Is this flirting??

[SLJ161086]

Colleague at work recently got quite chatty with me over work stuff and then quickly moved to personal lives (we don't work closely but have some connection). He knows I'm going through a divorce and he has a gf. He has a v dry sense of humour and often jibes / makes jokey insults, like telling me I won't be single forever cos men can be desperate and have low standards (I'm a single mum - I know that sounds awful but he's actually a really nice person, it's a definite joke). He has a gf and does openy talk about her but I sense he's flirting with me. Like saying I'll definitely get married again and would I have any more kids etc. He also joked about me being in my mid 30s (he's two years younger) and that means I'll be all about the beige undies and until I prove otherwise he firmly believes that what I'm sporting. I think the undies chat crossed a line but do you think he is flirting with me or just general jokes? For info I don't respond to the undies chat other than laugh it off and say yeah I'm Bridget Jones what can I say haha...aarggh why do unavailable men do this! Unless I am reading too much into it and it's just all jokes?

I would say he sounds awkward rather than creepy.

In any case, if you are not interested, play dumb and direct the conversation onto other things.

Seems more like ‘negging’ under the guise of banter to me op.

Some men get like this when they hear a woman is going through a divorce. I don’t know if it’s too much porn or they think you will be vulnerable...but it’s like a claxon to a certain kind of creep who thinks ‘easy sex’.

I wouldn’t be flattered. At all.

He has a girlfriend. Stop reading into this, have some respect for her and back off

It may not be flirting in the sense he'll act on it whilst he's with his gf, but he's most definitely laying groundwork to keep you as a back up option in the future

Er, he sounds like a nasty sleaze who is lining you up for a bit off off the books fun. I don't think his "sense of humour" is funny at all: it sounds absolutely pathetic. Yes he is flirting but he's not about to leave his gf for you: he wants to get his leg over.

Sorry to be blunt but you need to raise your standards. A lot.

He has a girlfriend and he's a work colleague. I guess you're asking for advice to stop the inappropriate conversation about your underwear so you can focus on your career? How about you just say "I've got work to do" and walk away from the conversation.

It’s really not appropriate to joke with colleagues about their underwear - My company would have him written up as it could be construed as sexual harassment.
Some people just flirt because they find it fun and passes the time but aren’t really interested in the person they’re flirting with - just messing around. But it’s really not a good idea to do it like that in a working environment

So basically you fancy him and are trying to work out if he fancies you?

He's not flirting.

And degrading women isn't a joke in any form.

He has a small dick.

Believe me I'm not interested in unavailable men (or any men for that matter). If he was single though and made a move I probably would...

You've contradicted yourself there.

He sounds like a creep..he wants you to show him your underwear?? Stop being flattered and start being cautious..he has a partner, hes being totally inappropriate. Yuck!!

I agree that he's negging you with a view to seeing if you are in a vulnerable enough place because of your divorce to have sex with him. Avoid!

He sounds horrible and I personally wouldn’t be flattered at all.

This isn’t a dry sense of humour he’s just being a dick. If he wasn’t attractive to you would you still find him funny? Honestly I could not imagine someone telling me I could get a date because people will be ‘desperate’ and me taking that as flirting. And the underwear chat is just inappropriate and doesn’t sound funny at all. Outside of being inappropriate it isn’t funny because there’s nothing witty or humorous about it it’s just him saying ooh I bet you’ve got beige undies hahaha show me them. That isn’t funny?

I really dislike this kind of crass negative carrying on disguised as dry humour / wit / banter / teasing / flirting etc. Its inappropriate and childish and definately crossing so many lines its laughable - personal lines becaise he has a girlfriend, and professional lines because he's a colleague. He sounds like an absolute tosser. Why are you so intrigued by him? He's definately throwing out a lure to see what comes back and you're thinking about taking it. Stop. He's involved with someone else. And if he weren't, I still wouldnt touch him with a barge pole because he sounds like an absolute fuckwit.

Maybe it sounds different in person, but he doesn't come across well from your OP. He sounds like a bit of a dickhead to be honest.

"If you're not interested, why is it going around so much in your head at nearly midnight, that you'd start an internet thread asking for opinions?

You're clearly very much interested in this unavailable man."

This.

How about you both get some work done?

Sounds a creep, having read through the comments he made. Jokey but creepy flirty -yuck.

@SecretRedhead

Maybe it sounds different in person, but he doesn't come across well from your OP. He sounds like a bit of a dickhead to be honest.

That's what I was getting - not a catch and he already has a g/f - worst type of bloke to start dreaming about and thinking about late at night @SLJ161086

He's disgusting

I think it's hard to know. On paper he sounds like an absolute creep, but I know that in real life some men can say things and it comes across fine/funny/friendly, that other men could never get away with. Whether that's because they are nicer people or better at it, well...

Either way he's definitely flirting but that doesn't mean he wants anything from it, other than your attention, which he is undoubtedly enjoying.

Agree with others. Extremely creepy for him to make jokes about your underwear, sorry. You can do much better and you would regret lowering your standards to someone whose chief flirting strategy is negging other women while still in a relationship.

Definition of negging:

'Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval.'

He sounds like a charmer!

surely it doesn't have to be either end of the spectrum; somewhere in between creep and flirt is friendship..... maybe it's friendly colleague banter... if you don't like it, say so and see how he reacts.... the reaction is likely to be a better indication of creep/flirt...