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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re Elderly DFs GP Surgery & ...

29 replies

SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 11:48

What help can I get him today (weekend) that isn't an ambulance?

Posting here for traffic (apologies)

I live at the other end of the country, difficult relationship with my usually sharp as a button, 85 yo, but volatile DF at the best of times & he's prone to flying off the handle & blocking me. I can't travel to visit as I'm high risk myself & not yet fully vaccinated & id be passing through busy, higher Delta variant areas to get to him, even if I was well enough to travel right now.

I was away locally & out of contact for a few days & come back to him slurring his words & all over the place when talking to him, he says he has dementia, but as it's sudden, I'm thinking his diabetes is playing up, or maybe a UTI as he has kidney disease. Though he insisted his sugar levels were fine

It took me 3 min short of an hour to get through to his surgery for an appointment. I explained my worries & how he's been unable to get through on the phone. Receptionist is says that given his age they have to send out a GP to see him, so one will be with him after 11 am, but they might ring first to get more information. Big relief.

But no doctor visited him & no urgent test for a UTI/Kidney infection organised. Referral to a gastroenterologist from what I could make sense of, but nothing else. He thankfully sounded much better yesterday morning & owned up to eating too much chocolate. Hmm so I'd hoped that was it.

Last night he sounded awful again & owned up to bad diarrhoea too. I also have CDK & less so than him & know this is also a red flag for a kidney infection & though I'm not medical, surely this needs to be ruled out. My GP would always check me for his first. Diarrhoea with CKD is also potentially very bad & needs a dehydration check. Nobody has seen him.

Checking reviews on his surgery, it's actually scary as they are that bad Sad

So

Should they by law/guidelines have sent out a GP to see him given his age

& if when I ring him in a few minutes, he's still really ill, who else can I contact to get him seen bar 999 for an ambulance? Hell do his nut if I do that. Last time he stopped speaking for 3 months, even though they kept him in hospital for a week & he needed to be there 🤦‍♀️

I don't have contact for any neighbours as he's a stubborn old sod & won't give to me & the lovely lady I did have contact with has sadly moved back to her homeland

So I need to handle things carefully, but I'm worried

TIA

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 19/06/2021 11:53

Does gp practise have an out of hours service or ring 111

Gingernaut · 19/06/2021 11:58

Community Matrons or District Nurses

Call the local hospital and see what help is available.

Try to do it before 1pm

LIZS · 19/06/2021 11:59

111 should be able to locate out of hours help. Could he or someone he trusts be able to organise transport to a surgery or A and E if required.

bennyjet · 19/06/2021 12:00

Out of hours here will send a gp via 111, the dr called back first then as dp needed to be seen ( infection after major op and couldn't travel) the doctor came here

Purplewithred · 19/06/2021 12:13

111, but if he has new confusion don't be surprised if 999 turn up - and to be honest new confusion —> uti/stroke/hyperglycaemia/hypoglycaemia are all perfectly good reasons to call an ambulance (new confusion is a big red flag).

Unless he is already under some kind of rapid response team there’s not much in the way of an alternative.

And it sounds as though the surgery intended to ring him before visiting - home visits are a nightmare for gp surgeries - is it possible he told them he didn't need a visit?

Lovethewater · 19/06/2021 12:13

I would ring 111. We had to do this a number of times in the last year of my mum's life. On some occasions an ambulance was warranted, however on others arrangements were made for a doctor to make a home visit. There was quite a long wait once but a nurse from 111 rang twice to check how mum was and said to ring back now any deterioration. I have read a lot of criticism of 111 but have to say my experience has been positive.

MagnoliaXYZ · 19/06/2021 12:16

As he'd improved, perhaps when the GP phoned your father declined a home visit/bloods etc. If he has capacity (perhaps him saying he had dementia just meant he felt a little confused at that point when maybe he wasn't at his best due to his blood sugar or something else), and capacity is assumed unless proven otherwise, he has the right to make decisions, no matter how wrong you think they are.

Original poster
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 12:48

Thanks everyone.

@MagnoliaXYZ that's more than possible as he's beyond stubborn at times.

The only thing that's keeping me calmer is that I know his close neighbour is a nurse & her & her DH kindly keep an eye on him & knock if they don't see him. They have keys too. Unfortunately I've no way to contact them though, DF has made sure of that & lockdown/Covid & an injury meaning I couldn't travel in the 6 months prior to Covid either, so means it's now years since I've been able to visit & sort out up to-date contacts for myself

Thank you @Gingernaut. I've now managed to get phone numbers for his local service & they're open til 5 & an out of hour's number too, so that is a huge help

& thanks for the 111 suggestion. I've gone this route before & they've always sent an ambulance, which DF insists is "overkill & dramatic & I'll kill you if you do that again" Hmm as I suggested it yesterday morning when he sounded very rough. Big improvement by mid afternoon though & then downhill again last night with diarrhoea Sad

I still haven't managed to get hold of him. He's switched his Mobile off & no answer at home. This could mean he's just forgotten to switch his mobile back on & is feeling well enough for his daily trike ride. He does that regardless of anything but diarrhoea or sickness though, so doesn't mean he's actually better & this is what he did yesterday when I was panicking as I couldn't get hold of him. Going to give it a little while longer & keep trying, but will ring District nurses office if I don't hear from him soon & will organise a visit for him anyway

🤞🤞🥴

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 19/06/2021 13:39

Actually op he needs a clinical assessment and paramedics are a very good way to achieve this. If 111 suggest it, it isn't overkill . They will assess and do what is needed which might be A&E assessment but might be some other route

LIZS · 19/06/2021 13:54

Even 999 may well send a paramedic rather than ambulance to assess him. Not being able to contact him is worrying. Can you get the ndn number from 192.com?

