How to act with relative (in law) I don't get on with

[BrilliantBetty]

I have a relative(in law) visiting at the weekend.

I don't actually know her very well but it's clear she doesn't like me. It's not my MIL, btw.

She isn't argumentative and there has been no drama, but there's a very obvious coldness. Looks to MiL, even my husband slightly raised eyebrows if I say something. Doesn't join in with conversation if i'm part of it. Won't make eye contact much and if she does it's more of a cold stare. It's very awkward. I have preciously tried to chat and ask how she is, but it's not met with much.

I don't know what i've done but also don't want to try and establish/ enter in to a conversation about it as I would rather not cause further issues especially in front of children, who will be there.

How should I act towards someone in my own home that treats me in such an unfriendly, dismissive way?

AIBU to just carry on and let it remain as it is.

I would reassess why you have someone this rude in your house!

I would be polite and welcoming.
Let all the failure in manners be hers.

Tell your DH that such rudeness isn't welcome snd he needs to address it and deal with it promptly
Very bitchy behaviour - I wouldn't tolerate

She wouldn't be visiting my house if that's how she behaved. That wouldn't just come from me, my DH would absolutely feel the same if someone was so rude to me

Is it DHs sister?

I wouldn't tolerate it. When the visit was suggested/arranged I'd have laughed and said, Oh no. No way is X going to come and blank me in my own home. Feel free to go and meet them elsewhere, however.

À mixture of the above.

Be polite in company otherwise ignore her presence.

Make it your DHs problem not yours. Tell him you will not be alone with his relative who is rude to you. And suggest he sorts this before she arrives as it will make an uncomfortable stay for everyone.

If she is being rude deliberately to hurt you, she want a reaction. If it's just her nature (she shy or not NT) then it's not her fault.

If it's the first, carry on as normal, don't give her the reaction she's looking for. If it's the later, carry on as normal, she not trying to hurt you.

I would not allow a person to visit my home if they blanked me. Stand up for yourself.

💐awful & relatable, channel Michelle Obama ‘ when they go low... go high’💐

I wouldn't be present to get ignored or treated badly. I'd leave it all to DH, he can deal with this relative.

Kill her with kindness, really over do it and let her make a holy show of herself

I’d be asking DH to step in tbh.

A quick word in the relatives ear that her rudeness hasn’t gone unnoticed by him, and he won’t expect his wife to accept someone blanking her or rolling her eyes at her in her own home.

Treat them like you would a sullen child, all business.

Why is she staying at your house?

Yeah I think I would have to go over the top to include her - it will be hard work but entertaining to watch her squirm. Either that or she will crack and actually treat you as a human being.

Once the visit is over you have the evidence for all to see that she is unpleasant to you in your house and can simply ban her from your home going forward.

She wouldn't be visiting my house if she can't even be polite.

Kill her to the absolute death with kindness. Literally make it seem like you don't give two jolly fucks. Channel MO like a boss. Wave her off with a jaunty fuck you.

First of all, This problem wouldn't exist because I wouldn't be such a doormat and allow anyone into my house who treated me so rudely.

If you are unable or unwilling to not have this person in your home, act as you always do and disregard them completely.

@thistimelastweek

I would be polite and welcoming. Let all the failure in manners be hers.

This!

I'd have to call this shit out. See a raised eyebrow? Feign confusion and with wide eyes ask "what? Did I say something wrong?" This shit behaviour will very likely stop if it's not easy to get away with.

There's no chance such a person would be welcome in my home. If your Dh insists on entertaining his pig ignorant relative at your home, then leave him to it. Take yourself off for the day, returning when the relative has left. Why would you put yourself through the discomfort of trying to be civil to someone who openly dislikes you?

She wouldn't be in my home tbh.

You have to be all smiles, welcoming, polite, generous in your treatment of her, then if she exhibits bad behaviour she will show herself up and no-one will be able to think that your behaviour in any way caused her attitude towards you.
My MIL disliked me intensly, but I was always so, so nice to her, she just ended up looking petty and childish.

Is she like this with anyone else, or any other inlaws? Maybe she only likes ‘blood relatives’.

I agree with the others, be extra nice and make a point of engaging with her. Maybe get dh on board - is he aware of her hostility?

DH’s friend’s wife blanks me when we meet so any invitation we make is now specifically just for his friend. She has never, and never will come to my house. The last time we were at a dinner in a restaurant, she turned around on her chair so she was physically sideways to the table with her back to me the whole time. (party of 6 so I had to either sit next to or opposite)

The waitress was whenever she came to the table!