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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect that a thank you letter from a 6 year old might contain at least my name and mention of the actual gift?

109 replies

LadySanders · 21/11/2007 11:07

Totally accept that its hard for a 6 year old to hand-write 30 thank you letters. And have done the old printed-off-the-computer generic thank you letter myself for my ds age 6, BUT got him to write 'dear X' and fill in the blank after 'thank you for the ......' and sign on each one. Last few thank yous he's received after classmates' parties have all been untouched-by-a-human-hand computer print-off saying "thanks for coming to my party and for my present". not even signed or with his name on!! its too rude, surely!!

OP posts:

Wheelybug · 21/11/2007 11:34

I think thank you notes are very important.

In one way I think that, whilst I would agree with you, at least you did get a thank you which is better than nothing.

That said, it does smack of the parent just printing them off and sending them without the child having any input or idea which at 6 I think they should be being taught the point, so at the very least could have signed their name. This christmas and birthday (they are close together) I fully intend for dd (who will be 3) to do something on them and think she did for her 2nd for some of them (a scribble in crayon).

iwontgetmadipromise · 21/11/2007 11:39

Have just received thank you letter thanking DD for the lovely "track suit pants" she gave said friend. Hmmm...since we gave her a great Magnetix kit (bought for £7.50 on special offer - normally £15) I can see the benefit of non-personalised ones!

Still I try and see the big picture - in a week's time it is all forgotten and in a few year's time we look back and wonder why on earth we stressed about such small things. Move on. (Now I wonder who on earth bought those track suit pants?)

I try not to judge other people's manners and to think the best if I can - goodness knows I am not perfect in that respect and neither are my children even if we do send "proper" thank you notes.

binkleandflip · 21/11/2007 11:41

Actually I am going to actively disagree...think it is very cute but ludicrous for a two year old to scribble on thank you cards - It is akin to putting the dogs pawprint on christmas cards!! (and no, am not comparing anyones child to a dog just saying the idea is the same!!)

Fair enough when they are old enough to express gratitude on paper by writing a proper note.

yaddayule · 21/11/2007 11:43

I have been know to dip the cats paw in paint on Christmas cards

You mean thats now normal ?

yaddayule · 21/11/2007 11:44

now?

NOT

Oh FGS BLOODY preview woman !

binkleandflip · 21/11/2007 11:44

stealthsquiggle · 21/11/2007 11:44

DS (5) did the "dear X" and "love from DS" on all of his (27 incl family friends) and I filled in the middle bit. He was a bit stroppy towards the end but we made it and he did want to do it.

seeker · 21/11/2007 11:46

Not as bad as the time we got a thank you note in the party bag. They couldn't have even been sure that we'd given a present!

stealthsquiggle · 21/11/2007 11:47

At 2 (or maybe 3?) we got DS to draw/paint one masterpiece and then scanned it and used it to print thank you letters - for DD's 1st Birthday I just used a nice photo of her - works well for relatives who send pressies but rarely see the DC.

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 21/11/2007 11:51

bloody hell, i am scared.

i am rubbish at organised social niceties. ive never managed to post a postcard or christmas card in my life for eg.

am already fretting that i need to send thank yous to people for things... but no idea when to send them. obv to party comers after we've had a party... but do i sedn them to hosts after going to one?? are there any other little ntes and things i am supposed to be sending at times i am unaware of??

god its a nightmare. i may cock up and not do something and have people slating and hating me (and my children) at any moment.

and now i have to worry that even if i do manage to get the sodding things out to the right people at the right time, that they may not be good enough??

ok, im overstating it a touch but sheesh, i think my response can be summed up by saying: YABU

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 21/11/2007 11:56

bloody nora.
can i blame my bohemian upbringing for not knowing this stuff? ive always thought smiling genuinely and saying thank you was the Right Thing To Do...

(thanks to soupy for her tip about filling in the things as you go... slightly allays my anxieties about how exactly one manages to remember all this)

seeker · 21/11/2007 12:01

And remember you have to stop your child from ripping open the thank you note and being outraged that it's not another party invitation. Or is that just my children?

LilianGish · 21/11/2007 12:03

If it's not personal just don't bother. It's like those mass produced round robins people send out at Christmas. If you can't be bothered to personalise it, don't send it! My rule for thank you notes is send them to people you don't thank in person (so they know you've received the gift if nothing else!)

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 21/11/2007 12:03

never having written any seeker, i cant say. but no doubt mine will keep up with that little tradition

claricebeansmum · 21/11/2007 12:05

Personally i think it is a bit off - how hard would it be to write name at bottom? A few a night...

...however what really annoyed me was when the generic thank you letter came home in the party bag...made me wish we had given a really crappy present

prufrock · 21/11/2007 12:17

Always send thank you notes - because I think it's a good idea to get the children used to the concept. But I do think 6 is still a bit young to be expecting a totally personalised one - some kids are still incapable of independant writing at this age and I don't think a thank you note should be about competitive efforts from the parent.

I do generic computer printed thank you's and get my kids to draw a picture on the bottom. This year, dd(5) will also be writing "love from though I love soupys idea for opening classmate presents

niceglasses · 21/11/2007 12:23

Not bothered by thank yous (probably because I don't do them myself!!)

I would be impressed to get any!

lomond · 21/11/2007 12:31

YABU, I would be glad to get any thank you, though if they said thank you at the time I wouldn't expect one. (Not at that age)

stealthsquiggle · 21/11/2007 12:32

Note in party bag would have wound me up a lot..

and seeker no, it's not just your children - DS - "Awwww, it's only a Thank you letter"

I think the fact that the teachers wrote proper Thank you letters to each DC for the presents they got at Christmas would suggest that it is expected round here

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 21/11/2007 12:37

"...however what really annoyed me was when the generic thank you letter came home in the party bag...made me wish we had given a really crappy present "

really??

is there any way, do you think, that i can send out invitations to children witht he added previso that the parents should only bring along a present if they are grown up enough to cope with children being children about it. id rather people didnt farkin bother buyin g my kids some piece of toot if they are going to be so precious, high maintence and dramatic about it! sheesh, hasnt a parent got enough to worry about with organising and running the damn party without being the object of anger because their polite thank you note was sent too soon and not personal enough???

stealthsquiggle · 21/11/2007 12:44

I think it's the timing rather than the lack of personalisation that would wind me up - the presumption that because you came to the party you must have brought a present. If I had done this for DS, for example, I would have been thanking someone for a present they didn't bring....

Pre-printed notes (as per the OP) I really wouldn't get wound up about. I wouldn't do it myself, but that is my choice and I am fine with the fact that other people have different priorities.

ScottishMummy · 21/11/2007 12:48

it is thoughtful and sweet that you were thanked, it genuinely is the thought that counts. so it did not meet your exact specifications of what constitues a proper thank you card format. O Lighten up - you are being churlish

VictorianSqualor · 21/11/2007 12:50

My DD is 7 this weekend and finds handwriting very hard, it's practically impossible to read once she has written more than a word or two, however I write out the thankyou letters and she just has to sign them so I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some form of personalisation, but a name is enough.

It's the difference between the parent thanking you out of duty and the child thanking you for a present IMO.

I don't think they are as important with close friends/family though, school friends, yes, but I expect DD to be gracious enough when she accepts a present from anyone close that a thankyou letter wouldn't be needed.

bananaknickers · 21/11/2007 12:52

I think it's rude not to thank at all. I don't make my children write their own thank you cards either.
Perhaps the mum likes to spend time with her children doing other things.

lennygirl · 21/11/2007 12:55

Message withdrawn

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