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Original poster

WWYD Nc family member wanting to see my DC

50 replies

bookworm2021 · 20/06/2021 19:37

I'm really not sure what to do for best and would appreciate MNs opinions to help me make up my mind.

My DC have a auntie whom we've been no contact with for two years out of her own choice because I wouldn't give her money.
This auntie when we was in contact made our life's hell on Earth, she regularly stopped her kids from seeing my DC with no reason, she stole money off my DC and never gave it back to them (we are talking £100s not pocket money.), when one of my DC was younger she smacked him for no reason and refused to believe he had disabilities.
She's dropped contact with my DC more than 4 times in the years they've been alive and just expects to pick off where she left off when she appears. Her going no contact last time really upset one of my DCs and impacted him for weeks as he didn't understand.
There is so much more to the story but I don't want to out myself.
She's appeared again and wants to see DC. I've said no as it's not fair if she does it again but everyone else around me is saying to give her a last chance when I know history will repeat itself like it has multiple times now. I refuse to see her myself and my DC aren't old enough to understand and make the decision themselves.

WWYD mumsnets? Help a mother out please. Grin

OP posts:
TastyMeatPuppet · 20/06/2021 19:40

As you've said, you know what will happen and your children can't make the judgement. You've made the right choice for them, I'd stick with it.

If she wants a chance she can prove she's changed before seeing your children, not use them to show she's changed.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/06/2021 19:41

Just say that based on previous experience, you'd prefer not to resume contact.
Or if contact is via social media, just block her.

Xmassprout · 20/06/2021 19:43

Would be a no from me.

She has previously hit your child and stolen from them Nd been in and out of their life. It doesn't sound as though your child would benefit from any contact, and at that would be the deciding factor for me

OrangeRug · 20/06/2021 19:43

No I would definitely not allow it. It would just be creating potential unnecessary stress for you and your children.

HavelockVetinari · 20/06/2021 19:44

Don't bloody well do it! She sounds like a toxic mess.

However, if you do end up agreeing, start small - Facetime, cards etc. If she's not willing to do that then tell her it's on your terms or not at all.

Did she repay what she stole?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 20/06/2021 19:49

I wouldn't give a flying monkey's left bollock about what she wants.

NC means she's out of your lives. don't let her manipulate you now

Malbecfan · 20/06/2021 19:50

Tell her to cough up what she stole and only then will you consider it

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 20/06/2021 19:50

I can’t think of any reason to let her see them

TurquoiseDragon · 20/06/2021 19:55

Don't entertain any of this. She's already had a last chance, and NC is NC. Protect your DC from her.

Kitkat151 · 20/06/2021 19:55

Definately no

Rumplestrumpet · 20/06/2021 19:59

Big fat NO

altiara · 20/06/2021 20:25

No

Waspsarearseholes · 20/06/2021 20:27

All the nopes. Tell her to leave you alone.

billy1966 · 20/06/2021 20:35

Of course NOT.

Do you honestly have to think about whether your children need a toxic, batshit thief of an aunt in their lives????

Really??

StoneofDestiny · 20/06/2021 20:38

No chance - your children do not need her in their lives, nor do you.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 20/06/2021 20:40

No way Hose.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/06/2021 20:40

I’m surprised you need to ask, it’s such an obvious no.

Bathsandnaps · 20/06/2021 20:40

Not a chance, even if she repaid the money, as per a previous posters suggestion.

Your family, your rules. Ignore everyone around you, you know what's best

queennotififi · 20/06/2021 20:41

No. You are responsible for protecting your children. This adult is not good for them.

Notaroadrunner · 20/06/2021 20:41

No. Do not listen to the idiots in your life who say you should. She sounds vile and she does not deserve to have contact with your children. You don't want her having any influence in their lives whatsoever. Block her if not done already. And if others are asking on her behalf block them too. She has no right to see you or your kids.

netstaller · 20/06/2021 20:42

It's not fair on your children to set them up to be hurt again, and by letting her back in your encouraging that behaviour. So no absolutely not to allowing her back in. You'd be stupid to let her back in as she will hurt them in some way.

Dacquoise · 20/06/2021 20:46

I would stay remain NC. I had an aunt who was like this as a child. I was very close to my cousin and periodically would be banned from seeing her because of dysfunctional family in-fighting. It was very hurtful. She was one of those people that would cut you off for any perceived slight. You are not doing your children any favours by tolerating your sister's crap. Let them hang out with normal people.

slashlover · 20/06/2021 20:49

If someone stole hundreds of pounds from you, assaulted you, didn't believe you had a disability and kept ghosting you, would you want to see them?

DrunkenKoala · 20/06/2021 20:53

No I wouldn’t want her anywhere near me or my children if I was in your position. Ignore the people telling you to give her another chance, it sounds as though she’s had enough chances.

NotTheCatsWhiskers · 20/06/2021 20:57

You don’t owe her anything. Why should you keep giving her chances?