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To be mildly affronted by the comments of a parent reader about DS?

45 replies

meh · 21/11/2007 11:41

Have namechanged as I am easily identifiable from my profile and I am a great big jessie and don't want no trouble right, you never know who might see this.

Anyhoo, DS just started Rec, July baby so almost youngest in class, has not a clue when it comes to letters etc but enjoys 'reading' his reading book at school and home every night. Also has letter cards to learn.

Parent reader wrote the following yesterday, "DS must practise these letters, he is not at all confident."

That may well be the case but surely that is for the class teacher or TA to say and he does practice them everynight.

Bit narked, unreasonable or not?

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NappiesLaChristmasGit · 21/11/2007 11:43

unreasonable. they didnt say he was rubbish, they stated that he didnt know his letters and was unconfident.
you know there are qualifications to that; he is v young for eg.

try not to take it personally, i dont think it sounds like an attack at all.


Buda · 21/11/2007 11:43

I would say YANBU. I help out at reading at school but would never put a comment in a child's book - in fact we were told not to. I just put "read with X". If it warrants a comment the comment should be for the teacher.

Would have a chat to the teacher.


DumbledoresGirl · 21/11/2007 11:45

Ummm, as a parent of a reception child myself, and as an ex-teacher, I kind of know where you are coming from, but it is not really that unreasonable a comment, is it?

I do understand - I feel a bit the same when some parent comments on my children's abilities, especially as I know they are not necessarily qualified to comment, but you need to think of the wider picture. But for this parent helper, your child may not have read to an adult yesterday. Surely having him heard to read as frequently as possible is more important than one parent's (possibly ill-informed) comment?


meh · 21/11/2007 11:46

It was more the "DS must practise" that pissed me off - he does practise them.

I was a reception teacher and always kept the comments positive - as seems to be the case when DS reads with his class teacher.

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lemonaid · 21/11/2007 11:46

Hmm. I think saying he isn't confident is OK. Saying he "must practise" is much more iffy. If you're really only "mildly affronted" then YANBU, but if you're any more affronted than that then YABU .


yaddayule · 21/11/2007 11:47


I appreciate any comment in ds's reading book, at least it shows he's having one to one.


meh · 21/11/2007 11:47

Waves at DG

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meh · 21/11/2007 11:48

yadda - he is far from PFB he is one of many still precious though!!

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KerryMum · 21/11/2007 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 21/11/2007 11:51

As a parent reader I would put the bit about confidence but not the bit about practising. I comment on what happens in the reading session, not what may have happened before or what I think shout happen afterwards (if I did, I'd probably be lynched the minute I set foot in the playground!)


DumbledoresGirl · 21/11/2007 11:51

Hellooooo! (You could still be one of two people, (only 2 people avoiding DG? but anyway......)

Seeing as I now know you are a teacher too and you know me, may I be a little bolder in my response? Does any of your reaction have anything to do with feeling that the parent helper is a layman and you would be better than her at hearing children read? (Cos that is my reaction when parent helpers comment on my children! )


meh · 21/11/2007 11:54

It just riled me when I read it. I thought "cheeky mare - we work hard on his reading every night." I didn't like the implication that he wasn;'t practising.

Also she has very bright but extremely competive children ( The one in DS's class mouthed the lines of the entire school harvest festival production whilst she sat in the front row grinning, nodding and giving him thumbs ups)

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hunkermunker · 21/11/2007 11:55

I am annoyed you have "meh" as a name [goes to get nyah]


yaddayule · 21/11/2007 11:55

TBH I think the problem is you tend to over analyse what ever's written (speaking as someone who scours the book for hidden nuance's!)

Must practice... yep ok that probably would annoy me (WHOEVER wrote it) as I would take that as "You don't practice with your child you lazy slattern" Not calling you a lazy slattern BTW

He is not confident .. well considering his age he wouldn't be .. stateing bald facts always looks worse.


hunkermunker · 21/11/2007 11:56

It's GONE!


meh · 21/11/2007 11:58

DG - I'm the tall one.

