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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I overreacting?

60 replies

youngandbroken · 19/06/2021 17:02

My 2 year old is unwell, she has had a high temperature for 3 days, has got progressively worse - just a temperature but seemed fine in herself on Thursday, developed a cough as well as the temperature yesterday and was a bit more clingy and tired but still cheerful until yesterday evening when she became very miserable, had more coughing fits that sounded very chesty and almost like she was gagging, she was also making grunt sounds when breathing at one point, today she has been extremely lethargic all day, only had a few bites to eat and only breastfed, slept or watched TV all day (she did have about 10 minutes of walking around trying to play earlier but has gone back to sleeping again now. I have said that if she gets worse I want to ring 111 to get advice but her dad says that I am overreacting and that I always overreact.

His examples of this are with our eldest -
I took her to hospital when she fell and cut the corner of her eye when she was about 18 months old, they couldn't glue it because she wouldn't stay still and so decided to leave it - he says because they did nothing I shouldn't have taken her. I also took her to out of hours when she wasn't drinking much and had quite dry nappies, although she did end up being ok and it was just a viral infection (admittedly she did also perk up alot when we were in the waiting room and started drinking again when we left). Also my doctor once rung an ambulance for me because they thought I had sepsis but because I was discharged after 5 hours of IV antibiotics he says I was overreacting on this too (although I wasn't the person who rang the ambulance) and he told everyone he could that I didn't have sepsis - I was only repeating what I had been told but I suppose he is right I didn't have sepsis because they did send me home.

I now feel like if I do ring 111 then firstly they might think I am overreacting, and secondly my partner will end up being very angry at me for over reacting.

I admit I do feel panicky when my children are unwell (more so when they can't tell me what is wrong) so I might be over reacting but I also don't know what justifies calling 111 now.

OP posts:

AttaGirrrrl · 19/06/2021 22:08

Trust your instincts. Call 111.

Stbxh was like this. Always thought I was overreacting.

Told me not to worry when DS1 had a temperature. Turned out to be Scarlett fever.

Told me not to worry when DS2 had diarrhoea. Turned out to be giardiasis.

Told me not to worry when I had a sore boob. Mastitis. I ended up on an antibiotic drip.

This isn’t why he’s an ex, but since leaving him I’ve learnt to trust my instincts!

30degreesandmeltinghere · 19/06/2021 22:12

My exh rang me from A&E one Sunday night he had the dc... He had driven past my house to take ds to hospital with a raging temp and headache. I drove straight there... Turned out ds had been ill all week end and exh hadn't even given him a paracetamol.. The Dr gave him a good piece of his mind... I had to leave the room tbh...
Court stated 'different parenting styles' but I did get it into the court order I was to be told about any illness or accidents...
He didn't stick to that as obviously he knew better...
Twat.

RaginaFalangi · 19/06/2021 22:57

Her dad sounds like a twat.

Call 111 they will advise you on what to do. Tbh if it was my child I would've called yesterday evening if you're saying she was grunting and coughing.

Original poster

youngandbroken · 19/06/2021 23:35

I had to ring 111 back and now waiting for an ambulance I'm panicking and feel sick.

OP posts:

PatchyTwat · 19/06/2021 23:39

I hope all turns out well, you did the right thibf

AttaGirrrrl · 20/06/2021 07:20

How are you all?

IDontReadEyebrows · 20/06/2021 07:37

Your husband is an idiot and also sounds like a bit of a bully? He’ll be “angry” with you if you seek a professional medical opinion? That’s not right.

Absolutely phone 111 at any time if you’re worried about your child’s health. I’ve never met a medical professional who has given any sign at been pissed off with me for bringing my sick child to them. Most if not all, will argue that you should always seek advice from them in this scenario.

tenlittlecygnets · 20/06/2021 07:49

You did the right thing. Hopefully your dd has had a comfortable night and has been treated. Update us when you can, if you can. Big hugs.

hopeishere · 20/06/2021 07:56

You definitely did the right thing! Hope she's ok.

FunnyWonder · 20/06/2021 08:30

OP, I hope your DD is ok

A few years ago, when my DS started grunting and sucking his little stomach in with every breath, I phoned the bell doc (am in NI) and was told to take him straight to A&E as, in our case, it was quicker than waiting for an ambulance. Thankfully he was ok - he was given ventolin and I was sent home with dissolvable steroid tablets. He had bronchiolitis. Unfortunately, this was far from being my last trip to A&E with him over the next couple of years. He was eventually diagnosed with asthma (virus related, in that he was never breathless unless he had a chesty cold) and hasn't been back at the hospital since as he takes a steroid inhaler.

Ignore your partner in future. Don't let his terrible attitude make you doubt yourself. When all your senses are telling you there's something very wrong, just act on them. Unless, of course, your partner breaks a limb - tell him to stick a plaster on it and another one over his mouth!

Hope all is well.

Original poster

youngandbroken · 20/06/2021 08:33

Well the ambulance never turned up, I received a phone call at 3am saying they could respond because they were extremely busy and asked if I could get her to A&E myself which I couldn't and so the advice was to ring 111 if she got worse, or go to the GP on Monday.

