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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mildly affronted by the comments of a parent reader about DS?

45 replies

meh · 21/11/2007 11:41

Have namechanged as I am easily identifiable from my profile and I am a great big jessie and don't want no trouble right, you never know who might see this.

Anyhoo, DS just started Rec, July baby so almost youngest in class, has not a clue when it comes to letters etc but enjoys 'reading' his reading book at school and home every night. Also has letter cards to learn.

Parent reader wrote the following yesterday, "DS must practise these letters, he is not at all confident."

That may well be the case but surely that is for the class teacher or TA to say and he does practice them everynight.

Bit narked, unreasonable or not?

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VictorianSqualor · 21/11/2007 12:28

Probably, I had a childs party at which a couple of the parents stayed and for some reason we got round to talking about their reading and one of the parents who goes in to read was saying that both mine and another ladies child were good readers, at which I said, 'I just wish her handwriting would catch up' and this parent thoroughly agreed with me and said she had seen it, and she was quite behind for her age thankfully she then said her daughter was the same, and it was probably because they are both left-handed, I hate to imagine how I would have reacted if it wasn't for that last sentence!

kindersurprise · 21/11/2007 12:28

YANBU, she could have phrased it differently to make it more positive. Even if she had said, "DS is a bit lacking in confidence but works hard to improve his reading" or something. "Not at all confident" is quite demoralising.

She does imply that you are not doing enough practicing with him.

Can you not do some reading with her DC and write a similar comment? (Joke, before I get flamed for using her DC to get back at her)

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 12:29

He is very confident, but laid back, not really ready for letters and stuff yet, well not in a sit down and learn it by rote fashion.He will absorb anything through play, which IMO is pretty much what the first year at school should be about.

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barnstaple · 21/11/2007 12:32

YANBU. I'm a parent reader and only ever write the name of the book the child's reading and what page they got to. Anything else is for the teacher to comment on. I'm not qualified and I'm extremely aware that my own dd is the best reader in the class and that any comment or judgement i might have will be flavoured by that and probably unfair. I also don't think I have any right to judge another child's reading as I have no idea of their circumstances. One thing I must say is IT IS NOT BORING, it is fabulous and fun and some of the kids are just fantastic. It is brilliant seeing how well they can come on in a few weeks of regular reading. One boy's progress was so good it brought tears to my eyes and he sought me out after school a couple of days later to tell me he'd gone on to gold! Another little girl who was really struggling rushed up to me one morning with her face glowing and said she had read with her mum the night before! She was so happy it was wonderful (I gave her a kiss - not allowed, but hey).

Hassled · 21/11/2007 12:36

YANBU - I'm a parent helper (and BTW agree that it's a great job - I really really enjoy it) but never write anything in the comments book. I tell the teacher who I've read with and what they've read - will maybe say to the teacher that X was fantastic or Y wasn't really in the mood today, and then it's up to the teacher what she writes in the comments book. I never even see the comments books, and that's how it should be - it's for communication between the school and the parents, not random parent helpers who are unqualified to comment.

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 12:50

Sorry, my boring comment was a bit flippant - after 12 years teaching and then 3 of my own reading it does wear you down after a while . I'm glad you both get a lot of satisfactio from it though.

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HonoriaGlossop · 21/11/2007 16:51

btw I am so loving 'meh' and 'nyah', wish I'd thought of these names

Maybe I could have 'gah'?

VictorianSqualor · 21/11/2007 17:52

Or pffft.

Blandmum · 21/11/2007 17:55

Unreasonable, she has said what needs to be done. I think that as a bald statement it can be over analysed.

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 18:40

You are right mb, she said what needs to be done, but I feel that's the teacher's job, not the parent helper, that's what irked me. She's just another mum in the playground when she's not helping in the classroom.

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Blandmum · 21/11/2007 18:44

However, she will have had some briefings with the teacher, and will be working in collaboration with her.

I remember from a previous thread of this type that primary teacher are not going to be able to hear the kids read on a daily basis. Better to get the feedback, and to work with it. If your ds is still finding it hard after all the work, then the issue needs to be raised with the teacher, so that some extra help can get sorted out asap.

In that respect her flagging things up could have been of real benefit to you and ds. But I can understand the initial reaction. they are our babies, aren't they?

DrNortherner · 21/11/2007 18:45

I'm with you meh, I'd be peeved to.

Tis teh teachers job to say what your ds needs to do/learn. Not some helper who clearly ahs ideas above her station.

I'd be miffed off.

DrNortherner · 21/11/2007 18:46

Miffed off.

There's a pgrase I haven't used since I was about 12

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 18:53

I guess so, there are several PR in that class though and most just make the friendly, but I suppose not all that productive comments I mentioned in an earlier post.

I just don't like this uber mum making comments about "my care free, happy as larry but not really into school yet" 4 year old. Not a PFB but yes, he is still my baby

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Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 18:58

Miffed off is good, I shall use it alongside my current mildly affronted and a trifle peed off.

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Housemum · 21/11/2007 19:08

Can see where you are coming from, but think they just were not v tactful - if it were me and the child wasn't confident, I'd probably put that they had a good try but weren't confident. Saying "must practice" is unnecessary as how are they to know how much your child practices? I have done reading and kept comments brief & honest but positive.

(My DD2 is a summer birthday, just started reception, not really getting on fast with reading but she tries - I help on some mornings, and our teacher asks you to write in the books so that the child's parents can see how they have done with another person, but we were told to think before writing how we'd feel if we saw that comment)

Doodledootoo · 21/11/2007 19:17

Message withdrawn

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 19:38

I'm right there with you in theh shallow department though doodle, the main reason I am pissed off is because of who it is. She helps out a lot, and good on her but she alwyas knows whats going on, we often hear news about the class/school from her before it's officially announced and it rankles {made up word??}

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popsycal · 21/11/2007 20:00

doodledo - you beat me to it - I wondered whether it was more a reaction to who wrote it rather than what was written.....

Another teacher here who has mixed feelings about the comments in ds1's reading record book. I love it that he gets one to one time at school but I veer from being mildly amused by the spelling/grammar of onelovely grandma 'DS1 (incorrect spelling of DS1's three letter, top 5 boys' name)done good reading in the corrida today' to pretty p'd off at the comments in the playground by another helper (who actually is in the circle of mums who I chat to/have odd night out with) who said 'What have you been giving DS1?? He is the swot if the class with his reading'.

So I kind of know where you are coming from.

Original poster
meh · 21/11/2007 20:07

Yeah, it's definately a raection to who wrote it

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