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Original poster

Friend’s behaviour

53 replies

Zig27 · 20/06/2021 10:15

I only noticed recently that a woman who is in our friendship group that her WhatsApp status and last time seen are no longer visible. She does post in our WhatsApp group. I assume that means I’m not in her contacts.

I have always regarded her more as an acquaintance but have not made that obvious. This was due to the fact that as she was desperate for a man and soon as she met her now husband she dropped everyone and the group drifted apart. We used to go for weekends away and to the pub but when her husband came along that all ceased.

We now only all meet twice a year for a ‘catch up’. I have found the friendship group pretty pointless, catching up about someone’s life you are not part of. It’s not like we go for meals, walks or weekends away anymore like her pre-husband days.

If we do hear off her it’s only about photos of her children. I have nothing against the children and think they are sweet but she is just attention seeking and only focused on herself. I like to hear other people’s news but share my news too.

I just can’t understand what the annual/twice a year meetings are for, for people who are now aquaintances.

OP posts:
Mummyneedsacoffee · 20/06/2021 10:18

Or she just turned it off??

I have … I don’t like people seeing when I was last “online”

Original poster
Zig27 · 20/06/2021 10:23

@Mummyneedsacoffee It’s the status too so it’s clear she just regards us all as acquaintances and just catches up out of boredom. When the husband came along the monthly meetings stopped as we were lucky if it was an annual meeting with him on the scene. I think I’ve felt frustrated for a long time.

OP posts:
MrsFlinch · 20/06/2021 10:24

I have found the friendship group pretty pointless

Well knock it on the head then, doesn’t sound like you like her much anyway so would it be any great loss to you?

Dazedandconfused10 · 20/06/2021 10:31

I never have my status or last seen available. Doesn't mean I don't care about my friends.

Naughtyperson972 · 20/06/2021 10:34

Maybe she’s blocked you OP, you don’t sound very nice tbh

shouldistop · 20/06/2021 10:37

I have my last online time hidden.
If you don't see the point in the group then stop meeting them?

maddening · 20/06/2021 10:37

How many are in this group? Why does one person finding a partner mean the whole group has drifted? Was she the glue that kept the group together?

Sylvan92 · 20/06/2021 10:38

I’m struggling to see what she’s done wrong here. She’s moved on with her life. If you feel you have nothing in common, don’t bother with her. It’s really very simple.

LonginesPrime · 20/06/2021 10:41

Why do you care when she was last online if you don't really like her anyway?

Honestly, OP, I wouldn't bother wasting any more energy on trying to figure her out.

If you can't see the point of the catch ups, then opt out. You have no obligation to keep seeing people if it stops being fun and is annoying you.

TheGumption · 20/06/2021 10:42

Leave the group then?

VivaDixie · 20/06/2021 10:45

I don't even set a status. I also have friends who have switched off their last seen time.
You are way overthinking this

NeedNewKnees · 20/06/2021 10:46

What is it you object to? That she turned off her WhatsApp settings? I do that because it’s less hassle.

Or that she’s just not that into you? Some people are happy with casual friendships.

user1493494961 · 20/06/2021 10:51

You seem overly invested in this woman's life, perhaps she's realised.

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2021 10:57

@MrsFlinch

I have found the friendship group pretty pointless

Well knock it on the head then, doesn’t sound like you like her much anyway so would it be any great loss to you?

Exactly, and no loss to the other woman either by the sound of it.
EssentialHummus · 20/06/2021 10:58

I’m struggling to see what she’s done wrong here. She’s moved on with her life. If you feel you have nothing in common, don’t bother with her.

This.

Original poster
Zig27 · 20/06/2021 10:58

@NeedNewKnees I think it’s just I’m wasting my time on a casual friendship. I suppose she likes casual friendships.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 20/06/2021 11:02

[quote Zig27]@NeedNewKnees I think it’s just I’m wasting my time on a casual friendship. I suppose she likes casual friendships.[/quote]
Yes and it's completely normal to like casual relationships.

If they're not for you then don't bother.

Peach01 · 20/06/2021 11:03

I've changed phones and have my group chats running but must admit I haven't saved half the numbers to the new phone. They're there on the group chat if I need them.
Maybe something similars happened, nothings wrong but saving it just isn't a priority.

bloodyhell19 · 20/06/2021 11:03

I only noticed recently that a woman who is in our friendship group that her WhatsApp status and last time seen are no longer visible. She does post in our WhatsApp group. I assume that means I’m not in her contacts.

Bit of a leap to that assumption tbh, lots of people change their settings for a multitude of reasons and it's a bit self-absorbed to think it's because of you or to spite you.

I don't know why you have an issue with this when you sound like your one foot out of this friendship anyway. If I felt someone felt my time or friendship was pointless, then I probably wouldn't give you my time for more than once a year either.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 20/06/2021 11:04

YABU

Original poster
Zig27 · 20/06/2021 11:14

Some harsh responses on here. I just feel it’s not nice to be used and discarded just because a friend has met someone. She did this to a lot of people. Why waste time with people who only see you as a casual acquaintance when you could be investing in true friendships.

OP posts:
Peach01 · 20/06/2021 11:21

It sounds like you aren't close. I don't think it means anything even if you aren't in her contacts. It sounds like you've drifted apart but were never close anyway. I wouldn't think anything of it.

I find WhatsApp invasive sometimes and I took everything off it for a while. I randomly heard from people I barely spoke to let alone kept in touch with. Someone hinted I'd blocked them 😂

Original poster
Zig27 · 20/06/2021 11:24

@Peach01 Thank you, I know I shouldn’t take it personally and move on like she has.

OP posts:
shinynewapple21 · 20/06/2021 11:30

You speak of a 'friendship group' @Zig27 . How many other friends are in this group? Or is it just you and this one other person?

I think it's natural over time for friendships to change, and to not see people so often . I have quite a few friends I only meet up with a
Couple of times a year. I thought that was quite normal TBH. Most people have a lot of different things they juggle in their lives, work, partners, children, other family members and friends . I think consistently meeting up twice a year is pretty good going actually.

Do you have other friendships, a partner , children ?

Peach01 · 20/06/2021 11:31

I just feel it’s not nice to be used and discarded just because a friend has met someone.
Why do you feel used?

Why waste time with people who only see you as a casual acquaintance when you could be investing in true friendships
Maybe that's all she needs or she has other people who she has deeper connections with?

I have always regarded her more as an acquaintance but have not made that obvious
She probably hasn't known you felt that way. There will always people we could've got closer to but for whatever reason it doesn't work out that way.

She's married and has kids. She no doubt has her hands full and can't commit to weekends away and pub nights.

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