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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this guy is showing a few red flags?

74 replies

nataliare · 17/06/2021 12:12

Maybe I'm being too cautious or just been a silly over thinker.
Friday night (date 3) with a guy.
I had booked a restaurant which I had been to the week before.
Stood outside in the queue to get in and a few couples were behind us.
He told me to get the reservation up on my phone to show the staff.
I said I had been the week before and we just had to give our name and I didn't need to show it.
He completely ignored me and told the people behind "just go in front she needs to find the booking confirmation "
So I look on my emails and find it and get to the front and as I knew they didn't ask for it.

Afterwards we went to a bar.
There are 2 pubs opposite and I said "oh shall we go in this one " and pointed
He said no and let's go in that one.
I pointed out there was a huge queue and the other one was half empty.
He wouldn't budge and we had to stand in queue.

Aibu ? Or would you be a bit put off ?

OP posts:
DrManhattan · 17/06/2021 13:05

Sounds like a total bell to me. I would move on

Merryoldgoat · 17/06/2021 13:05

Yup. He’s a dick.

PinkMendinilla · 17/06/2021 13:05

No thanks. Especially undermining you in front of other people (I know they were strangers) saying they should go first.

Sexnotgender · 17/06/2021 13:06

@DanielRicciardosSmile

Pub, not necessarily. Maybe he hates that pub, or his ex works there or something. Restaurant, definitely.
So he needs to say that! If he said he’d prefer the other pub for x,y,z reason and did OP mind if they went to the one with the queue I’m sure she’d have been more understanding.
Sexnotgender · 17/06/2021 13:07

And no, YANBU.

Perhaps if you really like him give him ONE more date, but on that date make sure you assert yourself to see what his reaction is.

BeachSunsets · 17/06/2021 13:08

It would be a turn off. A bit odd to be like that on the first date. The restaurant thing isn’t ok. Quite bossy of him.

lazylinguist · 17/06/2021 13:10

Sounds like an arse. You shouldn't need to be giving him the benefit of the doubt at this early stage. If this is what he's like at the 'first few dates best behaviour' stage, then imagine what he'd be like once he shows his true colours.

SheepyToaster · 17/06/2021 13:10

Bin

Whyhello · 17/06/2021 13:23

Rude twat, get rid.

Womencanlift · 17/06/2021 13:27

@Sexnotgender

And no, YANBU.

Perhaps if you really like him give him ONE more date, but on that date make sure you assert yourself to see what his reaction is.

I agree with this. If he doesn’t react well to an assertive woman then it’s a definite red flag

As it is now he is just coming across as a bit of an idiot - which is also a perfectly reasonable excuse to say bye

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 17/06/2021 13:29

Ditch him. If this is his best behaviour on a first date it's not going to improve.

Besides if he doesn't have the courtesy to listen to you on something as minor as this, imagine how bad he must be in bed...

Novelusername · 17/06/2021 13:30

I went on a date with this guy once to an exhibition. I know a lot about art, he didn't. We were looking at a very well known artist and he suggested their name sounded like they were a certain nationality. I told him their actual nationality, but of course this wasn't good enough for him, he had to look at his phone to confirm that he was right - he wasn't, and it was actually quite embarrassing as this artist is quite well known. Needless to say I didn't want to see him again. This bloke clearly has issues, I'd avoid.

Novelusername · 17/06/2021 13:33

Unfortunately quite a lot of men always assume they know better than any woman on any given topic, it's just their default level of superiority - doesn't matter if you have a PhD in the area and it's their first time ever hearing about it. Avoid these men like the plague.

Novelusername · 17/06/2021 13:35

Also, sounds like he might be testing you to see how much he can get away with.

FlaviaAlbiaWantsLangClegBack · 17/06/2021 13:37

Oh, sorry. 3rd date. Still, my point still stands...

User3253465621 · 17/06/2021 13:38

I had a female friend like this and she wasn't bossy/controlling per se but had Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (not the same as obsessive compulsive disorder!) There are a few explanations for behaviour like this but obviously not worth the stress if it's a guy you just started seeing.

HusbandSelfIsolate · 17/06/2021 13:38

If he's like this at the start of your relationship what will he be like by the end? Doesn't bear thinking about ☹️

SunnySideDownBriefly · 17/06/2021 13:39

No way! If this is him on his best behaviour then imagine what he would be like further down the line. Don't do this to yourself!

HollowTalk · 17/06/2021 13:42

@Novelusername I'd have to walk away if he was checking on his phone.

Wearywithteens · 17/06/2021 13:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

EnidPrunehat · 17/06/2021 13:46

Sounds like a charmless arsehole to me. I'd get rid on that basis alone.

FairyDust123456 · 17/06/2021 13:46

Are you dating the guy I ditched last month for shenanigans such as this? 😂 Deffo move on, I wouldn't (and didn't!) like guys like this. Control and weird imo. Whatever happened to a discussion and being normal? There deffo wouldn't be a 4th date for me.

partyatthepalace · 17/06/2021 13:54

Yep, get rid.

slashlover · 17/06/2021 14:14

If there were two pubs and one was half empty and the other had queue then I'd think there was something wrong with the first pub.

It's been 3 dates, you're not clicking so finish it.

Journeynotdestination · 17/06/2021 14:19

Nah to that.

Control issues a plenty. Tell him to do one.