And yes, you are probably right about the teacher/layman thing too. I always made positive comments about the child, even if they were struggling, but then I was also the class teacher so felt it was my place to make any sort of comment.

Other parent readers make comments such as "DS enjoyed talking about the colours" "DS showed me five full stops" " This story made us laugh" Not entirely constuctive maybe but atleast you know some one has heard him read.

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meh · 21/11/2007 12:00

Soz, hunker, I was amazed it was still available and now it's mine, all mine MWAHHAHAHA.

As you can see I'm obviously not too perturbed by this incident but I have been dwelling on it and wanted the MN treatment.

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DumbledoresGirl · 21/11/2007 12:02

I do know how you feel. I am a bit miffed because my reception child isnt taking to reading in the same way as his siblings. He knows all the sounds but cant put them together to read the words. As a consequence, his reading book was not changed yesterday and a comment came home in the book saying he needed to practice sounding out the words a bit longer.

Now professionally, I disagree with that. He has already had the book since last Thursday (reading books only get changed on Tues and Thurs) and I think it is time he had a new book, just to maintain his interest, if for no other reason. I hope the comment was made by the teacher and not the TA (I need to check) but either way, I disagree with it. But sometimes we have to bite our tongues, dont we?


MadamePlatypus · 21/11/2007 12:07

As the mother of a 4 year old autumn baby , I find this confusing. It wouldn't occur to me that DS 'must' be doing anything until he goes to school at almost 5. What is the point of parent readers? Do they provide feedback to teachers who otherwise wouldn't know how well a child could read? How often do most children get to read to the teacher?


HonoriaGlossop · 21/11/2007 12:08

YANBU. It was badly worded. 'Not at all confident' - well, yes, he's what, about 8 weeks into his school life and is four, I imagaine? So how can it be helpful to put it that way - of course he's not, he's only just at the beginning! And 'must practice' is just officious.

I do think it's important that positive language is used. If this was me I'd talk to the teacher - they need to do a little talk to the parent helpers so that they are aware how to word things - otherwise you'll carry on getting these pseudo-'professional' comments.


meh · 21/11/2007 12:09

It's a good school, and I am happy at how well the three of mine that are there get on. DS3 has a great teacher, new to the school but lots of experience, very approachable so I know I can speak to her. He gets a new book each day and I'm impressed with how much reading they do at school in the Rec class. I'll let this pass but I will mention it to her if I think the comments are inappropriate in the future.

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meh · 21/11/2007 12:11

Sorry HG, was still typing as you posted. Love the pseudo-'professional' description.

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VictorianSqualor · 21/11/2007 12:16

It's understandable, I'd probably be annoyed if it was me, considering the parents who help out at DD's school are people I talk to in the playground I'd probably ask for clarification on what they meant, but tbh I don't even know what to write in DD's book once we have read a story, and have felt 'mildly affronted' by comments from the teacher WRT her practising her handwriting, on occasion I've felt like takng in all the 'work' we have done at home, through our own choice, not what ahs been ste and saying 'LOOK, SHE PRACTICES' but then I think I'd probably look mightily unreasonable
Also, I thikn the fact that these parent's go in of their own accord to helop the class is commendable so I'd find it hard to get too angry at them.


meh · 21/11/2007 12:21

I agree VS - I admire the parents that go in to read and am grateful to them as it seems my DS is heard just about every day.

This is a mum who I chat to but don't socialise with. She is nice but I have heard others describe her as having the social graces of an elephant - meaning she very often opens mouth befor eengaing brain but then appears to be blissfully unaware of it. I think this comment was just an example of her lack of tact in written form

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pippo · 21/11/2007 12:26

In your shoes think I would be very annoyed, bloody cheek! Is your DS usually confident? If this person felt that it was appropriate to write this in his book, I wonder what their interactions with the children are like?? If it were me I would be having a word with the class teacher. But then I'm a bit bolshy like that

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