To constantly think my child will be ill

[Doodahtee]

A couple of years ago we were sat in the garden in the shade with my newborn. I had some chores to do in the house so my MIL said she would sit with my DD while i got a few things done. She moved into the sun to get warmth and DD got sunburnt on her face. It caused a small blister. The guilt I feel is horrendous but the vote is about my life post this event.

The past few years have been awful and I constantly read articles about the consequences of sunburn in childhood especially if it blisters. It has really consumed my life and I am constantly she scared she will get skin cancer. I hate being outside.

Yes YABU to let this consume your life and constantly worry that my Dd will get skin cancer
No YANBU I would be the same and worry about this a lot

My DH thinks I should be forgetting about this by now

@RosesAndHellebores oh I see what you mean - no it was definitely a blister, we sought medical advice on it. Thank you though x

I had sunburn that blistered quite badly all across my shoulders when I was 6 (big large blisters). I've made it to 34 so far with no issues. I'm very very fair. I use sunscreen most of the time (spf50 on my face every day) and always spend beach holidays under the shade but over the years I've still had the odd bit of sunburn.

I'd feel the same OP and it was completely irresponsible of your MIL.

I know you probably do but when looking for sun cream I always look for 5 stars. Most top brands have 3 stars. Also, apply 30 minutes before you go out and top up as needed.

Even when it's cloudy but still warm I still apply sun cream.

@BarryTheKestrel thank you for your response and the reassurance. I guess I worry that she was a newborn when it happened so potentially more damaging.

I am currently looking for a therapist but they are quite busy at the moment!

I suffer with anxiety/health anxiety. My DD (2.3) had a stroke at birth & every time she's ill now I'm an anxious wreck. Even if it's a cold. I just automatically think we'll be back in hospital. The horrible thoughts can just come from nowhere. I totally sympathise with you. I did go down the counselling & medication route which helped. I think the biggest thing to know is that you're not alone. Also the fact you worry so much shows you're a good Mum. But I know what it's like to obsess in your head over something. Can you speak with a doctor or paediatrician who can reassure you with regards to your little ones future to hopefully soothe the anxiety?

You need to speak to your GP again. This time about your anxiety.

Op, as I child I burned and blistered many times. Most notably the time my back was blistered so bad that when they burst in the night I woke up stuck to my nightwear. Or another time when my chest burned so badly the skin peeled of in sheets. Any many other occasions. I have no lasting damage and am now 50. Please stop worrying.

@CheshireCats thank you for your reassurance. I suppose as it was on her face it makes me feel worse as you don’t cover it with clothing.

As a child my mums friend took myself and sibling to the beach, we were both burnt so badly we ended up in hospital social services were called etc. Both my sibling and myself are late 30's and no adverse affects. Try not to worry too much as a fellow anxiety sufferer I get that's easier said than done. Just be sure to take precautions from now on I'm sure you DC will be OK

You sound very anxious and stressed. If you can speak to anyone I think it would help you a lot. For what it’s worth, I don’t think I wore sun cream my entire childhood. Every summer I was miserable with terrible sunburn. I don’t have any ill health because of it now, although I am militant with sun cream and hats now.

Also I think every parent has accidentally hurt their child/felt guilty for not preventing an injury at one point. I think you just have to accept that kids will fall over, get sick, occasionally hurt themselves. We just have to do our best to protect them and learn from our mistakes.

I think you are overreacting a little. Accidental sunburn happens, and your mother-in-law ought to have been more vigilant, but it's not a crime or a disaster.
You will have all sorts of illnesses and bumps and scratches to deal with as your daughter grows up, and you really need to be able to take them in your stride.
Not trusting your mother-in-law with your daughter is way over the top. She brought up your husband and he's still here to tell the tale.
In the kindest possible way, it might be a good idea to seek help for your anxiety.

I have pictures of me and my sister in about 1985 on a beach in the south of France with almost no skin on our backs that wasn’t peeled and red. I had a V backed cozzie and for years, until I was an adult, I had a perfect V of freckles there.

No sign of skin cancer on either of us.

@BelleClapper how old were you?

Four and five.

OP, I got burned very badly on holiday as a child. Lots of blistering, it was incredibly painful. I'm 48 now, and no signs of skin cancer as yet, though I do tend to be quite vigilant about any possible signs.

@AlexaShutUp thank you for the reassurance

Just an update - I have spoken to my HV and she is organising some CBT for me.

I got severely sunburnt as a child, more than once. I'm pushing 40 and (touch wood), still fine.

I think I'm not the only one who grew up in the 80s and had the same!

I am glad you are getting some CBT, you might benefit from some talking therapy too here. It feels like there is a lot more to unpack (I just had 18 months therapy and it's transformed my life).

Both my children have got a scar on their body from an accident that could have been prevented (separate incidents), and I have feelings of regret and anxiety about it like you. The more people I speak to, the more I realise how common these occurrences are - no parent I know hasn't got a traumatic tale of their child getting injured in some way. Don't beat yourself up about it, it's not your fault. While I think your MIL should have known better, do you think she would have put your daughter in that position if she had thought about it? She probably feels some guilt and regret too, even if she won't accept responsibility. This reason alone is a valid reason not to want her to look after your daughter, I wouldn't trust someone that couldn't accept they made mistakes as they won't learn from them.

Good luck with getting help and helping from this. This doesn't have any bearing on your capabilities as a mother, you did all the right things.

Healing* not helping