To constantly think my child will be ill

[Doodahtee]

A couple of years ago we were sat in the garden in the shade with my newborn. I had some chores to do in the house so my MIL said she would sit with my DD while i got a few things done. She moved into the sun to get warmth and DD got sunburnt on her face. It caused a small blister. The guilt I feel is horrendous but the vote is about my life post this event.

The past few years have been awful and I constantly read articles about the consequences of sunburn in childhood especially if it blisters. It has really consumed my life and I am constantly she scared she will get skin cancer. I hate being outside.

Yes YABU to let this consume your life and constantly worry that my Dd will get skin cancer
No YANBU I would be the same and worry about this a lot

My DH thinks I should be forgetting about this by now

YABU, but as an anxious Mum with a young PFB I do get it!
Don't be hard on yourself but worrying continually / Googling isn't going to change anything. I would say it's highly unlikely that this single occurrence will harm your DD in the future. Try your best to let it go but follow the guidance going forward.

You being worried about this won't change the outcome, so you are BU to torture yourself over it. What's done is done, but don't let MIL be in charge of your child again.

Mind, I'd have been raging about the sunburn at the time!!

You've posted about this before haven't you?

You have anxiety I'm assuming. Have you seen the doctor about it?

You need to see someone about this level of anxiety. It’s not normal and it’s clearly making you very unhappy for no good reason.

This is classic health anxiety OP, and I sympathise as I have suffered horribly from it myself in the past. Please confide in your health visitor or GP and seek some help. Untreated I found it robbed me of so many opportunities and experiences and the anxiety was disabling. In my experience the anxiety jumps from one thing to another - so even if reassured totally about the sunburn issue (which by the way I genuinely don’t think you need to worry about) your anxiety is likely to latch onto something else. You have nothing to feel guilty about and CBT or similar would address this, as well as the anxiety in general.

This does sound like you could do with some support for health anxiety.
CBT can be accessed online easily in lots of health areas. Talk to your GP about it.

Please seek help as this is something that you can’t change and happens 2 years ago.

You owe it to yourself and family to move on and forget about it.

All our parents would have burnt in the sun numerous times and the majority are
Fine!

@MrsTerryPratchett I have spoken to the GP - just about the incident at the time and he said it will clear up. I haven’t about my anxiety. I suppose the problem is I can still see a red mark on her cheek.

What was MIL reaction out of interest?

A similar thing happened with my DS and my father. Father was unconcerned and refused to take steps to prevent the same thing happening in the future. He had cut DS arm on his watch and wouldn’t wear a different watch/take watch off despite the damage.

I struggled to trust others with Ds after. As a parent you apply precautionary principles for your child. It’s a shock when others you trust are lax with such things.

As DS grew the scar eventually faded but I haven’t forgotten.

@ShowMeHow the reaction wasn’t great. She didn’t apologise but said we should. Have put sun cream on her. Before six months you aren’t meant to use suncream because they aren’t meant to be in the sun. MIL has never looked after DD again.

I struggle with trust now too. But the main thing I struggle with is her future health.

I am glad that your DS is okay and the scar is gone. I really hope our red mark goes eventually.

So she passed on her responsibility as trusted carer squarely to you. Very unsupportive.

No one can predict future health of course and I think it’s normal to be quite anxious about
first accidents and injuries eg see the hundreds of posts about baby rolled off the bed etc. And people can fret about such things for a long time.

Try no to worry over the red mark it as it is not going to help you or Dd.

Mental note to be alert to MIL preference for cuddling over taking full responsible care so you can fill in gaps.

As I child I never wore sun cream.
You need to get help with your anxiety.

@DinosaurDiana do you mean you had a sunburn that blistered as a child may I ask?

@ShowMeHow yes the responsibility was placed back on to us as parents. Which I understand, she is my DD.

How long was your dd in the sun? Do you mean a full sunburn blister or a tiny pinprick of a blister that precedes peeling.

@RosesAndHellebores one tiny pin prick and one that was slightly bigger. I am not sure how long exactly but my MIL had dd for over an hour ish.

I totally get this, when I was pregnant with my youngest I had to have chest xrays and scans due to suspected bloodclots. I then read of a suspected link between babies exposed to radiation in the womb and childhood cancer and it is embedded in my brain. She is four now and I mostly don't fret but whenever she is even a tiny bit ill it comes back to the front of my mind and sends me off into a worry cycle.

I can't offer advice sorry but do have sympathy.

I say this gently OP - you need to speak to someone, your GP or HV would be a good start. This is consuming you - your time should be spent with your DD and not fretting over something that happened 2 years ago (and due to someone else's negligence)

The space this is taking up in your life, could be invested on spending time with your DD, not worrying about one event.

Please speak to someone, don't let this eat you up or years will have passed and you'll realise that they were the years to treasure

I have 5 DC so it isn’t exclusive to the first child. I do have health anxiety which I’m starting therapy for tomorrow actually so accept it’s mostly that. I worry about all sorts of illnesses from leukemia through to bone cancer, I’m always obsessed with looking out for symptoms. I am mentally ill though so it’s mostly that, I wouldn’t say it’s normal to let this fear and worry take over your life.

It rather sounds as though your concerns are disproportionate and you need help.

@RosesAndHellebores why are they disproportionate? Looking for reassurance.

As a child I had gold ball sized blisters all over my shoulders and back from sun burn, I was around 7 years old. I'm 32 now and there are no remaining marks and haven't been for as long as I can remember and no abnormal anything. I am a very pale and freckly person.

I have anxiety and can totally understand your concerns, however the amount you are allowing it to rule your mind and your life is not healthy. Please talk to your GP about the anxiety you are clearly struggling with. You can't wrap your child in cotton wool forever about something that may never ever happen.

You need to come to terms with the fact that you cannot change what happened. You are more aware in future but this level of concern is not normal and damaging. Please speak to someone about your anxiety.

Because a tiny pinprick peely dot is not a sunburn blister and is unlikely to result in detriment. It may just have been heat rash.