Twitchynose · 19/06/2021 16:53

If you can’t get hold of your Dad call the police and ask them to do a welfare check, they’ll send officers round to check on him and summon medical help if necessary. Hope he’s okay .

Original poster
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 18:11

Sorry for the slow update. Internet problems to cap today off nicely 🥴

After running him several times again p, I ended up getting a police welfare check as I realised a nurse might not be able to get in.

Thank god I did. He's had a fall & they found him curled up in the corner unable to get up. They insist he seems okay, but seems confused & after lots of hassling from the police, they have an ambulance with him & will be taking him to hospital for a check over. I've given as much medical information as I can, asked them to reassure him that his cats will be safe, fed & watered as he will panic about them. Policeman is lovely & is feeding the cats & he have already contacted his neighbours. I'm now just waiting for an update from the hospital I guess 🙏

OP posts:
Original poster
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 18:13

& bloody covid 🤬🤬🤬 I'd be on my way up there now otherwise Sad

OP posts:
LIZS · 19/06/2021 18:18

Oh goodness, just as well you called. Can you ask that ndn contact you so you can keep in touch? Hopefully it is easily resolved but it does sound like he needs more support.

Hermanfromguesswho · 19/06/2021 18:18

For the future why not pop a letter in the post today eith your contact information to the neighbours explaining that you’d like to keep in touch with them and asking them to call you?

LIZS · 19/06/2021 18:19

@Hermanfromguesswho

For the future why not pop a letter in the post today eith your contact information to the neighbours explaining that you’d like to keep in touch with them and asking them to call you?
Good idea.
LoveFall · 19/06/2021 18:28

I don't live in the UK but had similar. My Dad was really struggling and neighbours saw him fall outside the house. They called my brother who called me at work.

We live several hours away. I talked to Dad who insisted he was fine, but I was so worried I phoned his doctor. She called an ambulance.

My siblings and I had to drop everything and go to care for Mom who had dementia.

Not a good time. I feel for you OP but I guess what I learned is get help there. Things can change quickly. My Dad was in hospital for 6 weeks and we had to find a care facility.

I know people get on about using resources like ambulances but honestly it was the right thing, especially from a distance.

pigeonpies · 19/06/2021 18:33

If you're that worried why didn't you travel to check on him. It's about weighing up risk and if this was my family I'd be there in a shot

PragmaticWench · 19/06/2021 18:35

For once he's home, there are devices such as an app that connects to your relatives kettle, to alert you if they don't make a cup of tea. So you'd know if something was going on and a mobile was switched off or not being answered. The company Howz do these I think, we looked into it for DMIL.

Lucifersladylove · 19/06/2021 18:39

I’d just ring 999 and to hell with him sulking about it.

alrightfella · 19/06/2021 18:44

@SingingInTheShithouse please try and convince your df to get a careline (buzzer they wear round their neck or wrist) and least then if there is another fall he can press the button and they can arrange help. In the first instance it may be just they ring the neighbour (keyholder) to pop in and see if he needs more help.

weaselwords · 19/06/2021 18:45

Oh god I had similar but 111 sent the ambulance rather than having to ring the police. The GP surgery weren’t very helpful at all. So glad you persisted! I hope your dad makes a swift recovery.

AnnaMagnani · 19/06/2021 18:49

Well done for sending the police round.

I have had my DM fighting with me that she doesn't want an ambulance or to go to hospital.

That was over 2 years ago, she was seriously ill, she's now 80 and more than pleased to still be alive - don't listen to it if your DF is usually fit and well!

Original poster
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 19:13

Thanks everyone

Further update ...

Doctors have him now. He has a temperature & they suspect a UTI, so are running tests & sorting out antibiotics for him. This is exactly what I told his surgery I was worried about & they didn't bloody check him for anything 🤦‍♀️

They've reassured me that his heart, sugar, & everything else are looking good 🙏 & they are amazed by what an incredibly fit man he is for his age (ex army PT instructor who still exercises military fashion everyday😂) so they keeping him for a few days & are happy he'll be out very soon 🙏

As for getting him help & signing him up for support schemes. Trust me I've tried everything & all of it has resulted in him not speaking to me for months on end & blocking phones etc. I've approached his GP who were worse than useless there too & he convinced them he copes fine. He actually does cope fine most of the time. The paramedics have just said how immaculate his flat is for example. It's just when he's ill, & he won't prepare for it at all. Won't give me numbers, has lied & given me false numbers etc. I'm told to stop fussing & he's not going anywhere yet etc 🤦‍♀️ He lives in a bungalow at the side of a small apartment block, so he has a lot of neighbours, but only 2 flats he's friends with as several are recently new. I do definitely need to try harder to contact them though, it's a ridiculous situation 🥴

OP posts:
Original poster
SingingInTheShithouse · 19/06/2021 19:47

Oh & I forgot to add, turns out the police were the best call as he's recently lost his own key & got his spare back from his neighbour, so they had to pop his bathroom window out to gain access to him, but that's been sorted out again 🙏

OP posts: