite trying to fight them I can't seem to get over it

My ds is an adult doesn't need me anymore.
I am fighting the desire for pregnancy and the young years again.

OP, I really do encourage you to go to therapy.

It's very hard not to have the family you dreamed of, and I have nothing but sympathy for that.

But if it's still dictating your life so intensely nearly 15 years after the fact, it's clearly something that needs to be addressed, as it doesn't look like time is going to heal the wound. You don't want the next fifteen years of your life to be circumscribed by this--you don't want to have to tell your son that you can't go to a reunion, or a wedding, or an anniversary party, for the rest of your life, because you haven't fully processed this.

I wish you the best.

Your feelings are your feelings and are valid but as you say yourself, things aren’t going to change now and it would be such a shame for you to waste the rest of your life wishing they would. I would seek some counselling to help you with these feelings.

14 years is a long time to be feeling like this and if you are regularly feeling like you would be better off dead then you really really need to speak to your GP. Have you had any counselling etc?

I had counselling and it didn't help

You have a son, who wants to attend this event with you. I can't imagine your pain, but you're rejecting the family you do have over a wish for more.

@Crankley

As someone who couldn't have children, not even one, I think YABU. Despite my infertility I always felt happy for family and friends who had children and loved playing a part in their young lives, whether as aunt or godmother or friend.

It appears 43% have voted YABU but haven't given their reason. The above is mine.

This. I have very limited sympathy and if that makes me sound harsh, so be it.