To feel unsure about this date?

[Emanresu1]

Met someone online, we’ve been talking for about a week. He’s very funny, has a great personality and felt like I’ve known him a lot longer. I have been single for a long time and I’m not into rushing things, I like to be friends for a while first and get to know someone - kind of ‘demisexual’ and old fashioned in that respect. I’ve told him all of this.

We met up for the first time last week, things were going well but then after a few drinks he kept groping me and making comments about my ass etc. The next day he apologised, blamed it on the drink and seemed really mortified. I thought okay, I like him enough to move past it (we’ve had some deep conversations and I don’t believe he’s just wanting sex). Since the date he’s started messaging more, before we’d just catch up in the evening but now it’s all day long and he says he can’t stop thinking about me etc. It all feels very rushed and I’m freaking out, but having been alone for so long I don’t know if it’s normal for things to move at this speed or just me not being ready?

I really hate when people blame drink for their awful behaviour. If he can't handle his drink then he shouldn't drink so much on a date that he behaves likes a creep. I wouldn't see him again.

I would have been out at the groping after youd been clear about your boundaries to be quite honest; a few drinks is not an excuse

Also..love bombing.

It's not normal for him not to respect your boundaries, no.

I'm really sorry OP, but this one isn't for you. I'm an experienced dater and absolutely recognise that. He's a creep, and has conveniently blamed the booze.

You sound lovely though, and do make sure you stick with your boundaries. Don't let those guys wear you down.

Also agree with @bonfireheart, I know I can be a bit irritating a few drinks in so I don’t drink that much, unless he’s 19 then he should have learnt that already

I mean. How many red flags do you need?

Thanks everyone. I’m upset because I do really like him, but I don’t like the intensity after only a week.

@TellingBone

I mean. How many red flags do you need?

Couldn't have put it better myself!

It’s only been a week, he’s groped you (sexual assault as I’m assuming you didn’t consent) and is now not giving you a minutes peace? Run, and don’t look back.

I would always be very very suspicious of someone who moves too fast like this. There's no way you can behead over heals in love with someone after such a short period of time so anyone who suddenly needs to message you every minute is either just lonely and projecting a fantasy relationship onto the first woman who comes along or is the kind of guy to love bomb you before either disappearing once he's bored or turning into an utter arsehole once he thinks you're hooked.

He sounds like a creep rushing to get you into bed. The groping didn’t work, so now he’ll act like he’s in love with you instead. Basic, 10 a penny bloke, you can pick up another like this within seconds on Tinder.

What’s demisexual by the way?!

You really like a man who groped you when he was drunk? Ok then…

Demisexual is when you are only sexually attracted to someone you have an emotional bond with....

No second date, if someone cannot control their drinking or their behaviour or both, steer well clear. Have the personal self-respect and self-esteem to tell him now that he's not for you.

You are having doubts.
Stop it now. He's going to be a nightmare.

You deserve better than Mr Octopus.

Sigh, yes. I think this is why I’ve always avoided OLD until now. In the past I’ve usually gotten into relationships with men who I was already good friends with for a while and it’s naturally developed into more. It always feels so unnatural doing it the modern way.

@bonfireheart

Demisexual is when you are only sexually attracted to someone you have an emotional bond with....

WTF?! How is that a sexuality? That’s just normal for a lot of people.

God everything needs a label these days, I’m clearly old 😂

Oh and it’s not ‘old fashioned’ to have standards OP, or at least I hope it isn’t!

@Emanresu1

Thanks everyone. I’m upset because I do really like him, but I don’t like the intensity after only a week.

Remind yourself that you only like what he has carefully chosen to show you of himself thus far. (Which is normal early dating behaviour, we are all selective about what we put out there at first). He got drunk and you saw another side. It really doesn’t matter whether he was drunk or sober. The groping and crassness is still him at the end of the day.

My guess is that he now feels like he’s got nothing to lose, after letting the mask slip, so he’s going all out to get you into bed.

He doesn’t sound right for you, I think you should move on.

He groped you! dump and don’t look back. You have your standards op and if any man won’t respect them then always get rid.

I haven’t online dated but my friends have, there are a few decent men but it’s candy shop mentality and more frogs than anything else.

I have never looked at it but I think there is a dating support thread in relationships on here. That will be worth a look I’m sure. Good luck.

YABU for using stupid made-up words like "demisexual". Most people, especially most women, prefer to get to know a partner before being intimate rather than shagging complete strangers. Demisexual is not a thing.

He crossed your boundaries.

You accepted his apology.

In his mind that means your boundaries can be crossed again, or ignored. And when he does, it will be 'because he is so attracted to you he can't help himself'.

You really don't need this. There are decent men out there, better luck next time.

I’m upset because I do really like him

You've known him a week. You've met him once, and he behaved like a creep. What do you really like about him?

Love bombing..when something doesn't feel right just sack it off. Don't force yourself through the uncomfortableness due to you lack of experience or whatever. When you meet someone worthwhile there will be no questioning, none at all.