Anyone else feel fat, frumpy and untrendy?

[Onewayoranother88]

I live in Manchester, and go to the Northern Quarter sometimes, if anyone knows it.
All the girls are around 22, incredibly slim and I'm only a 6-8, but they're all built like supermodels by the looks of it.
All seem to have very niche styles and interests, artists, musicians and so on.
How can so many just know what suits them and look so good?
They all seem so intelligent and with trendy, well paid jobs too, if not students.
It's a confidence thing, I know. I have things going for me and I'm attractive, just feel like I'd be a complete outcast among these sort of people. My boyfriend has friends like this but I don't feel part of this world at all. I know he loves me for who I am but I just wish I had more confidence. Anyone else felt like this?

Completely. I see women of all ages who look effortlessly cool and put together, without looking too "done".

And then there's me, rocking up to the school run with mucky jeans, white trainers that stayed white for less than 1 wear and my hair in a "messy bun" that looks more Miss Trunchbull than effortlessly stylish.

I have decided I just don't have that "cool vibe", and I'm far too lazy to consistently put in the effort day after day to achieve that look.

I think it's probably extra hard if you live in a part of the country where a very 'done' look is the norm - it's not possible to have huge hair, a year round tan, false lashes and a completely toned body without putting in a fair amount of effort, and if it's not a look you like then not only is it a huge amount of work, it's a huge amount of work to achieve something you don't really want!

There are plenty of small fixes you could do which might help you feel more polished (gradual tanning lotion, a pedicure, some highlights). But I'm inclined to think this is far more about how you feel within yourself than how you actually feel about your appearance, and there's no amount of bronzer that's going to fix that. I think possibly some work on self esteem is where you might want to be focussing your efforts.

Try to remember that beautiful and valuable are not the same thing. You don't have to be hyper decorative to be worth while. We've rather shot ourselves in the foot by telling ourselves 'we're all beautiful' when we should be saying 'we are all valuable and worthy of love.'

If you feel fat at size 6-8, then a psychologist is needed.

Frumpy and untrendy can be seen/felt at any size, first fix your confidence and self esteem, then look into style and fashion until you find the niche that suits and fits you.

If you actually feel fat at a size 6-8 then I think something has gone very wrong.

I was nodding along till I saw you're a size 6-8!! Try being a size 14 late 30s stay at home mum of 3 going out in the Northern Quarter...!

Honestly, I know the Northern Quarter and if you only see stylish, smart, beautiful people you're looking at the odd model, one or two expensive prostitutes and a lot of exquisite trans people. Frumpy, scruffy people abound around there. I'm always comfortable...

Overhaul yourself. Sod whatever people think is in fashion. Look at what suits you. Kondo your wardrobe - if it doesn't spark joy, bin it. Review your clothing and accessories when all the naff things are gone. Make a short list of a few items you need to finish outfits/draw them together. Get a haircut you like and that suits you, have your eyebrows etc threaded and your nails done.

Then take up some interests. There's so much to do in Manchester. Find a niche hobby (have they opened the underground tours again?) Before you know it, you'll be the 'interesting person' everyone wants to know.

I embrace being fat, frumpy and untrendy - and these days can add "old" to the mix. No effort, no expectations. It gives one so much scope.

I realise this is a flippant comment though, as pp seem to have put their collective finger very neatly on the real issue in this thread.

Nope - I'm short, not teeny tiny and fabulous

In the Northern Quarter? Where the hell are you looking? NQ is full of all shapes and sizes, the look is distinctively alternative not modelesque. For those not familiar with Manchester, think somewhere like Camden. I'm fat, 40s and definitely not model-looking and I feel at ease in NQ.

Thanks everyone. I know it's my own issues at play. Indeed I'm certainly not fat at that size, but a lot of these women are incredibly thin, waif like in a supermodel way.

I've tried to overhaul my wardrobe, work on myself and my hobbies so hopefully I'll start to feel better soon.

Seriously OP I'm a bit worried about how you're seeing the world. NQ certainly isn't filled with waif-like women. Not unless you are talking about high school girls?

How would you know what their jobs are? Or how much they get paid?

I always manage to look a bit shipwrecked somehow and if I'm having a good day, I just look like a frump.

I think the main thing is to stop comparing yourself to other people. You’ll never look like them. Much better to be you. Confidence and happiness really are the best ways to improve your appearance and life.

It strikes me this is about your relationship with your boyfriend. Comparison will eat you alive. Please be kinder to yourself.

My 40-odd year old definitely not waif-like self could hang out on Thomas St more often if you think that'd help, OP.

@Onewayoranother88

I've tried to overhaul my wardrobe, work on myself and my hobbies so hopefully I'll start to feel better soon.

I hope you feel better immediately!

A lot of people probably look at your size and envy you OP

But I do get you. I hate looking in the mirror sometimes. I hate aging and I feel almost humiliated when I see young trendy gorgeous women, one of which I used to be.. I have issues 🤷‍♀️ I know I could look good if I wasnt so lazy too

@gobbynorthernbird happy to hang out there with you, and we can put it down as our good deed

@YesIveChangedMyName I like the idea of cocktails and bao buns as a public service

Yes I'm comparing myself to his young colleague I suppose. Maybe she's not even single, I've felt this way for days now, saw her in the workplace the other night and it's clear they have a jokey playful sort of friendship even if I'm sure it's innocent. She might not even be single, I have no idea.

A size 6-8? Feeling fat? What the actual ?!

I know I'm not fat, I shouldn't have said that in the title. I'm slim and with a BMI of 21, but with short legs and these girls are built like models.

I’m 39, a size 14-16 and feel far from fat and frumpy. You are 100% right that it’s a confidence thing. You don’t seem like to hold yourself in very high esteem and that’s issue, you need to learn to love yourself and look at what you’ve got rather than looking at others and feeling this way. There is more to life than being slim and fashionable!