-to dread my mother-in-law coming to stay?

[Jaynee]

Can anyone offer me any advice about difficult mother in laws? Mine is very domineering and bossy, somthing I'm not used to with my own mother. She is also very protective of my daughter and sometimes I feel that if I weren't around she would be happy because she'd have her son and grand-daughter to herself. She never compliments my parenting or is interested in anything my daughter does with me and she is always telling me what to do. I am sure she means well but I can't stand it. Tried to stand up to her once but we had a huge row as she is very argumentative!!! I hate confrontation. We live far away so i dread her visits. Has anyone got any coping advice?? I recentlyhad a miscarriage which I'm sure ws stress related and this is my one and only 'issue' and I could do with having some strategies.

Sorry Manchita. I wasn't referring to you when I said you marry your in laws when you marry your DH.

That's just the usual stuff that gets trotted out when others are amazed we dream of having an issue with MILs. As if MILS are somehow incapable of being difficult and have a holy status.. .. .and remember, we'll be MILs one day. Blah blah blah.

hi Jaynee,
We are on the same boat...always get criticised...my soups are not as good as hers, i don't know how to do this and that,...for example when ds was younger and i used to make him burp, she said that she has never known anyone burping their child and i made it a habit...but when i did it in front of her she told me i shouldn't @rub this way@ but that way instead ...
also she knows my baby weight at birth better than me....long, long list....
anyway, like you i had a massive argument with her a few weeks ago as i could not stand it anymore(although i was still polite) and i do not regret answering back to her as i felt better for telling her what i think...but that created lots of conflicts with dp who stands up for his mum!
i decided to still stay nice but not talk to her that much anymore and that when she says thing i will just acknoledge but not do it so that hopefully she will realise that no matter what she says to me i do things my way... but haven't managed to put that in practice as i have been away for a while...unlike you, i get to see her 4 days a week as i work and she looks after ds (terrible, but i do not trust the creche and if i sent ds to creche she would be soooo upset and that would create even more conflict...i pay her though..)so u see, at least she is far away, unlike me who have so many opportunities to get upset when i meet her!!!!

Our solution is to try and do lots of "side-by-side" activities so that we're rarely sitting around talking. I would second the advice about getting her to look after your DD. I despatch my PIL to the park regularly.

Here's a thought for you - why do it?

Say:

'That's interesting...'
'I'll bear that in mind...'
'You may be right...'
'Tell me how it was when you were...'

Do:

What you think is right.

5 sils Manchita!!! brave you! Will we all end up like our ILs one day???!! hope not. Have been asked to take dd round to new friend for coffee while MIL is here. Am new to the area so don't want to say no, do I leave MIL here or turn the invite down? Sort of thing she gets funny about. Thanks for all your great advice everyone, glad to know Im not being unreasonable as dh sometimes hints at.

Winky Winkola, no hard feelings, of course you are right about the crap advice wheeled out and in laws are terrors at times!
When my dd was 10 months old one of my sil's took her out for theday and gave her dim sum and leminade for lunch! They oftn tried to give her crisps and salty crap that I had to refuse.
And 3 of them smoke like chimneys!