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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To prefer them not to go to this wedding?

43 replies

StealthToasts · 20/06/2021 10:11

DP and I are due to get married in the next few weeks. We had originally been booked in for last May but obviously couldn't go ahead and since then our venue went under, so we had to start from scratch a few months ago.

It's all finally coming together, but DP's parents have told us today they've been invited to a wedding on the Wednesday when our wedding's the next weekend. It's a friend of a friend. They're pretty excited (it's a nice venue near where they live) but DP and I are a bit concerned they run the risk of being contact traced and our wedding could be jeopardised - because they wouldn't be able to attend and also because it's on a piece of land connected to their house so not really appropriate if they're in the house isolating.

DP has told them we are concerned but they said it will be fine. Do we just have to put it out of our heads? I don't think there is anything we can do to go ahead if they do have to isolate. We don't have insurance (found it impossible to get any meaningful coverage since the pandemic) so would lose our deposits on everything and I don't think I could face rescheduling when everything is so uncertain still. We would probably just call it quits.

Thank you for your thoughts!

OP posts:

Lockheart · 20/06/2021 10:18

I understand why you're worried but you can't tell them what to do - it's up to them. If they're prepared to take that risk then that's the end of it. If they end up having to isolate it will be upsetting of course but I don't see why you would need to move the venue, unless there is a reason you'd need access to their house as well as the land adjacent?

MoveOnTheCards · 20/06/2021 10:18

You can’t really stop them going to this other wedding if they want to attend. Worst case, they are unable to attend yours, which is a consequence they would need to accept. I don’t see why you can’t still go ahead if they do end up having to isolate though (disappointing if they can’t be there I appreciate). It’s not in their house, is it?

PurpleSunrise · 20/06/2021 10:19

Yes do you need access to the house if they were isolating in it?

Newmumatlast · 20/06/2021 10:20

I also don't see why you would need to cancel if they're isolating unless you need to use their house. Its a risk they're taking knowing the outcome could be not being able to attend their child's wedding. Probably unlikely to be problematic now.

lilyofthewasteland · 20/06/2021 10:22

I also don't see why you couldn't still go ahead. Self-isolation doesn't come with an exclusion zone on surrounding land.

PinkCast · 20/06/2021 10:22

I think it's their decision to take the risk. You could mention how worried you are, but ultimately you can't tell them what to do.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 20/06/2021 10:24

If you don't need access to the house, and they are isolating can they can watch proceedings from the window or garden?

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 20/06/2021 10:25

I don’t think it’d be an issue having the wedding on land connected to their home unless you’re going to need to go into their home.
I do get where you’re coming from about the risk of having to isolate but unless they’re going to stay at home for the 2 weeks before then it’s a risk with anything they do

PurpleyBlue · 20/06/2021 10:27

You can't really stop them

Notaroadrunner · 20/06/2021 10:28

Put it out of your head. If they did happen to be contacted as close contacts so soon after the other wedding then that's their tough luck. They won't get to see their Ds get married. It doesn't prevent the wedding from going ahead and you and the rest of your guests having a fab time. Just be aware that it's a slight possibility they won't be there but in the same regard any of your guests could be isolating at that time so you need to be prepared for that and not be upset by it. Have an 'oh well' attitude if anyone pulls out as otherwise you'll end up spoiling your day by being annoyed at something you cannot control.

newnortherner111 · 20/06/2021 10:31

As long as they understand if they have to self-isolate they cannot come to your wedding, that's fine. Chances are remote though, even with the situation created by the Delta variant and Mr Johnson's decision re travel from India in April.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 20/06/2021 10:34

I can understand your concerns.

I think you need a frank conversation with your future in-laws. You need to explain why you are concerned and that you cannot postpone again so if they have to isolate they will miss attending in person and you don’t want that. If they attend the first wedding they are risking not being able to attend yours. It’s their choice to make but you need to make it clear what they are risking.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 20/06/2021 10:36

I can't imagine going to a friend of a friend's wedding and risking not going to my own son's wedding. However, that's not your problem, let them crack on

LateAtTate · 20/06/2021 10:37

YANBU although it’s ultimately their choice to potential sacrifice attending their son’s wedding just for a friend of a friend’s.
I wouldn’t be very pleased and would hold it over their heads but then again Immpetty 😂

Original poster

StealthToasts · 20/06/2021 10:38

Thanks all - really appreciate it. Agree that we definitely can't tell them what to do.

All guests will be outside but we were planning to access the house for power etc. We could probably work around that but as the house directly joins where people would be gathered something about it still feels a bit odd?! I know strictly speaking there's no exclusion zone as a PP said

If people feel comfortable with that perhaps it's ok, provided his parents let us go ahead.

OP posts:

LateAtTate · 20/06/2021 10:38

Also to add - you needing access to the house is a valid concern!
If you do have to cancel they’ll have to bear the financial brunt of everything . Make sure they know that

SimonedeBeauvoirscat · 20/06/2021 10:40

What if they got contact traced by going to a shop or a restaurant or something though? You can’t expect them to isolate themselves completely on the off chance, surely?

ApolloandDaphne · 20/06/2021 10:44

Anyone involved in your wedding plans could be contact traced at any time and put your wedding in jeopardy. You need to continue as if this will not happen. The chances are very small.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 20/06/2021 10:48

Tell them to use a burner phone whilst out.

PacifyLulu · 20/06/2021 10:50

@osbertthesyrianhamster

Tell them to use a burner phone whilst out.

Don’t be ridiculous. They would risk spreading it to the whole of OP’s wedding guests.

PacifyLulu · 20/06/2021 10:52

OP, if they did have to isolate do you think they’d be ok with the wedding going ahead despite them being in the house and not able to attend? If so then that’s their risk. If not, well that’s a different conversation but I think that’s the crux of it for me.

Original poster

StealthToasts · 20/06/2021 10:56

Thanks, all. Completely accept that people might have to isolate anyway and will not be locking themselves up for two weeks before! I'm under no illusions that our wedding means so much to anyone but us But it feels a bit different to me to go to a big event (80 or more people) versus go to the shops.

OP posts:

tinglymint · 20/06/2021 10:56

They could also get contact traced after going on a lunch date. Unfortunately they can't be expected to not go about their business just in case. The risk is theirs. If they're unable to attend your wedding it's on them.

Original poster

StealthToasts · 20/06/2021 10:57

@PacifyLulu I'm not convinced they would be ok with us going ahead, no. Perhaps that is something for DP to ask them but I fear at this point it wouldn't go down that well and we might not get a sensible answer!

OP posts:

MiddleParking · 20/06/2021 10:58

@LateAtTate

Also to add - you needing access to the house is a valid concern! If you do have to cancel they’ll have to bear the financial brunt of everything . Make sure they know that

good luck with that one!

You can’t ask them not to go. I think it’s an overstep to have expressed any ‘concerns’ at all about it. They’re clearly being very generous to you. If they were isolating (mine wouldn’t be, regardless of track and trace) you’d have to work around them.

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