To ask for help with financial pickle

[ShoebillStork]

In 2009 FIL had a win on the Premium Bonds. He gave us £10,000 to invest for DS (at low risk) and the money to be given to DS when he's 18.

I put the money towards a loft conversion. DS is 18 soon and I'm due to remortgage for a better rate. How much do I need to release for him so he gets the £10k plus what it might have gained in interest since 2009.

And should I encourage DS to get a Help to Buy ISA with it?

.I'm going to be supporting him through uni

It reads like you are doing him a favour making sure he has a bedroom and can go to uni but those are just standard parenting basics - shelter and education.

Isn't it a Mumsnet rule of thumb that once a gift has been given the donor has no control over what happens to it?
Yeah but in this case the recipient has had no control of it.

You've done nothing wrong, OP. You've invested low risk as requested, DS has benefitted from it the entire time so the £14k sounds very sensible- especially as your supporting him in further education.

Some posters would have you evicted to pay your son £thousands. Bonkers!

@sst1234

OP has decided that she is no way giving him more than a certain amount. So that’s that. OP had no intention of doing what’s best for the son, but more for herself.

On what planet exactly is giving her DS:

His 10K plus some sort of interest
Supporting him through Uni
Leaving him the entire property

'no intention of doing what's best for the son'...

Sorry I used 15k for calc. 2%, 12 years, 10k would be 13k

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

What? A bedroom yes, that goes without saying.

I don't think supporting your child through uni should be the default expectation though. I certainly won't be with mine. I don't feel guilty about it. It has never occurred to me that I should. I'd expect them to get their full loan amount and a part-time job if they want to top it up. I'd probably give them the odd bits if they ended up in a pickle but paying rent etc? No way in hell.

Also there is nothing to stop a child going to uni just because the parents can't afford to pay for it. That's what a student loan is for.

Of course Meadowbreeze is your favorite MNer because you only want to hear those congratulating you on your savvy investment when in reality you should've obtained a loan from a bank. You're afraid

Sorry-you're afraid of your FIL finding out so you know you didn't do it on the up and up!

using the bank of England historical calculator up to 2020
£13,717.67
Inflation averaged 2.9% a year.
Add extra for 2021 at a low rate.
The data for 2021 isn't available until Jan 2022 so making it up to £14000 might be worth considering.

Another aspect that I don't think anybody has addressed is that OP's DSS has also benefitted from not having to share a bedroom.

Considering that his grandad has shamelessly punished him for being born and disinherited/abandoned him for utterly disgraceful reasons over which he had absolutely no control whatsoever, I think it's a small consolation for him that he more than deserves, bearing in mind that his brother got a room of his own as well and will now get an extra £10K plus interest.

I’m quite shocked that you took the money given in good faith and spent it.
And I’m even more shocked that you are quite proud of the fact you did it.
And my final 😱 is that even when posters have advised you what it might be worth ( had you invested as you were asked to ) that you are wanting to keep what you handover to DS at the very lowest level you can get away with —because you are paying for university—

I’m thinking that 12 years down the line you are realising how wrong this was.

Why does he not deserve it?

Because I've paid the fucking mortgage whilst he's sat on his arse playing X box in his very cool loft conversion with his own bathroom! DS didn't "invest" anything - he was 6/7 years old!

And the £10k didn't cover the whole cost of the conversion - like I said, it went towards it.

And I won't benefit from the increase in value until I sell it - which I'm not planning on doing!

It reads like you are doing him a favour making sure he has a bedroom and can go to uni but those are just standard parenting basics - shelter and education.

Shelter and education are the basics, a 'cool' bedroom and a university education are choices that only parents who can afford it are able to provide - not 'parenting basics'.

I'm with OP, it was a practical solution and a win-win. Great choices.

You’re the parent. You’re supposed to pay the fucking mortgage. Not nick £10k off a six year old.

Yes, but OP, you'd be paying the mortgage anyway. You don't get paid by your son for raising him.

@ShoebillStork you've paid "the fucking mortgage while..." because he was a CHILD. My parents were given £10k each for my DSis and I my grandparents when we were 5 and guess what? They didn't touch it. They didn't have to use it bedside being Scottish, we don't pay stupid uni fees, but they put it in high yield accounts for us until we moved out; and subsequently gave us deposits for our first houses each. Feel really sad for your child tbh

@burritofan

Isn't it a Mumsnet rule of thumb that once a gift has been given the donor has no control over what happens to it? Yeah but in this case the recipient has had no control of it.

Well the money was given to the OP to look after and nurture for the son and she's done a good job. I have a savings account that's been earning 0.5% for the past few years. Wish I'd given it to the OP to look after for me!

Sorry-you're afraid of your FIL finding out so you know you didn't do it on the up and up!

FIL has already shown himself to be a nasty man with spiteful, manipulative tendencies. It sounds like he only gave the money to buy his grandson's gratitude - who knows what long-term strings he might try to attach to that?

Also, I really hope it isn't his main intention, but if he's decided that his other grandson is to be punished for his father's indiscretions before he himself was born, he wouldn't be the first person to give a valuable gift to one relative for the sole purpose of upsetting another relative with the same family link, when they get nothing.

Even if that isn't his intention, when it's announced/handed over, that £10K+ is going to bring just as much pain to one grandson as it will joy to the other.

Because I've paid the fucking mortgage whilst he's sat on his arse playing X box

Is this not similar for most parents with a child at home?

Which is to say, there might be a question about whether you used the money the way his grandfather intended. That's up for debate.

I'm not even particularly saying that you shouldn't have used it for a loft conversion. It's a kind of investment.

But what I am saying is that doesn't make a difference in what you owe your son. You don't get to keep some of his investment interest because he's had a nice life. Again, it's not your money.

@ShoebillStork *by grandparents, they didn't have to use it for uni fees because being Scottish we didn't pay uni fees

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll If her FIL is so despicable why accept the money at all?

If it was me, I would be honest and tell him what you did, then open an ISA for him, put £15,000 in it, and make it so he can't touch the money until he is 21. Maybe even 25

Well, that would be dishonest of you because FIL specifically stated the money was to go to DS when he's 18 so don't you call me shady!

Oh and since naming meadowbreeze my favourite MNetter I've read lots of other lovely (and funny) responses so you're my favourites too

@ShoebillStork So, you invested the £10k into your property, which will have increased it’s value by significantly more than that (swish bedroom/ensuite), but it’s locked in now so you would simply prefer to give DS the 10k (only because you’re obliged to) plus a small amount of interest, that suits your own ideas of good enough? Get it now ;)

What does FIL think of this?