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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect that a thank you letter from a 6 year old might contain at least my name and mention of the actual gift?

109 replies

LadySanders · 21/11/2007 11:07

Totally accept that its hard for a 6 year old to hand-write 30 thank you letters. And have done the old printed-off-the-computer generic thank you letter myself for my ds age 6, BUT got him to write 'dear X' and fill in the blank after 'thank you for the ......' and sign on each one. Last few thank yous he's received after classmates' parties have all been untouched-by-a-human-hand computer print-off saying "thanks for coming to my party and for my present". not even signed or with his name on!! its too rude, surely!!

OP posts:
bananaknickers · 21/11/2007 12:55

yes my child has dyslexia and finds it very difficult to sit in one place doing handwritting for long lenghts of time. I do ours on the computer. I had no idea there would be other parents out there that would think it was rude.Mumsnet is a real eyeopener at times.

lennygirl · 21/11/2007 12:57

Message withdrawn

ScruffyTeddy · 21/11/2007 13:02

Ds has some difficulties that not many people are aware of, at age 6 he couldn't write much..could just about manage his own name (with help). To sign 30 thank you letters would have caused many tears and frustration, even spread out over a few nights. So ours were never personalised, the thought that some may find that rude had never crossed my mind tbh.

farfaraway · 21/11/2007 13:08

We play spin the bottle to open the presents. All children sit in circle with their present and DD1 in middle spins a bottle and whoever it points at she opens their present and so on. This means there is no frenzy, each present aknowledged and recipent thanked on the spot. then no need for thank you letters. However is someone sends a pressie and we don't see them I always write the thank you but like others DD1 fills in the gaps.

Mind you I never do and do not understand these whole class parties. Max of 10-12 guests here

Elphaba · 21/11/2007 13:17

I don't do thank you letters from the boys' parties either - I haven't got the time or energy for it and I don't think it's necessary. Thank you is said at the time of the gift being given/received and the children take a party bag home anyway - isn't that a 'thank you for my gift and coming to my party'?

Anyone who gets worked up about is not worth worrying about imo. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.

I don't expect thank you letters and when I do get them I put them straight in the bin anyway. It's a totally pointless exercise.

melpomene · 21/11/2007 13:26

YABU. I think thank you notes/letters are only needed if you haven't been able to thank the giver face to face. If the giver has already been thanked face to face, then any letter at all is a bonus.

Plus, it would be pretty complicated to keep track of which present was given by whom when there are 30 presents.

chocolateteapot · 21/11/2007 13:36

YABU. DS has had a couple of these recently and I was in awe of the parents' organisational skills to have sorted out in advance.

LuckyUnderpants · 21/11/2007 14:25

Its not rude at all, YABU to expect a 6 year old to sign 30 thankyou letters imo. You got a letter and it said thankyou so the thought and sentiment is already there, i cant see why it needs to be signed. I wouldnt expect a thankyou letter to any gift i would give to a 6 year old, I not looking for thanks by giving it.

mustsleep · 21/11/2007 14:38

i wouldn't expect a thank you letter at all as the child would have said thanks at the party - plus think about your carbon footprint

brimfull · 21/11/2007 14:45

blimey you got a thankyou letter!!!

that's good enough for me.

Elphaba · 21/11/2007 14:46

Yes all that paper wastage! Good point mustsleep!

CrushWithEyeliner · 21/11/2007 14:50

YA SO BU

get over yourself, you got a card, I would PMSL at this if it wasn't so tragic that you are miffed at such a petty thing.

Elphaba · 21/11/2007 14:52

Hehe!

PurlyQueen · 21/11/2007 15:42

The whole point of a thank-you letter is that there should be some sort of personal touch. If someone (or their mum) has gone to the effort of buying a birthday present, then a thank-you note shouldn't be seen as hassle - it's basic good manners.

