Re Elderly DFs GP Surgery & ...

[SingingInTheShithouse]

What help can I get him today (weekend) that isn't an ambulance?

Posting here for traffic (apologies)

I live at the other end of the country, difficult relationship with my usually sharp as a button, 85 yo, but volatile DF at the best of times & he's prone to flying off the handle & blocking me. I can't travel to visit as I'm high risk myself & not yet fully vaccinated & id be passing through busy, higher Delta variant areas to get to him, even if I was well enough to travel right now.

I was away locally & out of contact for a few days & come back to him slurring his words & all over the place when talking to him, he says he has dementia, but as it's sudden, I'm thinking his diabetes is playing up, or maybe a UTI as he has kidney disease. Though he insisted his sugar levels were fine

It took me 3 min short of an hour to get through to his surgery for an appointment. I explained my worries & how he's been unable to get through on the phone. Receptionist is says that given his age they have to send out a GP to see him, so one will be with him after 11 am, but they might ring first to get more information. Big relief.

But no doctor visited him & no urgent test for a UTI/Kidney infection organised. Referral to a gastroenterologist from what I could make sense of, but nothing else. He thankfully sounded much better yesterday morning & owned up to eating too much chocolate. so I'd hoped that was it.

Last night he sounded awful again & owned up to bad diarrhoea too. I also have CDK & less so than him & know this is also a red flag for a kidney infection & though I'm not medical, surely this needs to be ruled out. My GP would always check me for his first. Diarrhoea with CKD is also potentially very bad & needs a dehydration check. Nobody has seen him.

Checking reviews on his surgery, it's actually scary as they are that bad

So

Should they by law/guidelines have sent out a GP to see him given his age

& if when I ring him in a few minutes, he's still really ill, who else can I contact to get him seen bar 999 for an ambulance? Hell do his nut if I do that. Last time he stopped speaking for 3 months, even though they kept him in hospital for a week & he needed to be there 🤦‍♀️

I don't have contact for any neighbours as he's a stubborn old sod & won't give to me & the lovely lady I did have contact with has sadly moved back to her homeland

So I need to handle things carefully, but I'm worried

TIA

Yes, good for you for getting the police to check. My Dad had a UTI too. He also had a blood cancer he had for years, which complicated things. The ambulance paramedics found him on the kitchen floor.

He and Mom also refused help. It is so hard. I get it.

I hope things go a bit more smoothly now. And I completely understand why you didn't drop everything and go.

We had to once Dad was in hospital, but it was extremely disruptive to work etc. we had already been going there every couple of weeks bringing frozen meals as they were not eating properly. Dad would accept help from us but just a few weeks before his fall he had fired their cleaner (a friend of the family).

Sorry to hear that you Dad had had a fall and is unwell, but so relieved that you were able to get help for him. I hope he recovers quickly.
Trying to convince older people that they need some support/back up eg a care line/lifeline or whatever you want to call it can be impossible. Hopefully, this might make him recognise that he does need something. Would it be possible to persuade him to get a keysafe fitted so that if this happens again (heaven forbid) someone can get in? Mind you sounds like he’d probably just take the key out of it!
If he’s friendly with a neighbour, could you write to them giving your contact details and ask if they would mind being an emergency contact for you to call if you can’t get hold of him/are concerned? I have my parent’s neighbour’s number and she will text me if concerns and will pop round to see them if I’m concerned too.

Thanks for the further replies, sorry I missed notifications, but back to update.

It turned out to be Campylobacter gut infection, not UTI & he was very dehydrated. I possible mentioned food poisoning, UTI & dehydration when I made his GP appointment that didn't visit him

DF is now home again, his nurse did ring me to get my opinion on his ability to cope & I rightly said he copes fine when he's well, but situations like this really worry me & I worry he's not yet well enough to cope, but he will say he is regardless.

I'd spoken with DF the night before & it was obvious he'd had enough & wanted home & was missing his cats, so I suspect he's pushed to go home, ready or not. He had lied to them about an eye op he walked out on, saying he'd had it, when he hasn't, as they think his falling was a vision problem in bad light 🤦‍♀️

He is now home, his neighbour collected him at tea time & by the time I got to finally speak to him late last night he admitted that he'd been in bed since & was struggling t get up

If I could be there I would right now, but his doctor confirmed I'm probably more risk to him if I travel to see him as the delta variant is a bigger worry at his age & current very run down state even when vaccinated, plus the risk to me when I'm not fully vaxxed yet. Plus my own health is particularly crap ATM & staying with DF is particularly stressful as he does not acknowledge any of my own significant health problems/disability & can kick of for my being lazy, if I'm needing to rest & recoup for the journey , or I'm antisocial if I can't sit with him in his living room on the very oddly angled sofa that puts strain on my damaged neck, nor cope with h is very loud tv when I have SPD.

I'd need DH to drive me there to cut the Covid risk & that's very difficult right now as he's just started a trial contract to a new employer, so potentially looses a lot of future work if he pulls out now as he'll leave them in the shit & we of course need income & we have DD to think of too & she's far from an easy teen right now

I feel particularly crap about being there as his GP is so crap 🥴 though I'm about to ring them & ask for an investigation as to why no one went out to see my dad when I called them to do so.

Hoping I can get help with other things for him too & I'm going to ring the community nurse hub in the hope of advice & some action 🤞🤞

Oh & I have already sent a card with my contact information to his neighbours