Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help with financial pickle

880 replies

ShoebillStork · 19/06/2021 18:11

In 2009 FIL had a win on the Premium Bonds. He gave us £10,000 to invest for DS (at low risk) and the money to be given to DS when he's 18.

I put the money towards a loft conversion. DS is 18 soon and I'm due to remortgage for a better rate. How much do I need to release for him so he gets the £10k plus what it might have gained in interest since 2009.

And should I encourage DS to get a Help to Buy ISA with it?

OP posts:
Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:00

If FIL tells you you were wrong to put the money into your own property just tell him the fact he ignore DSS is just as wrong and he is in no possition to talk about morals. He did him by ignoring one of his grandchildren and you did you by investing in his property. He asks you how you justify what you did ? You ask him to justify ignoring one grandchild and to give a full explanation of exactly why he hates DSS so much he has as you say never acknoledged him. If he gives you grief then that should shut him up. I wonder what is morally worse, what you did or making a child watch their grandfather love their half sibling but not them ?

comedycentral · 21/06/2021 11:02

He's still getting way more than he would have. He's not losing out. It's no worse than putting it in shares. The drama and bullying on this thread is just typical mumsnet.

Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:05

@Blossomtoes not so much my sarcasm rather that if FIL critisises OP for her handling of the money she could ( I probably would in her shoes) make saracastic comments relating to his treatment of his other grandson. The way he has treated his other grandchild is horrific.

sunflowerdaisies · 21/06/2021 11:05

Sounds like you used the money in a sensible way to improve your child's life and now are giving the cash to him as intended. I cannot see why some think you've done anything wrong.

Sadiecow · 21/06/2021 11:11

@notthemum

Sorry stork, as far as I am concerned you had no right at all to spend the money on anything. FIL gave it for a specific purpose. You should give the 18 year old their money plus any interest that they would have . If you desperately needed it ( whiçh you did not ) you should have asked permission from FIL. Personally I think you should give him a considerable amount on top as well because (A) you will benefit of the spare room as i don't suppose be will want to be at your house forever And (B) Even if you pay every penny back that does not distract from the initial problem that YOU KNOW that you stole his money. Absolutely disgusting.
If only the OP was going to do that! If only she had come on here to ask how much interest should she add when she was paying her son back, if only that was the case ....... oh wait!
Original poster
ShoebillStork · 21/06/2021 11:11

No inheritance is ever guaranteed

No. And I'd think I had failed my son if I raised him to expect it. He's had a good education, will be supported through uni and his dad is planning to help with house deposits (for both his sons) but he needs to aim for financial independence in adulthood.

OP posts:
Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:17

Also it would have been more normal for FIL to have given the money to his actual son rather than someone who his son is not married to. I wonder did FIL decide not to give it to his actual son because his son might have split it to both his children? If FIL decided to give it to OP specifically to avoid his son trying to give any to the grandchild he does not acknolege.. then his behavior is far worse than anything he might accuse OP of and she has every right to tell him so. Another thing that would probably shut him up is telling him that if he doesnt shut up DS will be encouraged to share with his brother. He would probably go balistic if DS chose to share his gift with the ignored grandchild.

smallgoon · 21/06/2021 11:24

@comedycentral

He's still getting way more than he would have. He's not losing out. It's no worse than putting it in shares. The drama and bullying on this thread is just typical mumsnet.
Indeed. Probably borne out of jealousy too.
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/06/2021 11:27

The only responses I've been looking for are advice on how much DS would have got if the £10k had been put in a low risk investment.

But that is only an appropriate way to repay him if you made a loss. You didn't put it in a low-risk investment, you borrowed his money for your own purposes and he should share the extra profit you made over the years from his 10K.

And if you have another son who didn't get a share of his grandfather's money (for whatever reason) and you want to make it fair, you need to pony up from your own money, not your son's.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/06/2021 11:30

The drama and bullying on this thread is just typical mumsnet.

Oh I'm sure the OP is enjoying it, hence the oversharing about child benefit!

Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:38

If DS, when he finds out his brother got nothing, choses to share, would his grandfather be angry with DS? If so I think it would be one of very few cases where a grandparent kicked off because a young person had chosen to share with a sibling rather than refusing to share.

Ogham · 21/06/2021 11:38

@ShoebillStork I read all OPs posts and some of the other posts (thread is way too long).
Basically OP I think you’re brilliant, shrugging off all the ridiculous comments and being able to laugh at yourself.
Your son has benefited in having his own room all these years and also getting a lump sum (including interest at a reasonable rate).. if he was to get 125k (as someone suggested!) while you were paying the full mortgage, then surely rent for the room should be taken into account?? 🤔

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 11:38

Probably borne out of jealousy too

Care to expand on that? What’s there anything to be jealous of? We’re not exactly talking kings’ ransoms here.

Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:50

I would ask DS to share his money with DSS. However I would replace the money DS has given to his brother with my savings, then top up DSS money so they have the same. I would then encourage DS to explain to his Grandfather that he shared with his brother. No need to mention the top ups. I would tell DS that they way that FIL treated the two boys differently is very wrong, I think its important to emphasise DSS has been treated in a cruel way. Then I would be honest that the money was put into a loft conversion. If FIL then complains it was not invested I would complain that he treated his other grandson terribly so he should look to what he has done and that he wants Op to apologise for not investing he should apologise to his other grandson for not acknoledging him. Sorted.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/06/2021 11:57

I would ask DS to share his money with DSS.

Ask him? Don't! That's asking for trouble. What if he says no it's his money and he'd like to keep it thanks very much? What could the OP says after that to keep harmony in the family? Whatever happens nxt someone is going to feel robbed. If you're going to redistribute the money then at least decide for yourself and make it a done deal before saying anything about the money to the children.

Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 11:59

Whatever you decide OP please act in a way that DS learns how awful the favouritism is, that fairness is important, and DSS learns he is valued by you and DP the same as his brother and the rest of the family do not support FIL ignoring him in any way.

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 12:01

@Thehouseofmarvels

Whatever you decide OP please act in a way that DS learns how awful the favouritism is, that fairness is important, and DSS learns he is valued by you and DP the same as his brother and the rest of the family do not support FIL ignoring him in any way.
RTFT. Dss will do very nicely from his mum’s wealthy family. It’s nothing to do with OP and her fil can do whatever he chooses with his money.
Thehouseofmarvels · 21/06/2021 12:06

When i said share I meant if DS gets 14 k ask him to give 7k to his brother. Then give both boys 7k. DS has lost not one penny. Its exactly the same as giving DSS 14 and DS keeping his grandfathers money entirely. I would personaly do it the first way even though it makes no difference to what the boys end up with because DS could tell FIL he is choosing to share with his brother. The point of it is to make a point to FIL that how he has treated his other grandson is not fair. FIL does not need to know about the top ups. Aslo if things are done this way to make a point to FIL, it means the family are showing DSS that they do not agree with FIL ignoring him.

Blossomtoes · 21/06/2021 12:09

@Thehouseofmarvels, what part of fil’s gift policy is nothing to do with anyone but him are you failing to understand? If you really behave like this you must drive people round the bend.

WrongWayApricot · 21/06/2021 12:10

I don't get why people think the son should get a percentage of the increased value of the house? That's not how investments work is it, unless it's agreed at the beginning. Like if the bank makes more than 1% off my money I don't get more than the 1% interest I signed up for right? Idk much about money and feel thick for asking. I think I would have been chuffed if I got a new room as a kid and when I turned 18 a car, a lump sum and help at uni... That's a sweet deal to me 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
ShoebillStork · 21/06/2021 12:14

Also it would have been more normal for FIL to have given the money to his actual son rather than someone who his son is not married to

Normal is not a word I'd use to describe the father/son dynamic between DP and his dad. Though after some of the responses on this thread, I'm beginning to doubt what normal is ...

I wonder did FIL decide not to give it to his actual son because his son might have split it to both his children?

DP would not have done that because it would have been unethical. Two wrongs don't make a right. I also won't be suggesting DS share or be "compensating" DSS myself.

Basically OP I think you’re brilliant, shrugging off all the ridiculous comments and being able to laugh at yourself

Thank you. And to everyone else who has been kind and understanding.

OP posts:
Juno231 · 21/06/2021 12:16

@Curioushorse I think you've forgotten about compound interest!

SparklyLeprechaun · 21/06/2021 12:17

What a lot of drama for nothing. Just give the boy his 10k plus 4-5% compound interest. It's more than he would have got in a low risk child isa.

My parents emptied my and my brother's savings accounts when they bought a house. I never held it against them, they needed it at the time, it benefitted us as well, and the financial support they gave us since more than makes up for a few thousands we would have got aged 18.

Original poster
ShoebillStork · 21/06/2021 12:17

Oh I'm sure the OP is enjoying it, hence the oversharing about child benefit!

Yes, I love being called disgusting and a thief. The CB was explaining why I did/didn't do something. And I only knew about the pension/CB thing because, thankfully, I read it on MN Smile

OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/06/2021 12:23

I don't get why people think the son should get a percentage of the increased value of the house? That's not how investments work is it, unless it's agreed at the beginning.

The OP broke the original agreement with her FiL at the beginning and she didn't make any agreement with her son. So no, it's not how investments work and a financial manager would get in deep trouble for anything like that but she's not a financial manager. She's a parent, and having taken the risk with his money with no-one's agreement she should do right by her son.