I'm finding my best friend really annoying, and I wish I didn't

[nombredechange]

Honestly think I'm getting the 'ick' (sorry I don't know a better way to describe how I'm feeling)

Most texts I receive are inducing an eye roll response from me. Obviously I haven't said anything because I feel like it's more my issue than her's.

I don't think the pandemic has helped, that obviously put physical distance between us for a while and texting is great but isn't the best method of communication

I have a close relative who is a bit like this - soandso in the office said x can you believe it? etc etc -also really not very interested in my life. They aren't a selfish person but quite thoughtless I think.

I do ignore quite a few of their messages, just scroll past them quickly and don't reply.

They do it on the phone, and when I have had enough and start to day 'i better get on with x" they always cut in with "must go ive got a lot to do !" as if ive been the one talking all this time , which does make me a bit . Lol.

But as a pp said, its generally a lot better meeting face to face so I am prepared to live with it (and I love them too, which helps!)

If ignoring some messages, saying youve got a lot on, etc doesn't help, and meeting up doesn't warm you to them again, I fear there may not be much you can do though.

However before ditching them completely I suggest maybe trying to gently hint that you aren't interested (ignoe messages, interrupt a bit in the dullest bits if on the phone) and see if withdrawing attention from the drama makes it dwindle a bit.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties by the way, good luck with everything

@candycane222

I have a close relative who is a bit like this - soandso in the office said x can you believe it? etc etc -also really not very interested in my life. They aren't a selfish person but quite thoughtless I think.

I do ignore quite a few of their messages, just scroll past them quickly and don't reply.

They do it on the phone, and when I have had enough and start to day 'i better get on with x" they always cut in with "must go ive got a lot to do !" as if ive been the one talking all this time , which does make me a bit . Lol.

But as a pp said, its generally a lot better meeting face to face so I am prepared to live with it (and I love them too, which helps!)

If ignoring some messages, saying youve got a lot on, etc doesn't help, and meeting up doesn't warm you to them again, I fear there may not be much you can do though.

However before ditching them completely I suggest maybe trying to gently hint that you aren't interested (ignoe messages, interrupt a bit in the dullest bits if on the phone) and see if withdrawing attention from the drama makes it dwindle a bit.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties by the way, good luck with everything

Thank you

It’s probably best to let the friendship go then. She may be telling you things in confidence because she thinks you’re close friends so it’s sad to hear you’re judging her so heavily in private. Are you her only support? Even sadder if so.

I get irritated by people like this OP. It’s like they are overgrown spoilt children, I would give her dramas short shrift and/or ignore them.

I've had exactly this recently, except kind of the opposite - I've got a friend who is so forced-fun and overly cheerful all the time that whenever you say ANYTHING ("I've had a shit day because X") it's just met with "Awww but at least it's sunny! At least you're not stuck in the office! Have a nice cup of tea!". Which is fine, if I've stubbed my toe or the post is late, but if it's something serious and she just refuses to accept that there is any negativity in the world at all, it's really annoying.

I too find myself doing the eye roll these days. I've decided that we're just quite different people as we've grown up, and that it'd be insane to just as close to every single person you were friends with at 16 in your early 30s and not expect anything to have changed. I'm doing the very slow fade away from it and seeing her less often, which does sometimes make me feel bad. But at least she can have a nice cup of tea about it.

Are you an Aquarius by any chance?

@nombredechange

See if your friendship has always been like this or has she ramped up the emotion recently? She could sense that you're distant and is trying to engage you by looking for support.

I think it has always been like this but I'm currently going through secondary infertility, miscarriage another round of ivf and have limited patience for Tesco not having the right brand of bread in stock.

For example.

It's probably more me than her, I'm just a bit strung out.

You don't have the headspace for it and that's absolutely fine. It's OK to step away and not deal with her if you're not interested. Does she know what you have going on at the mo? If she does, she's either a bit self centred or she's trying to (badly) distract you. If she doesn't, maybe communicate (if you want) that you just can't shoot the breeze about Tesco right now.

Although tbh if you're down to talking about the mundane like bread being out of stock, you're clutching at friendship conversation straws and it's probably on its way out anyway.

