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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New Forest pub bans under 12 year olds...

368 replies

Dresssos · 21/06/2021 11:34

m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10159581700162769&id=185263007768

It's all kicking off in the comments.

Do you agree with the pub's decision?

YABU No
YANBU Yes

OP posts:
SlightlyJaded · 21/06/2021 13:24

Yep - good on them.

The thing is, that it isn't about the kids really - it's the parents.

I occasionally took DC for a pub lunch when they were smaller - mostly in good weather so in the garden), and 90% of the time they were well behaved. The problem is how you deal with the 10% when they aren't. As a parent, it's my responsibility to discipline them and if they don't or won't be respectful to other diners and I can't effect their behaviour, then we have to leave. I think most people think this way.

It's the parents who insist their kids are well behaved so refuse to be embarrassed or proactive on the occasions when they are not. Or try and talk about 'high spirits' and 'kids just being kids'. Or the parents who are too busy saying "This is our Sunday Treat" so fuck the rest of you

MintyJulip · 21/06/2021 13:25

Incidentally there are plenty of pubs near the child free pub that welcome children so nobody has to miss out.

CovidCorvid · 21/06/2021 13:26

@MintyJulip

Incidentally there are plenty of pubs near the child free pub that welcome children so nobody has to miss out.
But not gluten free.
SchrodingersImmigrant · 21/06/2021 13:28

@PurpleReigns

It’s simple- they should have asked the family in question to leave. If it was a group of drunk adults making a scene surely that would be solution. Or would she ban drinking instead…?!
It's really difficult. The abuse staff gets for daring to suggest that the behaviour is unacceptable is on a different level. Drunks you kick out or distract with pork scratchings, parents who feel you just insulting their parentings are scarier than angry drunk ime. Louder, and will remember this the next day when they write 1* review
CovidCorvid · 21/06/2021 13:28

So the coeliac kids and/or families miss out. But I still agree it's up to the pub.

Hoghgyni · 21/06/2021 13:29

Their garden is tiny & it's never been the kind of place that would spring to mind as being child friendly. Although it's only a couple of miles from Peppa Pig World, you would have to go out of your way to find it. Their carpark is always full, so they're probably thriving off the publicity today.

newnortherner111 · 21/06/2021 13:32

@MissDollyMix I agree with you that this country is not very child friendly. Caused by some parents not making any effort to instill reasonable behaviour in their children, and not accepting that their child is in the wrong when they are.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 13:33

@HarebrightCedarmoon

How do they deal with rowdy drunken middle aged men, running around being noisy and making a nuisance of themselves? Chuck them out and bar individuals, or bar all middle aged men? "I'm sorry but you appear to be male and over 40." Can you imagine?
That doesn't tend to happen in country pubs selling meals at lunchtime. A city bar on a Saturday evening, maybe. But that's not what we're discussing here.
looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 13:34

As for the gluten-free issue, I am sure other pubs will spot the gap in the market.

5zeds · 21/06/2021 13:35

I think it’s awful, but I’d just go elsewhere.

Skral · 21/06/2021 13:35

I try to avoid pubs that have badly behaved customers but I have always found that drunk adults have always been more of a problem.

khakiandcoral · 21/06/2021 13:37

It's not a pub responsibility to open to everyone with special food requirement.

They should offer gluten-free to their customers, but that's it.

(on another note, I have no problem eating gluten myself, but I worry about the kind of food provided by places who don't. If they can't guarantee clean food and no contamination, the kitchen must be an absolute mess).

dreamingbohemian · 21/06/2021 13:38

[quote Elphame]@dreamingbohemian

Probably because the young minimum wage employees didn't want the likely mouthful of abuse they would get from such entitled parents.[/quote]
Fair enough but there should usually be a manager type on site, and that is absolutely part of a manager's job

I do think this is what it comes down to, staff do not want the aggro in confronting customers, but it's far better to go through 5-10 minutes of aggro getting them out than putting up with 1-2 hours of them making everyone miserable

looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 13:39

@kofiban

This country has such a weird attitude to children in public places and this thread proves it. So because some parents let their children misbehave then ALL children should be banned? Total overkill.
But if you start telling a parent that they need to discipline their child they'll either get abusive or say the child has additional needs and say you're being discriminatory.

As long as it's only one pub in the area, I don't see the issue. The problem is when they all do it (and I posted on another thread this morning about the issues of visiting a place where cafes have "no kids allowed" in their windows and the B&Bs not allowing children or being of the sort that have plastic sheets on the beds. Yes people want to be able to go to nice places with their kids, I did too. But I did make sure mine behaved. Other parents don't.

JasmineTeacup · 21/06/2021 13:39

@charlottebameseed

Hello, there.

Parents who bring their children into pubs quite frankly shouldn't have children. Introducing them to such a horrible environment with alcohol, drugs and adultery is absurd.

Amen.

Hilarious! Say something else, I need a laugh!

looptheloopinahulahoop · 21/06/2021 13:42

I do have to say though if you want to avoid unruly children you don't go out on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Apparently it is a "treat" to go out with everyone else's screaming kids on those days (and be ripped off for an average meal, the price of which has been inflated because it's MD or FD).