Admittedly she did get a little better and has woken up a bit, cooled down and is more alert today so I guess my partner was right and it wasn't really necessary. He's already started with the I told you so, I feel like an idiot, I'm supposed to be going to work and I dont want to leave her with her dad when she's ill because I don't know at what point he would think it's worth calling for help.

OP posts:

Donelurking · 20/06/2021 08:37

As others have said...call 111. Get advice. That’s what it’s there for. As for your DH, maybe he’s right but he’s not an expert so you’d be better off asking for their opinion with regards to your child’s and your health.

Angel2702 · 20/06/2021 08:40

@youngandbroken

If you haven’t yet had the PCR test result back then you can’t go to work, you all need to isolate until you have a confirmed negative test result.

MaMaD1990 · 20/06/2021 08:40

Your husband sounds like an utter knob. When it comes to your child's health, it's not overreacting, it's being a responsible and loving parent.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/06/2021 08:40

Does he bring anything to your life? He sounds like a bully

Divebar2021 · 20/06/2021 08:42

He isn’t right and the fact you’re saying that is concerning. If I was worried about my child I would have no issues using the out of hours Drs or A&E. I probably would have got a friend to take me or a taxi actually if I was at the point of needing an ambulance. I also would be telling him my concerns about leaving for work.

Secondsop · 20/06/2021 08:47

Oh you poor thing - it’s worrying enough having a sick child without having to also stress about your idiotic husband. Are you able to take a day of emergency/dependants leave from work today to keep an eye on her yourself as you’re much more tuned in to her behaviour?

Also - he wasn’t right so don’t let him rationalise things in that way. If (fingers crossed) she is fine without seeing a doctor, there’s no way on earth that is the “right” call - it’s a LUCKY call. Seeing a doctor especially given she had covid symptoms would have been the right thing to do, as you know because that’s what you wanted to do. And she might well have been feeling much better much quicker if the doctor had seen her as he/she may have been able to do something to help her symptoms. So he’s rather his child was uncomfortable for longer. He’s not right.

Incidentally the examples you’ve given of your husband getting angry, I’m struck by how it’s such a small number of things! (I thought you were going to give loads of examples). And I’m also struck by how for each and every one, it’s sheer dumb luck that it hasn’t turned out to be something serious because you had a good reason for seeking medical attention every time. And for your own situation how dare he undermine you publicly by telling everyone you didn’t have sepsis. (And also the fact you had 5 hours of IV antibiotics indicates the medical team had clear concerns - so he knows better than them does he???). This isn’t just about medical stuff - it’s also about the lack of respect and the disdain he shows for things that matter to you. It’s a way of him controlling you, sort of like “let’s see how far I can make her hold off getting medical help for the kids. If it’s a long time, I’m really powerful. And if everything turns out ok, I’ve got another metaphorical stick to beat her with”.

PurpleSunrise · 20/06/2021 08:48

Well you can’t go to work anyway since one of you has covid symptoms you all need to isolate? So at least you can stay and watch her carefully yourself. He sounds like a dick, trust your instincts

Original poster

youngandbroken · 20/06/2021 08:49

@Angel2702 no I'm not going in sorry but what I meant is that I am supposed to go to work and leave them with him but what if they get ill again, or injure themselves, he won't get help. I didn't explain myself well at all there.

OP posts:

Vallmo47 · 20/06/2021 08:53

I’m sorry your husband is making you feel like that because one time it will be serious and he would be happy to leave it too late, by the sounds of it, due to his feeling that you overreact.
Whether that’s true or not doesn’t matter - if you are genuinely concerned about the health of ANYONE, you should seek medical attention. I hope the time you hold off it’s for him - sorry that’s really rude but he’s annoyed me. I’m sure if it was him he’d like you to be concerned.

I hope your child feels better very soon.

AutoGroup · 20/06/2021 08:55

My children saw a GP twice each and we went to A&E 3 times between them during their entire childhoods. I am the exact opposite for an overreacter, but I would call 111 in the circumstances you describe.

billy1966 · 20/06/2021 08:59

OP,

Your partner sounds nasty and bullying.

Lethargy in a child is a warning not to ignore.
I think you were right to be concerned.

What an unpleasant man you are married to.

MrsBobDylan · 20/06/2021 09:21

Op, can I ask why you couldn't get dd to hospital - do neither you or your husband drive?

I think your husband sounds awful. Who uses their child's illness to be the big man?

Original poster

youngandbroken · 20/06/2021 09:27

@MrsBobDylan I don't drive and had no money for the taxi, my partner does drive but had gone to bed and already refused to drive us - he would have had to look after our eldest daughter as well but he has refused to drive me to the hospital in the past (we were living with his mother at the time and she took me).

OP posts:

IrishCharm · 20/06/2021 09:31

[quote youngandbroken]@MrsBobDylan I don't drive and had no money for the taxi, my partner does drive but had gone to bed and already refused to drive us - he would have had to look after our eldest daughter as well but he has refused to drive me to the hospital in the past (we were living with his mother at the time and she took me).[/quote]
Op there is all kinds of wrong with this - your child is waiting on an ambulance, they can’t get to you and you can’t get to hospital because he’s asleep in bed?!?!
He needs a massive kick up the backside! And YOU need to stop accepting his behaviour as normal cos it’s not!!!!!

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