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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting autistic son to drink at school

43 replies

Vimtogenie · 22/06/2021 18:18

We send our DS6 to school with 2 drinks.
A carton for break. A refillable bottle for lunch. Fairly often he comes back with both drinks untouched. I’m 95% certain that he doesn’t finish the carton if he does open it, so a few sips then binned. The drinks we send are things he likes.

While he’s never drank loads, he now seems to be drinking nothing 3/4 days out 5. Even in the hot weather. He goes to breakfast club so between the hours of 7:30 & 3:30 he’s not drinking anything. He’s then telling us he’s hungry all evening. He’s not always able to differentiate hunger from thirst so we struggle to get a drink in him sometimes.

We’ve had a chat with him & he won’t have a drink as it makes him wee. We’re no further in working out why that upsets him so much at school. He happily takes himself to the toilet at home, but we do have some toilet challenges at home.

Any suggestions, ideas? Should school be doing anything?

OP posts:

Original poster

Vimtogenie · 22/06/2021 18:19

Sorry-tried to disable voting

OP posts:

User5827372728 · 22/06/2021 18:22

It sounds like he’s too scared to use the school loo so yes the school should be doing it.

Are the toilets mixed sex?

Can you ask if he can have access to the disabled loos- the ones in our schools needs a special key card to open, may make him feel more comfortable in one cubicle.

Can you ask his tutor to encourage him to have a drink during tutor time?

TragicRabbit · 22/06/2021 18:24

How about one of those drinks bottles with times down the side to remind him.
I’m autistic and I love a timetable.

Vallmo47 · 22/06/2021 18:28

My daughter isn’t autistic but I’ve always struggled with this in regards to her. She also cannot differentiate between hunger and thirst. Greedily following this thread for suggestions but yes I’d mention to teacher to be vigilant and make sure he has a few sips before break/after break and during lunch. Maybe suggest a reward chart for drinking which he can fill in himself? That way he can be in charge without too much involvement from teacher. I like the drink suggestion with a time table too unless he finds that stressful and anxiety causing.

ElfDragon · 22/06/2021 18:28

Are school aware it is an issue for your ds?

I would say yes, they should help support and encourage, but in all likelihood it may not come to much.

I sympathise. My eldest was a non-drinker, and it is a huge worry.

PicaK · 22/06/2021 18:30

Focus on getting him to drink when he comes home. Seems a waste of energy to focus on school when it's not really damaging.

Italiandreams · 22/06/2021 18:31

Speak to the school, I’m sure they will do something to encourage him if they know there is an issue, and work out a strategy for the toilet.

DonLewis · 22/06/2021 18:31

Can you get water rich food into him in those school hours? Lots of cucumber, watermelon, that kind of thing. Jelly is just water too.

I can sympathise because my ds hates going to the loo at school.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/06/2021 18:32

It is really tough. My DS will only take a sip he'd won't eat in school or use the bathroom.
I don't have any answers just sympathy.

YellowFish12 · 22/06/2021 18:33

Do you pick him up? Can you greet him with a big drink at 3.30 and get him to have that before you set off home?

Likewise give him a big drink before he goes to breakfast club?

pearpickingporky84 · 22/06/2021 18:33

I’ve had the same issue with 9 year old autistic DS, we spoke to his teacher who is great with him, the teacher puts lines on his bottle with a whiteboard pen and tells him he needs to drink down to the line by a certain time and it worked!

AttaGirrrrl · 22/06/2021 18:34

I have exactly the same problem with my autistic DS.

This year I’ve managed to establish that he doesn’t like using school toilets and got school to agree he can now go during lesson times rather than at breaks (no one else in there)

He also told me he’d be more likely to drink if it was ice cold and fizzy so school have made another reasonable adjustment and he’s allowed tonic water (his favourite, but looks like water!) in a chillies bottle.

He still doesn’t drink much, but it’s a start…

HTH.

DancesWithDaffodils · 22/06/2021 18:34

I rarely drank at school.

I can easily go a day without drinking - I felt a bit odd at work just before going home last week, and realised I hadn't drunk since breakfast.
Basically, I drink a pint with breakfast. A pint with dinner. And try to remember to drink with lunch, and something in the evening.

