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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help with financial pickle

880 replies

ShoebillStork · 19/06/2021 18:11

In 2009 FIL had a win on the Premium Bonds. He gave us £10,000 to invest for DS (at low risk) and the money to be given to DS when he's 18.

I put the money towards a loft conversion. DS is 18 soon and I'm due to remortgage for a better rate. How much do I need to release for him so he gets the £10k plus what it might have gained in interest since 2009.

And should I encourage DS to get a Help to Buy ISA with it?

OP posts:
Twoforthree · 19/06/2021 20:23

Op, what you did was sensible. We did exactly the same.

Can’t believe people are being so anti it. As your fil wanted, it was a sound, low risk investment that you could release at any time if need be.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/06/2021 20:26

So far we have had fraud and stealing and outrage.

May I now suggest bigamy.

It's even worse than that - OP has tried to pass off the new man as if he's still the old one, so she simply MUST have done something nefarious (likely sub-patio-related) with the body of the old one. Plus she was most probably also the silent mastermind behind the Hatton Garden heist (people like her usually are). What has she done with all of those priceless jewels, eh, whilst letting some innocent old men take all the blame????

Twoforthree · 19/06/2021 20:27

It’s a pity he’s getting control of it at 18. I hope he’s on board with the Lisa. That’s what we’ve done for our kids.

Ettie · 19/06/2021 20:27

My daughter had €1000 invested for her when she was born by her grandad. Sadly in bank shares which were worth less than €50 last time we checked. Your son might have been in the same position depending on where the money has been invested for him. My Dd would have been delighted if I had used the €1000 and given it to her at 18!

CandyLeBonBon · 19/06/2021 20:27

@Twoforthree

It’s a pity he’s getting control of it at 18. I hope he’s on board with the Lisa. That’s what we’ve done for our kids.
Who's Lisa? And does she get a share too? Grin
arithanaggerton · 19/06/2021 20:29

Your FIL is a twat, excluding his SS like that.

If I was your husband, I'd have split the £10k and given my DC £5k each, and would have no qualms about telling my DF to get stuffed.

arithanaggerton · 19/06/2021 20:30

*Excluding your stepson. His grandson. Disgusting.

MurielSpriggs · 19/06/2021 20:33

So far we have had fraud and stealing and outrage.

May I now suggest bigamy.

Worse still, I can guarantee that this is the sort of woman who washes her underwear in with her towels.

Original poster
ShoebillStork · 19/06/2021 20:33

Do you mean your DS will inherit the house? Not your DP or a split between DS and DSS?

My house goes to my DS.
DP's house split between DSS and DS.

Not married to DP so FIL not actually my FIL but I was just asking someone to do the math, was not expecting an interrogation or my morals to be called into question Grin

OP posts:
Watchingyou2sleezes · 19/06/2021 20:33

OP what you did and what you're proposing to do now is all perfectly reasonable. I'd be wary of giving an 18 year old unfetted access to a lump sum that would be "mega money" to him. Most are far too stupid at that age to use it wisely..

deathbypostitnote · 19/06/2021 20:35

I can't get over your complete lack of accountability. That wasn't your money to spend. Did you check with the relative that they were happy with this creative interpretation of low risk investment?

I would never lend you a penny or ask you to look after any cash again.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/06/2021 20:35

him having to share a bedroom,

3 beds 2 kids no sharing needed

arithanaggerton · 19/06/2021 20:35

Honestly, knowing that FIL had been so cruel as to give one grandchild £10k and the other absolutely jackshit would make me respect his wishes regarding the money much less, even as the step-parent. I just wouldn't be able to take his terms seriously. If I was the parent of both, I'd be splitting the money and making sure my father knew it.

Good on you OP, yes it was DS's money but you've clearly always had the intention of paying it back.

PizzaCrust · 19/06/2021 20:36

I don’t think what you’ve done is bad, but I do think you should have asked.

My mum borrowed money from my savings account to put towards a new car, but she asked me. And paid interest and had it repaid within a year.

You need to pay back the interest.

