To take things said by a three year old with a pinch of salt?

[stobartstruck]

Nct group often flurries with over-dramatic responses to 'hurtful' things said to them by their pre-schoolers.

AIBU to think 'ffs it's a small child, they don't really know what they're saying'

Or are preschoolers actually capable of wanting to offend?

I think it depends, I guess if you're having a bad day or doubting yourself you could worry about it. I wouldn't really describe the rubbish most 3 year olds come out with as 'hurtful'.

They'll have a shock when the preschoolers turn into teenagers then! Hurtful x1000 (but still not really meant). Can understand getting upset if you're having a bad time anyway but sounds like the group are winding each other up and getting overdramatic.

Mine told me recently she loves her daddy more than me. I said that's fair enough, thanks for sharing your feelings.
Her dad thought it wasnt nice of her to say so asked for more details and it was because he always buys her sweets on Thursday 🤷‍♂️
They're kids. Nothing they say should be reason for an adult to be upset really.

God, they sound like delicate flowers.

They really sit there regaling everyone with "nasty" things their toddlers have said to them? . They're supposed to be the adults...

It's still like 'dagger to the heart', 'I've got mum-guilt now', 'made me feel like crying'

Maybe I'm just a hard cow! My daughter says stuff and I just assume she's picked it up somewhere and is repeating it. They're innocent little kids!

Of course you're right that an adult should be able to rise above whatever a three year old says, but in practice it can be hard. Mine is going through a stage where he massively prefers his father and 98% of the time I can l laugh at him greeting me with 'but I don't want you, I only like daddy' or telling me he loves daddy not me, but when I've had a tough night with the baby or a long day with the two of them it's hard not to care a bit and not to feel rejected. I have sometimes cried about it (never in front of DS), which I know is ridiculous. And no, I don't think he's doing it to hurt me - he's utterly bemused at being told it isn't nice because he thinks it's a neutral statement of fact - which is actually why it's so upsetting.

Surely this is purely performative and the adults don’t really feel this way.

@ATieLikeRichardGere

Surely this is purely performative and the adults don’t really feel this way.

I think that's what annoys me more. It's too performative. One woman in particular.

What's the required response I wonder? That they're a great mum? Or what?

That’s probably what they are looking for. I can’t stand this sort of thing myself and would struggle to give them what they want but if you can do it with an eye roll it might make for an easier life!

This thread is making me feel worse! Either I'm very precious (which isn't something that I normally consider among my many faults) or I'm the only one who has this said day-in day-out - of course I could laugh of it were a one-off, it's harder when it's very much not.

Many many years ago I said (aged about 3) to my wonderful DM ‘you know, some mummies don’t go to work’. No suggestion that I was intentionally being cruel but OUCH for my poor DM. Is it not that kind of thing?

@Hardbackwriter

This thread is making me feel worse! Either I'm very precious (which isn't something that I normally consider among my many faults) or I'm the only one who has this said day-in day-out - of course I could laugh of it were a one-off, it's harder when it's very much not.

I don't think what I said applies to you though, in fact sounds opposite

@DelurkingAJ

Many many years ago I said (aged about 3) to my wonderful DM ‘you know, some mummies don’t go to work’. No suggestion that I was intentionally being cruel but OUCH for my poor DM. Is it not that kind of thing?

Yes silly things kids say because they have no filter, blown out of proportion and taken in the same way as if an adult said it

But what are the children actually saying? Hard to know without that context

dagger to the heart
overdramatic much?
🤣

Shakespeare is rolling in his grave like Phil Dunphy's rotisserie chicken

bloody hell, does this really happen ? heck knows how we managed back in the day without the dramatics and social media.

Huh, are they really wailing and gnashing their teeth distraught at what a three year old has said to them?

Or are they just sharing it because it's funny?

They don't have a clue at that age, they're not capable of deliberately trying to hurt you emotionally, they're just testing things out and seeing what happens. A three year old saying they hate you usually mean you're preventing them from doing something they want to do. A three year old saying 'I love mummy but I don't love you' is usually testing to see whether your love is conditional (if they can even conceptualise love like that!). A three year old saying they are a cow just means they really like cows.

@stobartstruck

It's still like 'dagger to the heart', 'I've got mum-guilt now', 'made me feel like crying'

Maybe I'm just a hard cow! My daughter says stuff and I just assume she's picked it up somewhere and is repeating it. They're innocent little kids!

Sounds like she's having a really tough time emotionally and just wants to get some reassurance that other kids do this too and it doesn't mean anything.

I don't think you're a 'hard cow', you might just be in a less sensitive place right now. Anything could be going on in her life that means what you or I would shrug off really upsets her.

What's been said? I found it really hard when my friends son used to repeatedly call me fat. I mean I was larger than his mother but he used to say it so... I don't know the right term but it was like he got glee out of seeing my face look sad. I know that's probably rubbish but it meant I hated being around him. I was early 20s, did everything I could for that family, was really taken advantage of and this was the final nail in the coffin really.

Ds aged about 3 or 4 had to complete a sentence Why I love my mummy. He wrote because she charges up the iPad
I honestly could have throttled him

I meant spinning!

I find making a three year old responsible for mum's emotional welfare a little off.

What's the required response I wonder? 'Did you mean to be so emotionally manipulative?' might not be one that they would appreciate.

Hahah my 3 year old told me the other day, in context, accompanied by a foot stomp and a cross face when I told her off that she doesn't love me! Because she has an older sibling in school who comes out with all sorts including 'I don't love you' to people, toys, inanimate objects and she copies!

I just said 'that's ok poppet, I love you anyway!' and got on with my day. I mean honestly what was I supposed to go, fall down weeping?!

As a young mum I was working some very long hours on a difficult project. My then three year old once asked me "mummy where are you living now?" Ouch....It hurts the more because you know it is not meant to be offensive in any way. OP you are allowed to be hurt by a two or three year old, and I certainly was, but remember at this age they do not mean harm, and that they also say lovely as well as not so lovely things..like running for me as I come thought the door after a hard day.

What are they saying? I’m trying to remember what my preschoolers used to say and I’m coming up a bit blank.

I remember one of my six year olds telling me I was a “stinker poo head” once when she was utterly furious and I went downstairs and laughed myself silly, because it was so unexpected (and obviously picked up from school, which just painted a funny picture of bust ups in the KS1 playground).

What are three years olds saying?