Can you work on bigger brinks when ge does drink - and try and get 3 in a day (breakfast, getting home from school and dinner). Then liquidy foods in with lunch - fruit and salad mainly.

SionnachRua · 22/06/2021 18:35

I wonder if one of those custom water bottle people could do up a personalised timetable for you? They could probably have times to drink going down the side of a bottle. Or just Sharpie on some marks yourself for a quick solution.

Original poster

Vimtogenie · 22/06/2021 18:37

School know. They’re just not keen to acknowledge his struggles.

We spoke to them again yesterday & again today he’s not had anything 🤦‍♀️

We’re waiting for a call back from a while ago so I’m not holding my breath.

Some good suggestions here. Thank you.

OP posts:

ElfDragon · 22/06/2021 18:37

Some thoughts from my (ongoing, but now so much better than it was) struggle to get dd1 drinking enough:

She dislikes e feeling of anything on her lips. When she was very young, this including dry things (even a straw!) too, and so she was trying to avoid anything touching her lips.

It was a huge problem finding her an acceptable drinking cup (before she could use a straw)

She didn’t (and doesn’t) drink water. I waited far too long before giving up on that one (at the age of 2, she stopped drinking any fluids voluntarily for 9 months. Yes, 9 months. It was an utter nightmare), but rapidly came to the conclusion that any fluids was better than no fluids (it took a long while after that to find a drink acceptable to her, as she had many food/taste issue too).

This is a very long road, potentially. Dd1 is 17 now, and just about drinks enough. It has been a very long process getting her to this point.

lardylegs123 · 22/06/2021 18:37

Does he have 1:1 support? I work 1:1 with a pupil with FASD. It is essential for her to eat and drink regularly, to build herself up. I take my own water bottle into class, in order to model good drinking habits, and we have little drinks together. She also uses a water bottle with timings on, and that helps too.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 22/06/2021 18:38

School toilets can be noisy places, ours are single sex but open with the sinks down the middle. The hand driers are on the go constantly during break and lunch as that's the only time most students can go

Ask for your DC to be issued with a toilet pass or a 5 minute release pass so that he can go when the toilets are empty and ask for him to be shown where the disabled / accessible toilets are which he might prefer to use. Make sure when you ask for the above you point out that he needs them due to his autism and that it is a reasonable adjustment. He might drink more if he can access quieter toilets. If he is in a class with TA support ask for the TA to remind him to drink between lessons.

Borderterrierpuppy · 22/06/2021 18:39

Boys toilets at school can really smell so it might be a sensory issue?

ElfDragon · 22/06/2021 18:40

Oh, and as other posters have said, get fluids in in other ways - soup in a thermos for lunch. Yoghurt. Jelly. Cucumber and watermelon. Grapes. Oranges. Cherry tomatoes.

AttaGirrrrl · 22/06/2021 18:40

Hand drier! Why hadn’t I thought of that? That’s almost certainly what’s putting my son off. Thanks @HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime

Cerealtoast2 · 22/06/2021 18:41

Ok so school should be using symbol support to tell son when to go to toliet. There should be set times he has to go and should be some supervision. They could put a social story in place for him too. Try ice lollies too as weather warms up. Symbol support to show he has to have 3 for example drinks at lunchtime before going out to play. Definitely ask for school support lots they can put in place.

Ducksurprise · 22/06/2021 18:48

@Borderterrierpuppy

Boys toilets at school can really smell so it might be a sensory issue?

My NT boy did everything he could to avoid the toilets, they smelt and were often unclean, he said if they were in a restaurant we would refuse to return. They also didn't have floor to ceiling walls and doors. We have low expectations of what we expect kids to put up with. We worked around it by making sure he had a good drink when he first woke up and then again as soon as he was home. Its not ideal but I understand the reluctance.

ErickBroch · 22/06/2021 18:52

We had the same with my youngest sibling, who is autistic too! The reality was he didn't want to use the toilets. We spoke with his teachers and keyworker and they did visits with him to the loos and showed him what they were like, and they encouraged him to drink at points throughout the day. It helped massively that he had support and encouragement from staff.

Phineyj · 22/06/2021 18:54

If he doesn't like water, Robinson's sugar free apple and pear is the beverage of choice of my autistic child. She loves the stuff! It looks just like water.

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