Toomuchleopard · 19/06/2021 20:38

OP you did the right thing investing in your property. Lots of the posters in here would have put it in the bank, made toss all interest and felt smug about their morals 😂

DoubleTweenQueen · 19/06/2021 20:39

@ShoebillStork I suppose it depends on how much the loft conversion has added to the value of your house - then DS should get that amount, or something near.

DoubleTweenQueen · 19/06/2021 20:40

And I would agree, that putting the money into a tangible asset over the last however many years was likely the best way to have invested the 10k. The housing market has pretty much outstripped everything else!

Nancydrawn · 19/06/2021 20:40

@ShoebillStork

if you invested in a cas ISA it would be worth over £16k and if invested in a stocks and shares ISA over £33k. If you want to be really fair you should either aim to give him the higher amount or at least something in the middle as an average of the 2 so £24 - £25,000

Stocks & shares would not - in FIL's opinion - be the low risk investment that he specified. No way is he getting £20k plus. I'm going to be supporting him through uni!

I suppose this is your right, OP.

But what you're saying is that you don't want to give him the full sum that he's owed because he's getting money for university.

Which is to say, you're behaving like this is your money. It's not. It's his. Your FIL (who sounds like an absolute jackass, by the way) should have invested the money himself, but he gave it to you not to spend on your son or use for your son but to invest for your son.

Any profit from that money is, rightfully, your son's. You should most properly give him a percentage of the house increase in value. If that's £20k, that's £20k. It's not your money. You don't get to decide to deduct from that money because your investment turned out well. You don't get to profit off a gift that isn't meant for you and shortchange your own son because house prices soared.

Now, of course what you can do is to tell him he needs to use a portion of that money to support himself at uni. Tell him that he's getting £20k, or whatever the price increase is worth, and then tell him that because of that, he'll have to pay for his own room and board, or living expenses, or whatever.

But you don't get to keep money that doesn't belong to you.

JustWonderingIfYou · 19/06/2021 20:43

10years ago. I had 2 accounts, with natwest and nationwide i think that gave 4% interest on £5k each.

So that would give you £15k ish.

However I agree you should look at what his actual money was invested in and how much the return should be.

I'd imagine your house has gone up quite a bit more interesting he last 10years, work out what share his £10k was worth and how much it is worth now.

Shedbuilder · 19/06/2021 20:44

You've made some good choices, OP. Using the money to create a room of his own for your son, add to the value of the family home and watching it increase in value far, far in excess of any 'safe' savings account was an excellent call.

All the shrieking about fraud and misusing the money are just bizarre. Isn't it a Mumsnet rule of thumb that once a gift has been given the donor has no control over what happens to it? I've seen that said over and over on other threads. Good on you. Let's hope your son inherits your financial nous.

me4real · 19/06/2021 20:44

So if I allow £15k (£10k from FIL + £5k interest) then I can give him £3k now cos he wants to buy a car, then feed the remaining £12k into a Lifetime Isa over 3 years and the Government will add £1k per year. That about right?

@ShoebillStork I'm not basing it on any maths but that sounds ok to me OP. x

smallgoon · 19/06/2021 20:44

@0None0

This smacks of fraud. You are borrowing to pay back what you should have put aside for your son. What if you can’t get a loan? What if you get the loan but can’t make the payments?
Christ, get a grip!
TheRebelle · 19/06/2021 20:47

@MurielSpriggs

So far we have had fraud and stealing and outrage.

May I now suggest bigamy.

Worse still, I can guarantee that this is the sort of woman who washes her underwear in with her towels.

Are you not supposed to wash underwear with towels?
Original poster
ShoebillStork · 19/06/2021 20:48

@toobusytothink

Agree with mumoftwo at an average of 3% interest over 12 years £14,257
I like this figure. And I'll round it down to £14k by taking the £257 as my fund manager fee. DS got a bargain!
OP posts:
smallgoon · 19/06/2021 20:49

@deathbypostitnote

I can't get over your complete lack of accountability. That wasn't your money to spend. Did you check with the relative that they were happy with this creative interpretation of low risk investment?

I would never lend you a penny or ask you to look after any cash again.

Yawn.
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