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Original poster

Pissed off with cleaning up after DH

36 replies

Lostsheep123 · 21/06/2021 01:46

DH came in with mucky boots after going to bonfire with DD and tread dirt all over the house and in the bedrooms straight after I'd cleaned it.
So I spent a few hours today doing laundry and hoovering. Asked DH to carry the laundry and hoover upstairs when he went up with him. I asked 3 times... he didn't I ended up doing it (I'm 37 weeks pregnant with sciatica so lifting and carrying is a struggle). I got really annoyed at DH and gave him the silent treatment, I know bad way to deal with it.

I later then snapped at him for not putting his rubbish in the bin and expecting me to do it. I asked him to be more considerate and try to keep the house more clean, he refused. DH is pissed at me for cleaning and not leaving it till when he's not there because its his last day off before he goes to work and doesn't want to hear the washing machine or hoover.
Wants me to do everything while he's not there which is impossible with the amount of mess he makes and other responsibilities I have. So his response was to just leave it. It doesn't need doing (he'll quite happily live in a pig stye).

He then went on to say "If I'm not happy with dealing with the mess and leaving all of the cleaning till when he is not about I should go get a council house." He says all I do is nag and that I am a fun sponge. But the reason I nag is because he refuses to put things back and leaves stuff on the floor and immediately makes a mess of the things I've just cleaned.

DH believes that as he pays the bills and works so as I'm a SAHM it's my responsibility to do everything? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
fifteenmillionmerits · 21/06/2021 02:14

YANBU at all. He should be pulling his weight and helping clean up - especially as you're heavily pregnant as well. And what a CF he is to complain about the noise from hoovering/washing machine when you're making the effort to do the jobs in the first place! There's no way all chores can be put on one person all the time, unfair and lazy of him if he expects this of you.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/06/2021 02:20

You married a useless man child, you've always known he's a useless man child, but now you're fucking fed up, understandably so, and expecting him to change. He will never, ever change. What you see is what you get. He's a selfish, inconsiderate twat.

I'm not meaning to be harsh, but so many women marry men like this and think they will eventually grow up, especially after you have kids. This rarely ever happens.

Mymapuddlington · 21/06/2021 02:24

I wouldn’t be so worried about the mess but how disrespectful and nasty he is to you.

Geppili · 21/06/2021 02:49

Jesus he sounds absolutely horrible! Not wanting to hear the sound of cleaning!!! And you are pregnant! What are his good points?

burritofan · 21/06/2021 02:55

He’s a twat who has zero respect for you.

Taikoo · 21/06/2021 03:18

He'll not change just because you have children. You're stuck with him like this forever.

QueenBee52 · 21/06/2021 03:43

@Taikoo

He'll not change just because you have children. You're stuck with him like this forever.

Yip 🌸

Maskless · 21/06/2021 04:05

Your husband thinks it's 1850 and that you are his chattel.

LTB.

willowmelangell · 21/06/2021 04:50

If he wasn't there making a mess you wouldn't have to nag/mention/repeat requests.
Does he think he lives in a hotel with service staff behind-the-scenes discretely clearing up his mess?
If I am absolutely honest, I suspect he is doing it deliberately. PA keeping you in your place, letting you know his real opinion of you. You are there to praise him as The Big Man and show your gratitude by being servile.
He refuses a reasonable compromise between equals in a partnership. His solution is his way or the highway. He does not think you will dare pick the highway.
How do you feel about moving out?

RainingZen · 21/06/2021 05:09

Whaaaaat... why are men so frequently just awful on these MN threads? That's is such unreasonable behaviour I really have no words.

You're not a slave, ffs.

How about that council house then? I think I'd be sizing up the opportunity.

PiccalilliChilli · 21/06/2021 05:20

He doesn't respect you.

He wants you to be quiet*

I'd seriously think about your future with this man.

StoneofDestiny · 21/06/2021 05:24

You want to spend your life with this oaf because..................?

KangarooSally · 21/06/2021 05:25

Wow, I would be out of there so fast. Is this the life you want for the rest of your days?

CanofCant · 21/06/2021 07:37

@Aquamarine1029

You married a useless man child, you've always known he's a useless man child, but now you're fucking fed up, understandably so, and expecting him to change. He will never, ever change. What you see is what you get. He's a selfish, inconsiderate twat.

I'm not meaning to be harsh, but so many women marry men like this and think they will eventually grow up, especially after you have kids. This rarely ever happens.

Yeah, you're flogging a dead horse with this one. His comment about you getting a council house was ridiculous and shows how little he gives a shit about you or your feelings.

It's so fucking tiresome reading about all these selfish and useless men on here, I can't imagine how frustrating and miserable it must be to be married to them.

Take it easy OP, I would let housework standards slide a little, if he doesn't like it then tough shit. You're about to give birth.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/06/2021 08:21

Why are you with this prince among men? Life is way too short for this shit!

SallyCinnabon · 21/06/2021 08:27

DH came in with mucky boots after going to bonfire with DD and tread dirt all over the house and in the bedrooms straight after I'd cleaned it. So I spent a few hours today doing laundry and hoovering.

DH is pissed at me for cleaning and not leaving it till when he's not there because its his last day off before he goes to work and doesn't want to hear the washing machine or hoover.

Shock Angry If he doesn’t want to hear the hoover he shouldn’t tread crap all over the house omg I’m fuming for you. The entitled CF!!!

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2021 08:34

God that’s awful did you literally have no idea he was a mysogynistic piece of shit before you married him had his kids and gave up work?

I think you need to get back into employment and get out. You can’t live like this or model this behaviour to your children. Who will either grow up thinking it’s normal or pity you and show the same lack of respect your husband does.

Bluntness100 · 21/06/2021 08:35

His comment about you getting a council house was ridiculous and shows how little he gives a shit about you or your feelings

It was to remind her he pays the bills and she can’t afford to house herself

Velvian · 21/06/2021 09:03

@Aquamarine1029, I completely disagree with that attitude, we can't let fathers off the hook and blame mothers for it. We have to expect more.

All of us were different before we had children, I'm not staying in my PJs, eating crisps and watching back to back X Files on a Sunday anymore. DH 'knew what I was like' when we had children though

CanofCant · 21/06/2021 09:17

@Bluntness100

His comment about you getting a council house was ridiculous and shows how little he gives a shit about you or your feelings

It was to remind her he pays the bills and she can’t afford to house herself

Yes, that was my general point. You said it more elquolently. It's not a nice thing to say though is it? It's reminding her of her place and that currently she has to put up and shut up.

OP, I agree that you should look into employment and gain financial independence so that you can get out of this marriage.

maddening · 21/06/2021 09:21

Do you own the house or is it rented?

UhtredRagnarson · 21/06/2021 09:24

He will have been like this before you had your first child OP. Why did you accept it?

catfunk · 21/06/2021 09:39

Threatening to essentially kick you out and not financially support the family of you dare speak up is essentially financial abuse op.
I would start making plans for an escape fund. Absolutely no way would I put up with that.
Has he thought about how he'd pay his mortgage and maintenance for the child if you separate ?

Naunet · 21/06/2021 09:42

Jesus, why on earth are you with this pig? Presumably your life’s ambition was not to play skivvy to a disrespectful, entitled adult man?

diddl · 21/06/2021 09:58

Doing everything around the house doesn't mean picking up after an adult who won't do it himself.

How nasty is he?

You are so worthless to him that he literally expects you to pick up after him?

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