SIL + BIL Covid excuses.

[Charmtaste]

BIL & SIL have not see our kids (their nephews) since December 2019. We invited them for a garden Birthday tea in July, in the back garden, for our twins 2nd birthday. They said no because of Covid. They said they were not leaving the house this summer.
There would only be 7 people there including the kids but they said it was too risky. They are both vaccinated and have no underlying health issues.

We accepted their response with good grace. Today we found out that they went to the opera this week and are going on holiday next week.

YABU: their excuses are valid.
YANBU: they just don’t want to see you or your family and are making silly excuses.

You should send a message along the lines of ‘oh, how brilliant you have decided to venture out after all! We’ll look forward to seeing you soon’

Unfortunately they've expressed how (dis)interested they are in seeing you and your family. They are making excuses. I'd leave them to it.

Maybe they just dont fancy seeing you as much if they go to opera. Up until that bit I thought they were reasonable if they just stay at home, but they clearly dont.
Sometimes life it like that, not all family members care about your kids, such is life, maybe you just are not that close. How were things preCovid?

@mnahmnah

You should send a message along the lines of ‘oh, how brilliant you have decided to venture out after all! We’ll look forward to seeing you soon’

This!!!

Playing Devil’s advocate, maybe they are assuming they couldn’t distance from your children in the way they could strangers. If the holiday is a self catering cottage just their household, that’s not really any extra risk over being at home.
How was the relationship before covid kicked off?

@LadyRenoir we weren’t the best of friends but they are my eldest’s godparents and we would have pleasant meet ups a few times a year. They don’t have kids and although they were excited about our eldest child they have lost all interest since we had the twins. They have met them twice.

Send a text 'let us know how the opera went - were thinking of going. And have a fab time on holidays next week. It's amazing how covid knows not to circulate at the opera and in (holiday destination)'

Is it possible that they are concerned about the fact that kids in schools, chiildcare aren't really social distancing.

It could be a case of they don't want to see you because of civid and its genuine. But that they see a holiday or opera as more covid safe.

@Notaroadrunner love it.

@Returnoftheowl we will probably do that. I think my DH is quite hurt.

It is your DH’s brother or sister? Can’t he talk to them about feeling hurt?

Maybe they are having trouble conceiving and don’t want to play happy families. Or maybe they are worried about schools and covid, and being so close for an extended period of time. I have very little interest in my SIL’s kids, I’m not super fussed about seeing them. Tbf I don’t have much interest in anyone else’s kids, unless they play nicely with mine and therefore facilitate some adult conversation.

@PurpleDaisies his brother.

It could be the school thing. Or it could be that Covid has made them realise they shouldn’t waste their time seeing people they are not interested in.

Can’t be say to his brother he’s disappointed not to be seeing him and is wondering whether everything is ok? If the brother/sil don’t have forms for being arseholes, this might be better dealt with by concern not anger.

Do you invite them to do anything non child related? A meal or drinks? You say they haven’t seen your kids, I assume that means they haven’t seen you?

You can’t force people to be interested in your kids tbh, maybe they’re going to the opera abc on holiday because they’re things adults enjoy and a toddlers birthday isn’t?

My guess is they are purposefully avoiding you. Do you get on with them normally? Are there any underlying issues between you? None of us knows the reason. Why don’t you ask them? If not Covid there will always be some other excuse. I avoid seeing my in-laws because although they are pleasant enough to me face to face I know they used to bitch about me. In the end I told them the reason why so now I don’t have to make excuses anymore.

Or it could be that Covid has made them realise they shouldn’t waste their time seeing people they are not interested in.

Is it really that likely they’ve just decided they can’t be arsed to see you any more?

@Thisusedtobeaniceneighbourhood SIL is past childbearing years. I had kids very late and she is 14 years older than me. She never wanted kids because of her high flying career,

Or it could be that Covid has made them realise they shouldn’t waste their time seeing people they are not interested in.

I think that's a big leap you have made.

@princessandthedragon SIL has made a few comments in the past about it being a shame that we had kids because it pleased FIL (she doesn’t like FIL). No back story apart from that.

What if anything does your DH want to do about future contact with his relatives?

it's not worth falling out over. Not worth you commenting on.

I would assume they want a more distant relationship in future. Sad but their right to reset the relations like so.

How old are they?

@Trevsadick she is late 50s. He is mid 40s.

@ragged doesn’t want to do anything. They are not the type of family to talk things through.