Ex leaving the country, what happens to kids' contact?

[LilTeapot]

My ex has decided he wants to live in another country for half the year. (How he's going to support himself is a mystery as he's currently on UC ) He's generally been good with taking the kids EOW, half the holidays etc (work hasn't allowed him to do a day in the week) and they (Ds11, dd9) adore him.

Whilst I'm not happy about him just upping sticks and fucking off across the world (and nor are the kids, although he's placating them with promises that he'll only ever be gone for 3 months at a time) he's been saying he'll expect to see more of them when he is here. I'm a bit at the right that because he's decided to do this, I have to rearrange my life and go for long stints hardly seeing my kids while he's wanting to "make the most of them" when he's here. Obviously what they want is the most important thing but I feel it could be disruptive for them.

He's hinted that he'll get a court order "if he needs to" ( he did this with his ex to get access to his older daughter who's now 16) which made me bristle a bit. Any ideas whose side the court would take if I was adamant he sticks to the usual routine because if he wants to miss half of those contact times, that's his lookout?

I think they'd side with you. He's the one moving....the court wont want to uproot their routine for half the year!

The onus is on him to sort this out.
I cant see how a court order would work? He can visit the kids when hes in the uk. He doesn't sound responsible, would you trust the kids to go abroad with him?

@Cheesypea I can't imagine that he'd want to take them as he wouldn't be able to afford to keep flying back and forth with them. I don't know how he's planning to do it twice a year tbh. He's very much a pie in the sky thinker when it comes to finances - always thinks he's got a great business idea that will bring in millions

I wouldn't imagine a court would do a court order like that either. His choice to fuck off for half the year

They would side with you.

How long would you not see them?
Where will he accommodate them?
Just smile and wave

If hexeants to go to court let him

I can’t imagine the court will side with him tbh. When I went through family court with my (admittedly abusive) ex social worker, my solicitor and the judge were all adamant that consistency was very important for the children. Basically it’s about what’s right for the children, his needs are secondary and daddy showing up whenever he likes to upset their routine is not in their best interest. If it does get to court keep on track about what’s best for the children. I’d be surprised if he took it to court tbh seeing as he's fucking off abroad. Sounds more like he’s saying as whacking his balls out on the table to show you who’s boss. Try not to let him get to you, he’s a twat.

@Embracelife i really don't understand what his plans are. He currently rents a small house but is planning to get rid of that. So who knows where he plans to live and accommodate the kids when he's here! His parents live too far away to stay with. Knowing him he'll be buying a motorhome and sweet-talking someone into letting him leave it on their land so he can come and go as he pleases.

And will he be providing his kids with any financial support during his little jaunt?

Or is he abdicating that responsibility too?

Gosh OP why is this darling your ex??? Sorry to be flippant! Agree with others, court will take a dim view. Personally i'd let him go down court route. That will be interesting to see how he sorts that from other side of the world

If his work was taking him away likely a court would be accommodating - or expect you to be... Flight of fancy fuck off? Well he can, well, fuck off!!
Do not make any changes to your life for him. Make sure Cms take at least the fiver a week you are owed... That way it is in place if he does get a job..

He’s talking bollocks regarding the courts.He can't force you and the kids to accommodate long visits abroad.

Does he mean he’d like them to spend whole summer with him?

@CuriousaboutSamphire he's missed all the payments since he list good job and went on UC but of course, the business idea he has will soon be raking it in and they'll all be rich

lost his job

Sorry fat fingers!

Thanks for these supportive messages. He's so convincing I end up feeling I must be being unreasonable so it's good to know I'm not going mad!

Oh! One of those?

And if course he just expects you to change your life to accommodate his twattery.

Even having got him out of your immediate life he is still managing to control and inconvenience you!

@DrinkFeckArseGirls he would like to take them on holiday (Although then he'd have to come back before the end of his 3 month stunt so it works be expensive going back and forth. For now he's just asking about having them a lot more of the time when he is in the UK, to make up for time he's going to lose with them when he's abroad. For no other reason than he wants to be abroad!

Stint

Like you say he’ll need a house suitable for them near their school in uk. If he’s not got that he’s not even off starting blocks - no court is going to say fine to live with two children in a motor home illegally parked (with no bathroom) when there’s a mother with a house. The age of the children their views would be taken into account.
I wouldn’t engage with him it sounds pie in sky. Is he doing it to avoid paying maintenance? Can’t think why he’s your ex 😂

I would be tempted to tell him you wholeheartedly will have the red carpet out for his return...

He can hint all he likes at a court order but I doubt the courts would agree to what he’s saying

I wouldn't get drawn into any conversation about future contact when everything is so uncertain at the moment. Don't agree to anything, just say "let's see how it goes, we'll decide what's best for the DC when you're in a position to have them". There's so much that can change when someone sets off on a pie in the sky scheme like this. The time to consider when and how long he has them and how suitable the accommodation is for them would be when he's back and everything is in place.

As far as wanting to have them more now to make up for the time he's away, well maybe a day or two if it suits you but until he goes there's no guarantee that he will go so for the most part the status quo should stay the same.

@Dixiechickonhols oh it may not be a motor home. It might be a boat, or a rented attic room, or he'll find a woman to move in with. He's a jammy git and people do give him things all the time. I don't think he's ever bought a piece of furniture. Either way the kids certainly won't have a bedroom each.

Ugh why am I shackled to this fuckwit?!

I mean he’s not gone yet has he. You know him but sounds like a lot of bull shit to me.
Just wait see what happens. Let him take you to court.

It could well fall apart before he even begins. A lot of his plans do....! I just want to be prepared, and also prepare the dc.