Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm finding my best friend really annoying, and I wish I didn't

43 replies

nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:09

Honestly think I'm getting the 'ick' (sorry I don't know a better way to describe how I'm feeling)

Most texts I receive are inducing an eye roll response from me. Obviously I haven't said anything because I feel like it's more my issue than her's.

I don't think the pandemic has helped, that obviously put physical distance between us for a while and texting is great but isn't the best method of communication

OP posts:
goodgradeshavewine · 17/06/2021 13:10

What is she doing and/or saying like?

goodgradeshavewine · 17/06/2021 13:10

To produce eye roll?

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:11

@goodgradeshavewine

What is she doing and/or saying like?
Just being fairly dramatic, over emotional etc. I feel like sometime she's being a bit of a wet blanket. Sorry that's harsh.
OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 17/06/2021 13:11

You need to give examples.

MindTheBumps · 17/06/2021 13:12

I think without knowing what she's saying it's hard to know who is being at fault.

It's ok to distance yourself from friendships though. People grow apart it's natural.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:14

@MindTheBumps

I think without knowing what she's saying it's hard to know who is being at fault.

It's ok to distance yourself from friendships though. People grow apart it's natural.

Yeah I don't think anyone's at fault. Just I suppose I'm more stoic/harder
OP posts:
Orf1abc · 17/06/2021 13:15

Just I suppose I'm more stoic/harder

Is that a good thing?

You're not giving us any context.

goodgradeshavewine · 17/06/2021 13:17

@nombredechange hard without specific examples. For instance, is she speaking about herself constantly and not showing an interest in you? Or do you just find chatting with her really boring? Does she have nothing interesting to say? Is she being braggy? Or critical? Or negative?

That would help us to answer. But for what it's worth, I go through phases like these with multiple friends once in a while so I know the issue is with me. I get the 'ick' and I'm sure they notice I go a little quiet and distance myself a bit, but it always passes and things go back to normal. I also notice it the longer we have gone without seeing each other the more this 'ick' grows. Then when I see them it disintegrates and everything is normal again. Not sure what causes it but it's not enough for me to ruin a friendship over.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:17

@Orf1abc

Just I suppose I'm more stoic/harder

Is that a good thing?

You're not giving us any context.

No just different.

I'm scared to give examples incase it's recognised!

I probably shouldn't have started a thread.

I suppose I want advice on how to not let these feelings ruin a good friendship.

OP posts:
3scape · 17/06/2021 13:17

You're obviously not a good fit. To be frank if you are quite hard surely this has happened To you before? Just move on.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:18

. I get the 'ick' and I'm sure they notice I go a little quiet and distance myself a bit, but it always passes and things go back to normal. I also notice it the longer we have gone without seeing each other the more this 'ick' grows. Then when I see them it disintegrates and everything is normal again. Not sure what causes it but it's not enough for me to ruin a friendship over.

This is what I'm talking about exactly. Except the last time I saw her face to face it didn't make those feelings go away like it used to! Which is worrying me.

OP posts:
Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:18

@3scape

You're obviously not a good fit. To be frank if you are quite hard surely this has happened To you before? Just move on.
I'm not hard, just harder than her
OP posts:
goodgradeshavewine · 17/06/2021 13:20

@nombredechange if it were me personally then, I would continue to keep the communication to a minimum and try and meet face to face a few more times. If nothing changes then you may have simply grown apart. These things happen sadly.

Bluesheep8 · 17/06/2021 13:20

I'm scared to give examples incase it's recognised!

It's a bit difficult to advise then

grapewine · 17/06/2021 13:21

Sounds to me like you're indirectly shaming her for not coping with life as well go you (you being harder). Let her go instead of rolling your eyes behind her back tbh.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:22

[quote goodgradeshavewine]@nombredechange if it were me personally then, I would continue to keep the communication to a minimum and try and meet face to face a few more times. If nothing changes then you may have simply grown apart. These things happen sadly. [/quote]
Yes this sounds very sensible

OP posts:
Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:22

@Bluesheep8

I'm scared to give examples incase it's recognised!

It's a bit difficult to advise then

Yeah I know!
OP posts:
Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:23

@grapewine

Sounds to me like you're indirectly shaming her for not coping with life as well go you (you being harder). Let her go instead of rolling your eyes behind her back tbh.
No I just don't want to listen to it all the time. I have my own stuff, like we all do
OP posts:
HeavenHotel · 17/06/2021 13:35

I don't think you need to give examples, as I know exactly what you mean.

I have a BF and we are so so close. But recently her texts have me giving the eye roll too.

She's struggling, I get it, but aren't we all?

Sadly not sure the friendship will survive. She's really annoying me now. :(

She's got the huge stress of her dh getting an unexpected £50k bonus from work. Do they spend it? Invest? Put in a pension? All so stressful! Meanwhile I'm struggling to find 50p to buy some beans as I've been made redundant after furlough :(

bloodyhell19 · 17/06/2021 13:36

Ok OP if you can't give specific examples then here's some catch-all advice:

Stop responding and mute her for a few days/week - get back to her when you feel you have the emotional energy for it. Friendships can go through patches of lethargy with each other, maybe you do just need a break from her.

Tell her that she's being very emotional/dramatic and you can't help or relate to it right now. Be honest; admit that you haven't got the headspace as you have your own things going on now and can't assist her.

See if your friendship has always been like this or has she ramped up the emotion recently? She could sense that you're distant and is trying to engage you by looking for support.

khakiandcoral · 17/06/2021 13:42

I suppose I want advice on how to not let these feelings ruin a good friendship.

you can't!
You won't be able to hide your irritation as much as you think you do.

Doitorwait · 17/06/2021 13:44

I've got the ick with a few friends during the pandemic, distance is the key if you want to fade the friendship out.
From experience no point raising the issue or talking it through unless it is a long standing friend.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:45

See if your friendship has always been like this or has she ramped up the emotion recently? She could sense that you're distant and is trying to engage you by looking for support.

I think it has always been like this but I'm currently going through secondary infertility, miscarriage another round of ivf and have limited patience for Tesco not having the right brand of bread in stock.

For example.

It's probably more me than her, I'm just a bit strung out.

OP posts:
Drivingmeupthewall · 17/06/2021 13:51

I think (following your latest post) you think your problems are real and her problems are petty.

Just remember that to everyone, their own problems are real.

That being said, you’re not obliged to continue a friendship if it’s not bringing you any kind of joy.

Original poster
nombredechange · 17/06/2021 13:58

Yeah I do and it's getting me down.

The issue is what we both consider petty, and serious apparently don't fully align.

OP posts: