AIBU to wonder what you do with your children in school holidays whilst you’re at work?

[foxesandtoadstools]

My children are 7 and 10 and I was a stay at home parent for their first years and have now been working towards an Accounting degree and will be starting my final year in September. Which brings me to my question… this time next year I will be working full time and I have absolutely no idea what people do with their children in the school holidays! My partner works very long hours so can’t provide any support with this. My mum is local but I can hardly ask her to have them for a five week summer holiday (and the other eight or nine weeks off a year). So what should I be looking at in preparation? Summer camps? Do they even exist in half terms? We live on the Isle of Wight too to make things even more tricky as we don’t tend to have a lot of organisations for this sort of thing. I guess my other option would be a childminder, but I don’t know what age they even go up to? And how long do I need to be doing this before they can be at home while I’m at work? 13ish maybe?

I promise I am usually a pretty competent parent but I feel like I’m entering a completely foreign world where everyone else knows how it works but I’m in the dark!

We run a holiday club 7-6.30 for children up to age 11 and a lot of children we do breakfast/after school club come to us through the summer along with a mix of parents taking them on holiday or visiting relatives for a week or two.

Personally, I used to work term time which, as a single parent, was the most practical option when they were smaller with overtime days when family could have them. Now the youngest are both secondary age so they stay home alone, home with adult siblings, or visit family/friends while I’m at work. Not ideal as feel bad we can’t do fun things but it works.

@mutleyschuckle

Look into scallywags- I think they are based in lake now but she covers all the holidays. (I used to work in the Newport one) they are on Facebook. luckily my parents are local, retired & willing so I don't need to use it now but before I was using the school holiday clubs, taking lieu time back or swapping children with friends to cover each other's working days.

Thank you! I’ll look at that now. I’ve found quite a few local things (UKSA etc) but they are so expensive I think the most we could manage would be a week for both children. Hopefully my mum will help and then childminder / getting someone to have them at ours as others have suggested might work 🤞🏻

It is difficult, over the years we did a mixture of

Dh and I took annual leave at different times
After school ran a summer club
Local leisure centre ran a summer club
Reciprocal arrangements with a couple of friends mums
18 year old niece helped out
When they were older and didn't need minded, but never someone around, I worked from home some days

Previously I worked longer hours in term time to cover 2 days a week off during holidays - official contract meant I was officially part time.
Now I work full time and a single parent. Their dad has decided he can't have them other than his normal days so it's down to me!
Working from home this year is helping! I've taken leave, working 7-2 most days and will work long days on the 6 days they aren't with me.
It's going to be a long summer!

I agree, there is no one soluntuon. Most people use a range of options.

So read out your annual leave and your partber's - at one point we only had one week off together which gave us nine weeks in total covered.

We both worked four days at that stage so that was three days a week to cover.

Grandparents for a week in the summer.

Holiday club for a week.

Council-run sports activity club for a week.

Swap favour with friend with similar age children for a few odd days.

A lot of summer clubs run 9-3 (apart from really expensive ones) but if DC are at school you will have something in place anyway. We used to do early/late hours between us but a childminder may do pick ups from summer clubs (or grandma).

It's very difficult but luckily doesn't last long and in fact you OP will only have 2-3 years of it,

I think secondary age is fine for a day at home but the child has to be ok too. Nice to arrange things for them like swimming with friends or cinema trip.

Once you take account of all the inset days etc it's more like 15 weeks of annual leave a year. You can both take some unpaid parental leave at different times of year. Working part time also helps, for example if there's an inset day on a Monday I can switch my working day to a Friday to avoid taking leave.

@Flowerlane

Single parent here. Usually I take as much holiday as possible during the summer and my mum helps out where she can also kids summer camps.

This year my mum isn’t able to commit to any days so I’m using holiday I have left and summer camps. It’s costing a fortune for these camps prices seem to be extra high this year

These kind of threads always bring out the worst in people with the ‘where is their dad in this he should be doing it, so what if he don’t see them it’s his problem’ or the best one ‘you will have to take unpaid leave from work then’ yeah like everyone can afford to do that especially single mothers. 🙄 honestly like some mumsnetters live in their own bubble and don’t think of others in different situations.

Hope you get it sorted op.

Thank you. It is tricky and I can’t afford to wait until the September to start working either so it will be an immediate problem. It’s the main reason it took me so long to go back to uni and I’ve somehow made that work (undeniably easier with COVID making us home based for a year) and it seems you make one hurdle and instantly find another

The prices have been a big shock! Thankfully it should only be for four years or so until the youngest is in high school and then I guess we just have to trust they won’t turn the house into a drug den / party villa whilst we’re at work! (Joke, just in case anyone thinks I’m serious)

I used to get very uptight about this, and plan the leave for the whole year in advance. We live in an area with limited holiday clubs, with a child who hates them anyway, and no local family.

However, then we had a summer with no childcare/school at all available between end of March and August, and we survived, and now I'm much more relaxed about the whole thing.

We have had an extra week added to the holidays this year, but I've build up a week of TOIL to cover it. I've got 6 days in holiday club booked across 3 weeks, grandparents up for 2 days one week, a family holiday for a week, and DH or I taking a day or two off most weeks. It leaves odd days where we will WFH, or he will visit friends.

WFH with him playing the switch all day seemed impossible before, but we did it for months, and it was fine. I think it's OK for one day per week.

I negotiated flexible working so I work 4 days a week in term time and 3 days a week in the school holidays. So my DD has 2x 3 day weeks at holiday club at the start of the holidays and then the rest a mish mash of leave and family. I think the play scheme at the leisure centre is much cheaper than the holiday club run in the school ( not run BY the school though) but is a drive away versus a 2 minute walk for us. She’s been to the holiday club the last 4 years and is comfortable going although she moans about getting up.

Half terms either whole week with grandparents, or DH took leave or I took leave.
3 half terms a year, so one each.

Christmas we usually managed to take the time off between us, along with bank holidays.

Easter again DH and I covered between us and still got family time together with bank holidays. Maybe odd day of holiday club here and there.

Summer, one week family holiday
One week staying with grandparents
One week DH took them away somewhere - usually to see their cousins.
One week staying with other cousins and my DB and SIL.
In return I would take time off and have nieces at our house for the following week.
One week holiday clubs. DH would drop off, and work from home/go in and stay late. I'd finish early to pick up.
A lot of travelling round for Dc, but they enjoyed it, and were home at weekends anyway.

I'm sorry I presumed your partner was their dad and that he, their dad, was on the scene. That was really insensitive of me.

DP and I were playing, "when I'm dictator of England" the other week, and I was saying universal, affordable childcare provision would be one of my priorities.

But I'm not dictator, so that's not very helpful

DH and I split our annual leave to cover holidays. We are fortunate to have generous holiday allowances and have up to this year have both worked PT. So, in a normal school year we might have a couple of family holidays in the May and October half terms, then DH will take the DC to see his Mum for a week either in Feb half term or at Easter and I'll take the DC to see my family for 2 weeks during the summer holidays. MIL usually comes for a couple of weeks in the summer and looks after the DC (all at school so really just need someone in the house but she does a bit of baking, bit of handicrafts or painting with them, it's a very relaxed time for them chilling at home and not too much work for MIL, we'll have days out at the weekend and DH might take some days off during the week as well). The DC do a sports camp for 2 weeks in the summer and a week at Easter, they've been going since they started school so know all the staff and there's a pool at the school so they swim every day which they love. Christmas is at home and I take the 2 week holidays, there's usually no organised childcare over Christmas available.

Well, for starters, your partner could not work very long hours for a few weeks of the year. Or work from home. The kids are old enough to not need constant supervision.
You might find you can wfh too.

We pooled resources with friends and took it in turns to have all the children (actually makes it easier as they have people to play with), we took our family hols during the school hols, or staggered our holidays, we sent kids to grandparents, or GPs came to us, and some years we hired an au pair.
I don't think we ever used holiday clubs but that's another option.

@Bagamoyo1 all parents are allowed unpaid parental leave.

When I was growing up we had au pairs. They were usually university students from France, looking to earn a bit of cash over the summer and improve their English. For a few years we had the same au pair return for three consecutive summers. Some of my school friends also had au pairs, and we socialised and had days out all together. It was great actually.

Alternatively, at least where I live, holiday camps fill the gaps between parent's annual leave and grandparents visiting for a week or so.

[quote Fitforforty]@Bagamoyo1 all parents are allowed unpaid parental leave.[/quote]
After you’ve been there a year, I think.

In my job that would be a pretty shitty thing to do though, and affect other people and our basic functioning.
I’m going to speak to my manager about how much time off she thinks is reasonable though.

These are the things that DH and I do:

Alternate annual leave to cover school holidays

Holiday clubs

Work opposite hours

Remember that childcare is not just your responsibility so get your DH involved in planning it to.

I used to do a lot of informal babysitting when I was a teenager, including during the holidays? Is that an option? As you are at Uni do you know any students who would be suitable for that sort of work, especially as your DC aren't babies?

When you're researching - ask them if they take childcare vouchers. Some do and that makes a difference to cost and helps you spread it out over the year.

I know you’ve said you can’t afford to, but I’d take every action I could now to push starting a new job back towards September next year. It’s SO much easier to negotiate summer holiday WFH/leave requests once you’ve been in post a while and proved yourself.

Once the dc hit 12 a lot depends on their level of maturity, whether they are neuro-diverse and how long it takes a parent to whizz home in the event of an emergency. Neighbourhood is also a consideration. We were in a safe part of London with a fabulous local community where the dc could have banged on at least 10 doors for help.

Everyone complains about childcare and school holidays but sadly they are a fact of life and the cost of covering them has to be factored into the household budget.

One's domestic responsibilities are entirely separate from an employer's contract of employment which if full-time usually renders an obligation to provide 35 to 40 hours of your dedicated time.

How families manage children and two full-time working parents is entirely up to them to organise. Compromises have to be made - work locally for less money, drop hours, take unpaid leave, etc. And then decisions about the type of care that is both most suitable and affordable.

Families chose to have children and they make decisions about work. Children come with non negotiable costs attached and those costs and standard of living are entirely the responsibility of the parents.

Annul leave
Grandparents
Summer clubs which were like gold dust as they where cheap
Childminder

no father as he refused to even take the kids unless it inconvenienced me. Once the kids got to an age to speak up they didn’t want to go with him