Unfortunately when you go through difficult periods it can really tell you who your real friends are. If she’s being insensitive to your feelings knowing you are going through a lot and still telling you how stressed she is not being able to get the right food from Tesco, then this tells me it’s not just you - it’s actually her.
I’m aware I don’t know full details but I have had similar after going through some difficulties and it has really put into perspective who I can count on as good friends.

I’m going through the same thing OP. Apart from she wants to meet all the time and Im starting to find so irritating being around her! I feel like such a bitch but we just have different interests now and she talks a lot about her self and always has a problem bigger than mine. I’ve tried to let her drift away but she won’t let me go.

Well it depends what her problems are. It isn’t a competition and one day you may see that you’re not coping as well as you think.

Just let her go. It isn’t a good friendship if one side basically is (inwardly) looking down on another.

I am in the same situation. I feel like my best friend has become such hard work since Covid started. We talk/message every day. I feel so much negativity coming from her, plus she is being very easily irritable and I have had to start watching what I am saying as she will inevitably turn it against me. She also keeps making somehow mean comments. On top of that she is so needy, if I don’t answer to her voice messages within a couple of hours I then get the silent treatment for not ‘caring’. She’s managed to criticise my dp’s appearance(repeatedly), our car, told me off for talking about a back injury I had (I never ever complain about my health normally, she on the other hand is a hypochondriac and I listen about her ‘health issues’ 10 times a day).
I stopped communicating with her 5 days ago, my brain is still processing all the meanness and negativity she’s dumped on me recently. I highly recommend taking a break.

I'm also in the same situation, it's so difficult isn't it.

My friend has become rather selfish and quite nasty with it too. EVERY SINGLE conversation is about her and her many 'illnesses' that seem to be non existent as every test, and there have been so, so many tests, have found nothing wrong. I'm not allowed to talk about anything I'm just supposed to be there for her and listen to her All.THE.TIME. If I ever bring up anything about me, be it something good or not so good I get it in the neck from her and I have to walk on eggshells in every single interaction with her. I have tried gently talking to her about it and I've also tried to be more forthcoming regarding it and neither strategies went well.

I've deleted a group chat that we were on with other friends and I've hidden and muted our own personal chat, which I will probably delete very soon, I'm also seriously thinking about blocking her in every way possible. She's turned into a very selfish and unkind person and I don't have the engird both mentally, emotionally or physically to deal with her anymore. I have my own shit happening right now too and I need to save my engird for that.

Gosh in a way im envious of you all having such intense friendships!

I am going through sth similar as a friend of mine is very dramatic and negative and lately I've noticed is using me as her emotional crutch. Every text/interaction is her having a massive moan about a problem that could have easily been solved. Last time I saw her, it put me in such a bad mood, I was an anxious mess and needed a stiff drink because I had just spent 3 hours of listening to someone talk negatively about EVERYTHING and taking no advice on board.

The only answer is to cut contact right down so she's not as comfortable around me anymore. And I'd suggest you distance yourself a bit too.

Every text/interaction is her having a massive moan about a problem that could have easily been solved....I had just spent 3 hours of listening to someone talk negatively about EVERYTHING and taking no advice on board.

This is exactly my friend.

She uses me to vent, but sometimes that's not clear so I say my opinion/ or offer some soft advice and she gets so bloody defensive.

I'm not a sounding board.

Her not taking advice isn't a new thing, she proudly told me that 3 counsellors have ceased working with her because she takes absolutely nothing on board.

Hmmm I'm going through something similar as well. Everything is negative, everything is a problem, I'm not allowed to have any of my own problems. I don't think our friendship will survive, its a shame because we've been friends a long time, but as I've got older I've realised that life is too short to stay friends with someone for the sake of it. If you can't get past the ick it will probably fizzle out.

Look after yourself at the moment xx

Bread in tesco can wait, because there will always be something. People can be drains, they dump all their negativity on you, they put the phone down and feel amazing and you feel terrible.
Take care

I suppose I want advice on how to not let these feelings ruin a good friendship.

Just take a bit of space, you don't need to end the friendship. This happened with me and my best friend, we were having different life experiences at the time. I let the friendship drift a bit but we kept in touch, became those friends where we always just picked up where we left off when we did meet up, and now we're closer than ever again. I'm so glad I didn't hurt her by saying something or ghost her, etc. I treasure her and her friendship so much.

True friends are hard to find - they're the ones who stand by you and still love you even when life takes you in different directions. You need some breathing space, that's all.