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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other people are trouble

32 replies

Topia · 19/06/2021 15:44

AIBU to think that people are trouble and contact with others (aside from family and friends) should be pretty much non-existent, only taking place when unavoidable & absolutely necessary, such as work (but only those you have to talk to, & only as briefly as possible.)

I have realised during the pandemic how little value external contact brings to my life; people are complex, & lots of people are just out for what they can get from you in my experience; they owe you nothing & unless you put these rigid boundaries in place you’ll end up giving more energy to negative or pointless interactions than is healthy.

I just find people too complex as well; life is so much simpler & focussed with less people in it apart from family & friends. As a last point, the other thing I’ve observed is how hostile the world has become. People are on their guard these days; they want to be angry and if you put yourself in the firing line you’ll get roasted. It’s just not worth it. Contact with others costs too much.

Best to cut contact, mind your own & keep well away!

OP posts:
Sadiecow · 19/06/2021 15:47

Each to their own @Topia, you sound very complex yourself to be honest!

Newrumpus · 19/06/2021 15:48

This is the damage that lockdown has caused. I’m sorry OP. You seem to be having a hard time. I find people amazing, awesome & life-affirming. I think most people are good and want to do the best for their communities.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2021 15:50

I get you, op, I really do.

Aprilx · 19/06/2021 15:51

I might be asking a stupid question here, but if you exclude family, friends and colleagues, which people are causing this trouble that you are referring to? 🤔

Funnylittlefloozie · 19/06/2021 15:52

You are absolutely entitled to feel this way, but I think you are a bit unreasonable. Most people are not "trouble" or only out for what they can get. Obviously there are many, many knobheads out there, but in my experience, most people are decent enough. I like people.

jay55 · 19/06/2021 15:54

How do you make friends if you're hostile to everyone?

ObviousNameChage · 19/06/2021 15:58

I don't even like people and you're still YABU. Well I guess feeling that way is fine, as long as you don't spread it out / impose that way of thinking/living on your kids,family,friends.

Manzanilla55 · 19/06/2021 16:00

Most people not worth the bother. A few are but they are rare.

MissJeanBrodiesprime · 19/06/2021 16:01

Topia
I just find people too complex as well; life is so much simpler & focussed with less people in it apart from family & friends.

OP how do you differentiate between these people you say are not bothering with and your friends?

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 19/06/2021 16:03

But with that approach how do you make friends? I think that’s quite a sad approach and I’m sad that you’ve found that to be the case.

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2021 16:06

I found the opposite over last 18 months. I like the small contacts with daily life and by that I include people.

Chikapu · 19/06/2021 16:14

How do you even have friends with that attitude? You sound unpleasant tbh.

cookiecreampie · 19/06/2021 16:17

I agree to an extent. I think have people in your life but there's such a thing as getting too close. A friend of mine was overjoyed to be friends with a group of loud, trouble causing mums at our kids school. In each others' houses every day, whole family sleepovers and so on. I told her to be careful as I've seen people of the receiving end of them. All good until one of them had an affair with her husband and now lives with her. The rest of the group all sided with the one who had the affair and are now making life hell for my friend. I could see this coming.

tara66 · 19/06/2021 16:18

I understand what you're saying but I have often been very grateful for the kindness of strangers. Have you never experienced that?

SugarHorse · 19/06/2021 16:19

I'm with you, OP - totally agree with what you say.

Macncheeseballs · 19/06/2021 16:20

Most people are not trouble at all!

PracticingPerson · 19/06/2021 16:22

I see what you mean.

I have family, colleagues and a small number of friends. I also have lots of small contacts in daily life, all of which add value and make the day more cheerful.

But I very rarely want to get involved with others, because of the risk of drama. I guess I am happy with who I know. But if a new neighbour moves into the street, I give a friendly smile and leave it at that.

KeepSmiling89 · 19/06/2021 16:23

I see where you're coming from OP, but not everyone is as selfish as you think.
I was put shipping today and had lovely interactions with people who served me in 3 shops. No physical contact, but social contact that puts a smile on my face in these uncertain times.

Never underestimate the kindness of strangers.

KeepSmiling89 · 19/06/2021 16:23

I meant shopping, not shipping- haha!

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2021 16:24

People are generally nice ime maybe it’s worth looking at the common denominator

Original poster
Topia · 19/06/2021 16:31

I think it’s self-protection more than anything else. And like @cookiecreampie’s example above, with hindsight I bet this lady wished she’d just kept well away. Extraneous relationships just bring pain & complexity into your life.

People are inherently selfish & unless they have very close ties with you they have no reason whatsoever to put your interests above theirs……….and they will. I do like people on a surface level but I think it’s good to be wary

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 19/06/2021 16:33

I'm lucky I guess that I completely disagree with you. I have some lovely lovely friends who make my laugh happier.

Acousticroyal · 19/06/2021 16:36

@cookiecreampie

I agree to an extent. I think have people in your life but there's such a thing as getting too close. A friend of mine was overjoyed to be friends with a group of loud, trouble causing mums at our kids school. In each others' houses every day, whole family sleepovers and so on. I told her to be careful as I've seen people of the receiving end of them. All good until one of them had an affair with her husband and now lives with her. The rest of the group all sided with the one who had the affair and are now making life hell for my friend. I could see this coming.

This is shocking!

catfeets · 19/06/2021 16:37

With you on this one, OP. I've never liked contact with people so lockdown has been great.
My new neighbours are the opposite - there's always at least 8 cars at their house each day. All I can hear today is shouting, screaming, revving engines, car doors slamming, metal clanging and gunshots(!!). How can anyone enjoy that level of noise and think it's normal. How can anyone need to see 8 cars worth of people every day? Who even knows that many people?

I do find that people generally want something when they're in contact. If you say no, they soon disappear. It's not worth the effort in most cases.

MargosKaftan · 19/06/2021 16:48

I think its a very hard way to live. To presume the worse from everyone.

Most people are alright you know, they might not be your best friend, but most people aren't deliberately going through life looking for ways to shit on others.

I think it must be very hard going through life constantly assuming the worse about people.

How do you make friends like this, or are you reliant on a group from childhood?