AIBU to think men and women can be platonic friends for life, especially if they’ve known each other since childhood?

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I was chatting to a friend last night - we both have a mutual male friend, I’m very good friends with him, she used to be but they had a fling and now they have a bit more distance between them.
Because of this she’s convinced men and women simply can’t be friends and remain just friends.

I have this male friend and my best friend is also male. And I can honestly say both relationships are completely platonic, and there has never been the slightest tension or anything between us.

However it got me thinking - I have known both of them since childhood and I wonder if that makes a difference? I don’t have any male friends that I met as an adult for example…

I’m happily married with a DS, so it’s not like there’s the potential for anything to ever happen either so I’m utterly confident we will always stay platonic friends.

AIBU to think you 100% can have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex?

I have a lot of male friends - the result of working in quite a male heavy industry. 90% of them I wouldn't touch with a bargepole and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. Some have partners, some not. It doesn't affect our friendship and I get upset at the thought people think we can't be friends without wanting to have sex with each other. We respect each others' talent for the industry, common industries and outlook on life. Great friends, but nothing more.

*common interests

XH didn't approve of me having a male friend but it was ok for his co-worker's wife to have a male friend because he was gay.

Yes.
My oldest friend I've known since I was about 20. We have a very close sibling like relationship but we don't see each other all that often now. I've never felt anything other than friendship and I have always felt that he felt the same.
Three of my other friends are male, two of them single and one in a relationship with my closest female friend. I've never felt anything for them either, but we are part of the same friendship circle, we don't tend to see each other independently.

OP, YANBU in my opinion. Every friendship group I’ve ever had has featured a mix of genders, from school, through uni/postgrad, and in my adult life. We’re friends and we care deeply about each other. We do not fancy each other.

To the people who think you can’t be friends with anyone of the gender to which you are attracted...what about bisexual people?! Do you think they have no true friends, just prey?

I think it’s sad that we’re still having these sorts of conversations in 2021. As a pp stated, this is possibly a generational thing - certain demographics/age groups cannot fathom a strong, enduring, platonic relationship of this kind because it’s so outside their experience. I’ve found that the people who don’t ‘believe’ in male/female friendships are often also very heteronormative and into traditional gender roles, so that might also have something to do with it.

It's possible but very rare.

@Velvian Yes, I have brothers and male cousins. DP only has brothers, though, and he has female friends.

The feeling observed thing is interesting. In a male gaze sort of way? A number of my closest friends are men, but I think you should only do what you’re comfortable with personally - friendships are supposed to be enjoyable, after all!

One of my best friends is a bloke that I used to play in sandpits with. I met him when I was five. To balance this, he’s also best friends with my male cousin. If there was ever a vibe between us (ew!) I imagine my cousin would have thrown a bucket of cold water on it. I have always been close to him, still get on very well with his ex wife (they are still close - it’s not weird.) and his recent ex partner. He rang me first to tell me that he and his ex had broken up and explained all. He and my DH are really close too, and when we were both talking to him about his breakup, we both offered him a place to stay should he need it. I’m lucky that there has never been any weird jealousy to get in the way.

*Just realised that I’m talking about 44 years of friendship! Wow! Feeling ancient now!!!

Of course they can.

Only a complete idiot thinks otherwise.

No way. If you have a best friend or really good friend ,then this is the person you feel so at ease with and who you love and who's company you want to be in. When you have someone like this in your life, everything about them becomes beautiful even if there was no physical attraction initially.

@douliket I love being in the company of my best friend and you’re right, he’s beautiful to me but in a friend way. In the same way my female best friend is beautiful to me too, and lifts me up and makes me laugh/happy when talking to her. But Not in the same way that I feel about my husband, which is a totally different kind of love

I have a lot of platonic friendships. Always have. Some are long standing others are newer, others have come and gone very much like friendships with the same sex do.

They can be yes. I also believe at some point both of them might consider a relationship based on the loving friendship.
I thought I'd a male friend for many years when I got with DP he got very weird and went off in another direction.

@LateAtTate

YANBU - but ‘friend’ is very vague. If you said ‘best friend’ I’d say YABU but only because I’d consider a best friend someone whom I could share lots of heavy personal feelings with, even ones about my DP. I’d never say anything bad about him to another man.

This is bizarre. Why couldn’t you share personal issues with a friend because they happened to have a penis?

OP, YANBU. I’ve got several platonic male friends, most who I met in adulthood. I’ve shared relationship issues with them and them with me, I even told one about a particularly bad case of thrush I had once. None have ever made a move on me and most of my female friends also have male friends of their own. I find it weirder when someone’s friends are all the same sex tbh.

@Velvian

For those of you with friends of the opposite sex, did you grow up with siblings of the opposite sex? I really struggle to relate to men as friends, I'm totally rubbish at it. DH is the same with women. I have sisters and he has brothers, so I wondered if that is it.

I have a male former work colleague that I get on really well with and another male friend of the family, both of which I enjoy spending time with and have shared interests. I just can't take the friendship plunge though, like I do with women I know.

I'm just too awkward around men, I feel observed all the time.

I didn’t, I’m an only child. I don’t feel like this around my male friends. I take them at face value on their personality. If I felt they were observing me in a creepy or sexual way then they wouldn’t be men I’d want a friendship with.

Most of my close friends are male. I only have one best girlfriend.

So YANBU.

Sorry, I should clarify, I don't feel observed by the male friends, I feel like my interactions with them are watched and judged by others.

If I don't monitor myself, I can become really 'silly' and awkward with men I've got a bit closer to. I struggle not to view them as potential sexual partners. I wish I didn't feel like that.

I was brought up with the underlying message that male attention was the absolute pinnacle of my existence, from really tiny.

I have had loads of platonic friendships with men in adulthood and definitely no attraction on either side.

However, that's probably because I'm not attractive in the slightest - so every cloud and all that.

Yes- I’ve got quite a few male friends and none of us fancy each other. Most are in other couples anyway.

Perfectly possible. I have close mates from childhood who are men. Not my best friends but no undercurrents of attraction. It's the friendships where there was an attraction that have not lasted, not the always-platonic ones.

Of course, and I can’t help feel it’s deeply tragic we’re even having this conversation in 2021. To the poster who asked about whether women with male friends had brothers — I do, but he’s so much younger I’d left home when he was a small child and we’ve lived mostly in different countries, plus I went to a single-sex convent school from 4 to 18, so male friends were an adult discovery.

I have three very close male friends — one is from university days, two are former colleagues from jobs I had in my 30s and 40s. One divorced, two married. I’m also happily to married (to a man with very longterm female friends).

@SheepGoBaaaa I agree. I always get the “is DH okay with you seeing X” which drives me mad as well. Both of my friends were in my life way before DH!

I've always made friends based on whether I liked the person, regardless of whether they are male or female. I've always had male friends and female friends. I find it surprising that so many people find this unacceptable or suspicious.

I have several male friends, all of whom i met through my hobby/sports club as a student/adult (the same club where i met my husband). I don't tend to share a lot of relationship details/issues with them though, partly because they all know my husband reasonably well. Some of them do fully open up to me though. One has had a particularly hard time with mental health issues, as well as being single while everyone else is getting married, and I think he found it easier to talk to me than to his male friends. Our friendship has always been completely platonic and I couldn't imagine it any other way.