YouokHun · 21/06/2021 13:44

Absolutely fair enough. Pubs have had to struggle through the last year and need to calculate the cost to them of having to manage other disgruntled customers who cut their lunch short and end up spending less because their leisurely Sunday lunch is ruined and who don’t come back because of a negative experience. Then there’s the cost of a labour intensive table, clearing up, running around serving a table with lots of demands, placating other diners, having valuable covers taken up by children who eat a child’s meal for a small amount of money when an adult diner would represent a much better profit. It’s a business decision. Then there is safety; if the children are running round in an unsuitable space and fall who gets the blame?

Like a lot of us I’ve been the adult wanting a child-free meal, the parent with generally well-behaved children (but children all the same who can’t always be relied upon of course) and I’ve been bar staff and a waitress too. Observing some families I’ve always found it quite shocking how some parents seemed to think they have some kind of moral high ground as parents and others must accept behaviour, which means that they look on indulgently while their children behave badly. Or they ignore their children as the children become increasingly bored. But I feel for the parent who has a child that’s lost the plot and they’re embarrassed and well aware they’re spoiling others’ enjoyment, but those parents are the ones who cut things short and exit as soon as they can.

I understand the need and wish to go out as a family but one has to accept there are certain stages of childhood where it just doesn’t work and you’ve just got to go to child-friendly places for a a while where every family member will have a more relaxed time. That stage is over very quickly. It’s either hell for everyone else or a complete nightmare for the parent with the disruptive child who does care about other diners.

Completely understandable decision.

Thunderpunt · 21/06/2021 13:45

Good for them.

We came close to asking a family to leave our restaurant yesterday, the kids spent the first 5 minutes banging the cutlery on the table making a terrible racket and putting dents in our not cheap tables. Parents ignored it completely. Other diners in for a relaxing Fathers Day meal visibly disturbed by the noise. In the end I had to remove the cutlery from childs hand, asked parents not to allow it and got glared at. If it had continued I would not have hesitated to ask them to leave. They left a god awful mess, one of the kids started whining very loudly (and wouldn't sit in his seat) but we just got them their food very quickly and thankfully they were out sharpish.

Problem with ejecting families is they then review you on TripAdvsor which can have a hugely detrimental impact on the business.

Several years ago we had a similar situation with a family, kids up and down from the table, in and out of the toilets (leaving the taps running) at one point one of them was riding his micro scooter around the table, banging cutlery etc. while a group of our regulars tried to conduct a business lunch meeting. We asked family to leave after several warnings, we didn't make them pay for the drinks they had already had - and they did a terrible review on TA. We could have replied on there but chose not to.

If people can't make their children behave in restaurants and pubs they shouldn't go! (Or should stick to the chains who are happy to have them)

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 13:46

@TheGumption

Its up to them! I think they'll lose money from not having those family bookings but maybe it'll be made up for with adults wanting the child free environment.
I doubt they’ll lose any money at all. They’ll be overwhelmed with bookings from people who want a childfree lunch. Good call, landlord.
Crappyfridays7 · 21/06/2021 13:50

Their pub their choice imo.

If I’m out just myself And boyfriend then we choose places later in the evening or places kids are unlikely to go. I want child free time and that includes other peoples. I work with them too so nice to get some time without.

However when I take the kids out I have to be very selective about where we go, youngest has asd and struggles to sit for any length of time - sometimes he’s fine sometimes he’s not. We did Toby Carvery recently as it’s quick but sometimes I feel like I’m going to get indigestion as he’ll be finished and wanting to go and I’m still eating. He generally sits in his seat and we chat about history usually as he loves all things ww2 at the moment. However last week there was a very upset baby screaming it’s head off and that set him off which is a shame, not babies fault or his just happens sometimes. He does get up and try to wander. On the whole it’s not enjoyable for me as I’m on alert for him and trying to manage things. My other son and boyfriend want to enjoy dinner. It was a nice evening but I was glad to get home. I don’t allow them to run around and misbehave though, we would leave if that’s how it was going. And we couldn’t sit somewhere where other kids did that as that would set him off too.
I feel the older he gets the more the world closes in on us and less places are suitable or he just won’t go out if he’s had a bad experience previously.

vegas888 · 21/06/2021 13:50

Shame they don’t ban dogs too. I went for a meal last week only to have 90 minutes of almost continuous howling and barking from the dog two tables away. The family thought it was funny. 🙄

Wiredforsound · 21/06/2021 13:52

Brilliant idea. Take your crotch goblins to a Harvester or Pizza Hut - they at least supply crayons for the little monsters to eat.

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 13:53

@vegas888

Shame they don’t ban dogs too. I went for a meal last week only to have 90 minutes of almost continuous howling and barking from the dog two tables away. The family thought it was funny. 🙄
They’re idiots. Ours lies quietly under the table. She’d be left at home if she didn’t.
knittingaddict · 21/06/2021 13:53

I think pub owners can set their own rules, but I don't wish all pubs would do this. My grandchildren are both at infants school and well behaved when we go out to eat. Give then some felt tips and some paper and they are probably quieter than the adults around them.

Franklyfrost · 21/06/2021 13:56

It’s alarming some people dislike children so much they can’t bear to be in the same space as them. But it’s a good idea to have a designated pub for all the grumpies, that way they can complain about each other and save the rest of us from their tutting. I sometimes take my kids to the pub, they sit there and drink an orange juice, it’s terribly offensive.