I would certainly expect the child to be able to write her name on each of the thank-you letters. Think of it as handwriting practice

MerryAnnSinglemas · 21/11/2007 16:40

yes, agree - it is basic good manners, something that is sadly lacking in children (and adults today)

LittleBella · 21/11/2007 16:47

Oh FGS.

All those of you who insist on thank you notes, have you thought about the environmental implications of this? Surely we should be discouraging children from wasting paper in this way?

meglet · 21/11/2007 16:51

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable, but still understand where you are coming from.

I am halfway through typing 20 personal (name, mention of gift etc) thank you notes for my 1 year olds birthday pressies. I have clearly gone mad as I am planning to get him to scribble his signature on each one - frankly he is probably going to try to eat the note or the crayon and then have a tantrum. I think I may be losing the plot.

VanillaPumpkin · 21/11/2007 16:56

I wouldn't mind a generic thank you letter like that at that age. I would mind a bit if I got no thank you letter though.
Why is it so hard to keep track of who bought what? Do your children just rip open all the presents in a frenzy? Just have a piece of paper and a pen and write down who it is from as they are unwrapping and what it is while they are looking at it . Hardly rocket science. But I am afraid I think thank you letters are important if the gift is not opened in front of the gift giver. I would hate to have all the presents opened at the party too. My poor children .
I write thank you letters from me for presents and weddings etc though. Perhaps I am old fashioned, but I think it is good manners. And I don't worry about my carbon footprint on this one as paper can be recycled and I would hope my notes were more appreciated than the junk mail thrust through most people's letter boxes every day.

SoupDragon · 21/11/2007 16:57

"Plus, it would be pretty complicated to keep track of which present was given by whom when there are 30 presents"

Yes, you're right.It's extremely difficult to read the birthday card stuck to the parcel to discover the sender. Even if the card falls off it's not usually too taxing to work it out

NorthernLurker · 21/11/2007 16:58

good grief - I thank at the time of giving and that's it. People can either take that in the spirit it's meant or think I'm very rude I don't really care which

I have received a sprinkling of personalised notelets in my time - what do I think of them - that those parents have way too much time on their hands!

workstostaysane · 21/11/2007 17:22

to the OP. yes its very rude.
don't send one at all if you can't be bothered to do it properly

workstostaysane · 21/11/2007 17:22

to the OP. yes its very rude.
don't send one at all if you can't be bothered to do it properly

Granard · 22/11/2007 16:14

My daughter is 7 and for the past couple of years for birthday and/or Christmas presents, I usually take a pic of her with the present and send that to the giver and she writes a little card. I'll include any pics of that child taken at the party too. I think it's important for them to develop the habit of sending cards and understanding that it's a nice thing to do. I have to say though that it's not common practice here (Dublin) and I don't recall her getting any thank you notes from other children!

ladymuckingitup · 22/11/2007 20:24

I was actually thinking of starting a thread myself about thankyou cards. I think you're lucky to have had one at all... am totally fed up with not receiving any acknowledgement at all of presents. I always post presents for one friend's three children, and never ever receive so much as a text message to say they've arrived. And we recently went to two birthday parties at which the present was taken off to be opened at a later date and have heard nothing more about it. I was beginning to wonder whether I was just incredibly old-fashioned in thinking that it was polite to thank for presents, but am reassured by the number of you on here who obviously agree. I wouldn't expect a thank-you card if the present had been opened then & there, but otherwise it feels just horrible not being thanked. As if your gift was beneath contempt really. Sorry for rather grumpy addition to the discussion.... but it's really beginning to bug me!

Jacanne · 22/11/2007 20:41

DD1 had a party at a venue and the gifts are collected in by the people running it so they're not opened in front of the person who has given it, therefore making it impossible to thank them at the time. So I did a generic thank you not on the computer and dd1 (5) wrote on the recipient's name and her name at the bottom. I couldn't mention the specific gift because someonw helpful tore all the cards off so she could save them for her actual b/day and I'm not sure who sent what.